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Visiting Grandparents Should Leave Their Pets at Home
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Confused in Richmond." I disagree with your reply. There should be no question as to which is more important, your family or your pets.
My wife and I retired from the Northwest to Nevada several years ago. We have children and grandkids still in the Northwest. We visit them at least once a year, and yes, we have a dog. We think the world of our dog, and she's our constant companion, but there is no way we would even consider taking her with us when we go to visit the kids. There is also no way we would ever allow anyone to share with us the cost of a motel just because we feel we should have our pet with us.
When we visit the kids, we hire a house sitter to watch the house as well as our dog. Perhaps the reason the dog in question is having "accidents" is because it is stressed from being away from familiar surroundings. It's possible that "Confused in Richmond's" parents don't realize they are doing more harm than good to their pets.
"Confused" should talk to her parents and tell them she loves to have them visit, but the pets are just too much of a problem. If her parents are like a lot of us grandparents, she'll find out that those visits with the kids and grandkids are far more important than our pets. If her parents continue to insist that the pets are more important, I feel sorry for them, and they are the losers. -- HAPPY IN NEVADA
DEAR HAPPY: If "Confused's" parents were as considerate and reasonable as you, she wouldn't have needed to write to me. I suggested a motel that caters to pets as a possible solution because I was unsure whether her parents would consent to be apart from their pets. However, your comment that the animals might be having "accidents" because they were in unfamiliar surroundings is worth considering -- and your suggestion of a pet sitter is a good one. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Confused in Richmond" wrote that her parents insist on bringing their cat and dog when they come to visit because they don't want to put their "babies" in a kennel.
I am a 78-year-old senior citizen and I supplement my income by pet sitting. I stay in the pet owners' home while they are gone. The demand is so great I often have to refer jobs to other senior citizens who also do this kind of work. It's a great job. The pets are happy to be in their own home. The owners are happy, the people they visit are happy and I am happy.
Those parents should check with their church, senior center and/or other pet owners to find a reliable sitter. -- LOVES DOGS AND CATS
DEAR LOVES DOGS AND CATS: If you are happy, the owners are happy and the pets are happy -- then I am happy for ALL of you, and I won't pick a bone with you.
However, some people are uneasy at the thought of a "stranger" staying in their house. For pet owners who suffer from separation anxiety, a motel that caters to pets is the ideal situation.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: If you have time to read only one book this year, make it "Front Row at the White House" by veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas. Helen has known every president from Kennedy to Clinton. The publisher is Simon & Schuster; you are sure to find it on the shelf at your favorite bookstore.
DEAR READERS: Several years ago, Richard J. Kent, a retired colonel who served in the U.S. Air Force, sent me a poem he'd written as a tribute to his father. I have kept it in my book of special treasures. Today I'm sharing it in honor of fathers, stepfathers and grandfathers everywhere. Read on:
A BELATED GRACE
by Richard J. Kent, Springfield, Va.
Make me half the man my father was
And I'll know that I've been blest.
Give me half his courage and loving care
And a kingdom I'll possess.
When I was young and foolish
I heard but I didn't hear
His words of wisdom, his sound advice,
The need to persevere.
When I grew older and wiser,
I saw what I hadn't seen:
His strength to cope with adversity
And do it with dignity.
No need for the Ten Commandments
When I came to a fork in the road.
I had only to think what he would have done
And again, he'd carry my load.
Make me half the father to my two sons
As the father he was to me
And I know that I will rest at peace
Throughout eternity.
DEAR ABBY: Your columns about random acts of kindness prompt this letter. I'd like to tell you about some people I'll never forget.
I was taking the train to Oklahoma from Chicago for my Christmas vacation during World War II. I stood on the platform while all the servicemen boarded, and soon the train was packed. The conductor leaned out, announced, "There is no room for you!" and closed the door. I was standing in the snow and it was getting dark, and all I could think of was, "Will I ever get home?"
Then a couple of the cooks leaned out of the dining car and said I could ride with them. They had such wonderful smiles and laughs. They pulled me up, put an apron on me, and sat me beside a big, warm, pot-bellied stove. After they had served everyone else, they cooked a wonderful meal for me. It was so much fun.
When we arrived in St. Louis, they took my luggage and we ran through all the steam until we found the train going to Oklahoma. I'll never forget them, and think of them often. -- ANN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ANN: You must be a person "of a certain age" to remember train travel when the industry was in its glory. Those were wonderful times.
The dining car staff was generous to take you under their wing, and you probably received better service than any other passenger.
DEAR ABBY: I recently saw a celebrity actually show his bare backside on a daytime talk show.
If this is called "mooning," what is it called when a woman lifts up her blouse and shows her bare breasts? -- CURIOUS IN BRADFORD, VT.
DEAR CURIOUS: Exhibitionism!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wife's Past Affects the Way Husband Now Treats Her Son
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second husband, "Jack," for six years. We have two children. One is my son "Tommy" by a previous relationship. The other is our 3-year-old daughter, "Elizabeth." (Tommy's birth father has never been a part of his life.)
The problem is, Jack treats Tommy differently from the way he treats Elizabeth. He chastises Tommy when the TV is too loud, when he slams the door (I don't often consider it a slam), and rarely wants to spend any money on Tommy for haircuts, shoes, clothes, etc. If Elizabeth does any of the above, he doesn't "hear" it. If I buy something for our daughter, he seems content with it. He rarely has conversations with Tommy unless he's correcting him. A neighbor even noticed this and mentioned it to me.
If I try to discuss the situation, Jack becomes defensive and denies it, and the conversation ends. One day we did clear the air, and he said that Tommy is a constant reminder of my past relationship. Abby, Jack is the only father my son has ever known, and Tommy loves him. I don't want Tommy treated differently because of my life history -- he has done nothing wrong.
What's ironic is that Jack used to criticize one of his relatives because she treated her stepson differently from her own. I see the early stages of this in my husband. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Since your husband has finally admitted that there's a problem, now is the time to take the initiative. Tell him that his behavior is extremely unfair and that you can no longer tolerate it because it's psychologically damaging to your son. Ask your physician for a referral to a family counselor who can straighten out your husband's thinking and help Tommy rebuild his self-esteem. If your husband refuses to cooperate, go to the counselor yourself, and take your son.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me. He said he wants to date other people.
Abby, he has been a part of my life for two years and he's my best friend in all the world. I know that time heals all wounds, but how can I be around him when I still love him so dearly? He still wants to see me, and I wouldn't ever think of throwing our friendship away. But being around him, I can't help but think of how much I love him. Any coping tips? -- BROKENHEARTED, LAKE FOREST, ILL.
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It's next to impossible to be close to someone who has rejected you and not bleed. Therefore, I would recommend at least a short "recess" in this friendship. Wear a heavy rubber band loosely around one wrist. Every time you get depressing thoughts of him, snap the rubber band. The pain in your wrist will distract you from the pain in your heart.
Face it: Getting over a romance is like quitting smoking. Although it's traumatic, "cold turkey" is the most effective and least painful way to do it. If you sneak a puff here, and sneak a puff there, you'll never get the nicotine out of your system.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)