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Wife Thinks Tag Along Sister Should Set Up Her Own Tent
DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Laurel," is a single mother with one child. She drives my husband, "Rick," berserk when they are around each other for an extended period of time. Unfortunately, Laurel recently split up with her boyfriend. She has few friends and insists on being my best friend -- including herself in my family's dinner plans and vacations.
Before the breakup, we were planning to visit an elderly aunt -- Rick and I with our daughter in one car; Laurel, her boyfriend and her daughter in the other car.
However, now that Laurel's boyfriend has left, she wants to make this an "all-girls trip" and exclude my husband! I informed her that Rick is going, and furthermore there would be separate accommodations and separate cars. Laurel now insists that she will camp out in our hotel room, and she will not take "no" for an answer. -- FED-UP SISTER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FED-UP: Your sister is off base. There's no reason why you and Rick should share your hotel room with your sister, or that Rick should be excluded because Laurel doesn't currently have a man in her life. If you can't make her see reason, you and your husband should talk to her together.
DEAR ABBY: We just lost three perfect little boys, our triplets. They were born prematurely. Many people have been kind to us, yet we have been stunned by the insensitivity of others.
The day our triplets died, a doctor went to my wife in the hospital and said, "Look, it wasn't meant to work out. People aren't supposed to have litters."
My wife's hairdresser, on hearing the news, said, "Who would want three babies anyhow?"
To such people, I'd suggest they think of the three people they care most about in the world, and then imagine them all dying in front of you. -- SAD FATHER IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR SAD FATHER: Please accept my sincere sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved baby boys. I'm sure the doctor and the hairdresser didn't mean to be unkind; however, their comments were enormously insensitive. Babies can't be replaced, but people in service-oriented businesses can.
DEAR ABBY: With all the discussion of the difficulties that might occur because of the Y2K problem, it's easy for most people to assume that it's only a computer problem -- but it isn't.
Thirty years ago, when my mother died, my father purchased cemetery lots and headstones for our entire family. My headstone reads, "Born 1939, Died 19( )."
Abby, I'm sure you can see the problem. If I live beyond the last day of December, I'll have to have that headstone refilled and recut with "Died 20( )." -- DONALD SCHAFFER, SAN DIEGO
DEAR DONALD: Consider yourself blessed to have such a problem. Why not add a line? For example: "19( ) ... to be continued." Or, "Just couldn't leave. Stuck around until 20( )." With a sense of humor, the possibilities are endless.
Boy's Sleeping Arrangements Are Cause of Cousin's Concern
DEAR ABBY: My cousin is the single mother of a 9-year-old boy, "Kenneth." He is an only child.
Kenneth has never slept in his own room. After his father left, my cousin used this as her excuse to let him sleep with her. He doesn't want to be alone and is afraid his mother will leave him, too, so that's the excuse she uses to justify allowing him to sleep with her.
Abby, his father left four years ago!
I spoke to my cousin about this, and she said, "It's no big deal; plenty of people do it." The truth of the matter is that she doesn't have the patience to listen to him scream and cry all night if she tries to make him sleep in his own room. It's obvious to the family that Kenneth is in charge of their household.
I'm afraid this boy will have serious problems due to the sleeping arrangements. I'm also worried that a state agency will get wind of this strange situation and investigate my cousin.
Do you agree that this boy will become maladjusted? Perhaps if she sees it in your column, she'll wise up. -- NAMELESS
DEAR NAMELESS: Kenneth should not be sleeping in the same bed with his mother. If your cousin doesn't know how abnormal this situation is, she should be told in no uncertain terms that she's doing her son a terrible disservice with this sleeping arrangement.
Further, at age 9, Kenneth is too old to be "screaming and crying all night" when he's left alone. The boy needs counseling to overcome his fears of abandonment.
DEAR ABBY: As a state trooper, I would like to comment on your advice that drivers pull over before using their cellular phones. While it is dangerous to drive while using the phone, it can be equally dangerous to just "pull over" while on the highway.
Many vehicles stop in the breakdown lane for this purpose without realizing that the most serious accidents take place when there is a large variance in the speeds of the objects colliding. This occurs most frequently when a stationary car or person is only inches away from traffic traveling in excess of 60 to 70 mph. It takes only a moment's inattention for a tragedy to occur. Many fatal accidents are the result of a truck or car straying only slightly over the white line near a stopped vehicle.
Because of this danger, our state and many others prohibit the use of the breakdown lane unless there is a mechanical or medical emergency.
Abby, please urge your readers to use caution when pulling over. Look for a safe place to stop well away from the flow of traffic such as rest areas or parking lots, and of course, ALWAYS wear seat belts.
Thank you for all your good work on behalf of police officers everywhere. -- TROOPER STEVE EARLE, MASSACHUSETTS STATE POLICE
DEAR TROOPER EARLE: Your advice to stop well away from high-speed traffic is a safety tip that could save the lives of many. Thank you for it, and for the reminder that a moment's distraction can occur during a long highway journey even with the safest of drivers. It is absolutely vital that motorists stay fully alert at all times.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ALLERGIES TO ANIMAL DANDER ARE NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Abby Fan," the motel guest who's allergic to animals. Guests should not have to assume there have been pets in a motel room and that there is still animal dander in the room. Just as most hotels have smoke-free rooms, perhaps a few rooms could be specifically set aside for people who travel with their pets, leaving the rest "dander-free."
As a flight attendant with a major airline, I know firsthand the difficulties we encounter with pets on board. Although FAA rules require that any animal traveling in the passenger cabin be confined to a carrier at all times, with the exception of sight or hearing-aid dogs, passengers often assume that their adored pet will be welcome to sit on the seat and that other passengers and the cabin crew will understand.
Abby, this is a safety issue, as well as a health issue for those with allergic reactions. An allergic reaction at 35,000 feet is very frightening, especially if we don't realize the cause was a cat or dog from a previous flight that was allowed to sit in that seat and left hair and dander behind.
Animal lovers, please understand that like smokers, you must respect other people's health. -- CONNIE MALTIN, HILLSBOROUGH, CALIF.
DEAR CONNIE: Anyone who wishes to sleep in a room free of the lingering smell of cigarette smoke, or who suffers from animal allergies and requires a dander-free environment, should not assume these criteria will be met unless they first notify the establishment ahead of time. However, as you have pointed out, it might not occur to many individuals that the passenger cabin of an airplane is not dander-free. Thank you for bringing a potential health risk to my attention and for providing pet owners an opportunity to understand why their traveling companions should remain in their carriers throughout the flight. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was on a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles and experienced a severe allergic reaction. Finally, I asked the flight attendant if there was a cat on board the aircraft. Sure enough, someone had brought one on board. The upshot was that I spent the rest of the flight on oxygen.
Prior to that, I was unaware that airlines allowed that sort of thing. Animal allergies are fairly common, and animal dander should be kept out of the recirculated air of the airline cabin. Some people suffer from allergies to animals that could be life-threatening. -- ALLERGIC IN L.A.
DEAR ALLERGIC: You have raised an interesting point. A word to the wise: Since we live in an imperfect world, and travelers cannot be guaranteed an allergen-free environment, those who suffer from life-threatening allergies should be sure their allergy medication is within easy reach at all times.
DEAR READERS: A reader submitted the following:
"Some time ago, the mayor of North Platte, Neb., announced that if he could raise $5,000 for his re-election campaign, he would walk naked down the main street for all to see.
"The citizens of North Platte raised the $5,000 -- and the mayor walked his dog, named Naked, down the main street."
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)