DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a woman I'll call Mary. She has a 4-year-old granddaughter I'll call Ashley. In Mary's eyes, Ashley can do no wrong. I have actually heard Ashley say, "Shut up, Grandma," or "Come here right now!" -- and Grandma does.
Mary admits that Ashley's behavior isn't good, but she allows her to get away with it. Mary lives with her son (Ashley's father) and his wife, and if Daddy says no to Ashley, Mary quietly tells her to "wait until Daddy goes to work."
Abby, this child is so spoiled she's a brat. If I had behaved that way when I was growing up, I would have been paddled. I have tried talking to Mary about her granddaughter, but I get nowhere. What should I do? -- RECONSIDERING MARRIAGE
DEAR RECONSIDERING: Mary is living with Ashley's parents, and it's almost impossible for a grandmother not to spoil a cute little granddaughter while in such close proximity. However, if you and Mary get married, she'll be living with you, and you won't have to witness the spoiled child daily treating her grandmother disrespectfully.
Ashley is going through a phase that she will probably outgrow, but if she doesn't, keep in mind that your contact with her will be limited. Because you love Mary, you should be able to tolerate Ashley in small doses. Reconsider with this in mind, and let me know what you decide.