CONFIDENTIAL TO "DONE IT ALL IN MUSKOGEE": Don't rest on your laurels yet. As Will Rogers once said, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
Hot Heads at Brunch Argue About Hats on and Off Table
DEAR ABBY: I was recently out for a walk with a group of women. Our plan was to have brunch together afterward. One of the women wore a baseball cap.
After we were seated, the lady removed her baseball cap and put it on the tablecloth where the next place setting would soon be. I proceeded to tell her to remove it immediately because it was inappropriate to place it on the table. She was very irritated when I corrected her. She said my opinion was stupid, raised her voice at me, and as much as said, "Shut up!"
The other women in the group didn't want to get involved. However, I informed them that placing a cap on the table was unhygienic. I asked the offender how she'd like to be seated where someone's cap had been and said I was surprised her mother had never taught her that. She finally removed it and placed it on the floor near her chair.
Abby, was I wrong to point out that headgear does not belong on tables where people eat? Isn't this something we should be taught and should teach our children? -- HATS OFF AT THE TABLE
DEAR HATS OFF: Yes, children should be taught that hats should not be placed on the dining table. However, the scene you created was more inappropriate than any breach of etiquette that may have occurred. You could have told the woman privately. By lecturing her publicly, you embarrassed everyone present.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Troubled Mom in Washington," the grandmother who is raising the little girl. I would like her to hear the granddaughter's side:
I am 22 years old and would like to urge that woman to please continue to care for the child, for the child's sake. That child needs her. When I was 8, my father was murdered in a "supposed" drug deal. My mom had a nervous breakdown and lost all connection with reality. My stepdad mooched off our Social Security checks for dope and who knows what else, and left us practically penniless. As the oldest of three children, I assumed responsibility for my brother and sister and learned quickly what it was like to be a "mom." A neighbor would help us when she could, but otherwise we were pretty much on our own.
That is, until my grandmother rescued us. That year I entered the ninth grade weighing a pitiful 78 pounds, with a smile that had been pretty hard to come by. Grandma was 60 years old when she took in my mom, my brother and me. (My half-sister went with her father.) Grandma gave us all the love we hadn't had in a long time and desperately needed, and never once made us feel we were a nuisance. Grandma is a strong woman who's 67 years old now -- and I'm very grateful to her for rescuing us. -- LOVED GRANDDAUGHTER IN DUNCANVILLE, TEXAS
DEAR LOVED GRANDDAUGHTER: Your grandma is a matriarch -- truly the head of her family, and one who leads by example. That's often not an easy role to play, and I'm sure your loving tribute is justified. Orchids to Grandma.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Plate Glass Presents Clear Danger to Unwary Shoppers
DEAR ABBY: Last week I was in New York City for a conference. On my first evening in the hotel I noticed a large adjacent store had an entrance from the hotel lobby. As I walked quickly to the store entrance, I suddenly received a blow to my face that knocked me down, broke my glasses in half, cut my eyelid and made my nose bleed. I had walked full-stride into a plate-glass door! With bright lighting inside the door and soft lighting in the lobby, I had seen no reflection on the glass.
When I returned home this week and related my story, nearly everyone I spoke to had a similar story or knew someone who did. The incidence of injuries from this kind of accident must be staggering.
Since regulations vary from place to place, please urge your readers to place decals, logos or lettering at eye level on any plate-glass window or door that could possibly be mistaken for an opening. I have seen this done in attractive ways that promote a store's name or image. Had such a visual cue been in place, I would not have been injured. As a side note, my compulsive habit of always packing an old pair of glasses as a backup finally paid off. -- PANE-FUL EXPERIENCE, ATHENS, OHIO
DEAR PANE-FUL: I have heard about hapless individuals walking through plate-glass patio doors during swimming parties or summer barbecues, but this is the first time I've heard about its happening in a business establishment. Your suggestions are valid. I hope the management of the hotel in which the accident occurred will institute some safeguards to prevent it from happening again. It could prevent injuries, as well as protect the hotel from a lawsuit.
DEAR ABBY: Please send a wake-up call to starry-eyed women who marry for "love" and never look past their beating hearts. As cold and unromantic as it may sound, financial security should also be a consideration when making a lifelong commitment. The moment your Prince Charming adds your name to his credit cards, bank accounts or other legal documents, he can begin weaving a web that connects you tighter than any marriage contract.
Abby, there is so much more to choosing a partner than just physical attraction or "love." Lust withers, and what's left behind needs to be a secure, capable partner -- not a wimpy financial disaster. -- BEEN THERE
DEAR BEEN THERE: Many people marry for love and have strong and lasting marriages, so I'm hesitant to cast aspersions on all love matches. However, if someone marries a financially irresponsible partner, one's first thought should be damage control. The marriage might be salvageable if the responsible partner is willing to set limits on the other's imprudent spending. It could mean closing joint accounts, putting the money in the name of the responsible spouse and canceling joint credit cards. If the marriage is really a love match, there should be no difficulty in getting the necessary signatures to remedy the problem. If the problems persist, however, and there's a refusal to cooperate, the problem may be less about finances than who's in control.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SINGLE MOM FINDS STRENGTH TO GIVE LOTHARIO HIS LEAVE
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the "scorpion and the frog" story. I'm 23 years old and a single mom. I have been involved for four years with a man who has been living with someone. He keeps telling me that when God gives him a sign, we will live together.
As soon as I read your column today I knew you were right. So, today is the day that I swim alone.
I hope you'll consider printing this, Abby. So many young women out there are in the same position as I have been. As young women, we have to be strong and look inside for the strength to swim alone, because once we are strong we will attract others who are strong. And that's when Prince Charming will come along. I'm convinced of it.
Thank you again for discussing this heart-wrenching topic. It did me a world of good. -- SWIMMING STRONG IN PUYALLUP, WASH.
DEAR SWIMMING: I may have sounded the wake-up call, but you were intelligent enough to hear it and know it was meant for you. Once you have told this two-timing Romeo goodbye, your chances of finding a worthwhile, unattached companion will increase a hundredfold. The problem with expending all your energy on someone who is already involved is that it prevents you from finding someone who is available. I wish you and your child the best of luck.
Your analogy of "swimming" reminds me of a classic letter that appeared in my column years ago. I'm sure you'll identify with the message that's conveyed:
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 12 years, and I've always felt that my husband thought more of his mother than he did of me -- so I decided to ask him. I put it this way: I said, "Honey, if your mother and I were in a canoe, and the canoe tipped over and we were both drowning, and you could save only one of us, which one would you save?"
Abby, he had the nerve to say, "I think I'd save my mother, because I owe her more"!
I'm so hurt. What should I do? -- ARLENE
DEAR ARLENE: Learn to swim!
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Ex-Mistress in Massachusetts," I had to write to correct an often-made mistake. She said that cheating husbands often claim they aren't sleeping with their wives, but somehow the wives become pregnant anyway. She then jokingly asked if these pregnancies occur through an "Immaculate Conception."
Abby, according to Christianity, Immaculate Conception does not refer to virgin birth, as in Mary giving birth to Jesus. The Immaculate Conception refers to Mary's having been born without the stain of sin (original sin). I am amazed at how many people confuse the two. -- EX-SEMINARIAN IN VENTURA, CALIF.
DEAR EX-SEMINARIAN: So am I. In years past, this has been pointed out to me, and I'm sorry I didn't catch it.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)