DEAR ABBY: I saw the letters about class projects in which students wrote something nice about the other students, and how appreciated those comments were. Let me tell you about a project with unfortunate results.
I have a sweet, intelligent daughter I'll call "Gina." Two years ago, her fourth-grade teacher asked the students to write something nice about each of the other students, then gave the messages to the student to whom they pertained. The teacher did not look over the messages before she distributed them.
Abby, while Gina received many compliments, they were interspersed with painful, cruel comments such as, "Gina has a big nose," "Gina is fat," "Gina wears ugly clothes," "Gina is dumb." I didn't cry in front of my daughter when I read them, but I broke down later.
When Gina's teacher learned there were hurtful remarks on her paper, she tried to erase them, but the words were still faintly visible. She made the guilty students apologize, but the damage had already been done. I asked Gina if she wanted me to keep the paper because of all the nice comments written there, but she said, "No, I don't ever want to see that paper again."
I know the teacher meant well, but she should have reviewed the comments before she distributed them. Abby, please remind teachers to do that, because even with the most positive exercise, ugliness can show its face. -- MOM OF A WOUNDED DAUGHTER
DEAR MOM: You're right. Children can be cruel, and the teacher was thoughtless and naive to have circulated the papers without first having checked them over. The kind of hurt your daughter experienced can linger for years.
Help Gina explore and develop her talents in an area in which she can shine and receive positive reinforcement. And please reassure her that very few people are universally popular. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like you. Some people require more time than others to develop their social skills.