Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HARD-WON RESPECT NOW EXISTS BETWEEN STUDENTS AND PRINCIPAL
DEAR ABBY: I have been the principal of an elementary school for four years, and for the most part have been able to keep my cool except during those noisy lunch hours in the cafeteria.
Every January, our school takes part in a "Bound for Literacy" promotion to encourage reading. The promotion is usually capped off by (who else?) the principal kissing a pig, eating worms or some other bit of nonsense to honor the students attaining a reading goal. This year, my husband and daughter -- a fifth-grader at the school -- suggested a stunt to literally "tie in" with the promotion's name. I agreed to spend a lunch hour (two sessions) bound and gagged in a chair in the cafeteria if the student body read a total of 2,000 books. Of course, I knew they would reach that goal, so I had to gear myself for the noise I'd have to contend with on the appointed day. It would be a deafening racket.
Friday, Jan. 29, was the big day. Just before lunch, several PTA mothers armed with a bundle of jump ropes bound me securely, taped my mouth and hoisted me into a chair on a raised platform in the cafeteria. Then the children filed in. Of course, they giggled and waved -- but to my astonishment, the kids in both sessions were so quiet you could hear a spoon drop. I was amazed! One of the older children later told me, "We didn't want to take advantage of you while you were all tied up."
The following Monday, the noise levels returned to normal in the cafeteria. I have no desire to spend lunch hours bound and gagged -- but I have acquired a new tolerance for lunchtime noise, and I have definitely gained added respect for my pupils. -- BOUND FOR LITERACY, ABINGTON, PA.
DEAR "BOUND": After the "sacrifice" you made, I'm sure the respect is reciprocated. Not only are your students' strides toward literacy laudable, their exhibition of fair play is admirable. My congratulations to them.
DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you, but for a number of decades I have frequently read and enjoyed your column. I have even quoted you to patients occasionally. I am now a retired psychiatrist.
I am sufficiently appalled by your answer to "Devastated in New York" -- the woman with the cheating fiance -- to write to you. Heaven help her if she does "proceed with caution" as you advised. She is almost sure to become an abused wife, emotionally if no other way.
My answer would be much more along the lines of: "Trust? Are you serious? This man has lied to you not once but innumerable times over the last year and a half. (Since you say you 'recently discovered' his liaison, I assume he didn't come to you to present this as a problem.) People who habitually lie don't stop. Count yourself exceedingly lucky to have made this discovery now and not later. Any love you feel is left over from the romantic time during which you thought you had a relationship. You will get over it. He is a loser. Do not hesitate to lose him."
I hope you publish some "second thoughts" on your answer. -- HERTA SILZER, M.D., BERKELEY, CALIF.
DEAR DR. SILZER: Not only have I had second thoughts about my answer, but I also realize it did not convey what the young woman needed to hear.
Your answer is better than mine, and I hope "Devastated in New York" sees it.
Carbon Monoxide Poisoning Claims Hundreds of Lives
DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter that dealt with carbon monoxide (CO) poisoning. According to the National Safety Council, more than 200 fatalities per year are attributable to carbon monoxide as a direct result of poorly or improperly vented organic fuel heaters. With just a little education, many of these deaths are entirely preventable.
As a member of the Publications Committee of the American Industrial Hygiene Association, may I call to your attention a pamphlet that may be of importance to your readers? The advice given to your readers was sound, but the pamphlet has more specific actions to take, including ways to tell if a dwelling might possibly have a carbon monoxide problem, as well as information on an important aspect of CO safety -- carbon monoxide detectors.
Interested or concerned readers may request a free copy of the brochure "Carbon Monoxide -- The Silent, Cold Weather Killer" from the American Industrial Hygiene Association at: AIHA Publications, 2700 Prosperity Ave., Suite 250, Fairfax, Va. 22031. (Please enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope.) Or, they may visit the Web site at www.aiha.org. This brochure is also available in Spanish. -- TIMOTHY H. RYAN, PH.D., ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY
DEAR DR. RYAN: Thank you for the informative booklet. I'm sharing the information with my readers. I was shocked to learn that each year, nearly 5,000 people are treated in hospital emergency rooms for CO poisoning.
What makes carbon monoxide so dangerous is the fact that it is odorless. Initial symptoms of carbon monoxide exposure are similar to the flu (but without the fever), including dizziness, headache, fatigue, nausea and irregular breathing. However, death from carbon monoxide can result without any symptoms -- the overexposed victim simply "falls asleep" and never regains consciousness.
Bottom line: No home should be without an Underwriters Laboratory (UL)-listed CO detector, and the packing instructions should be followed to the letter.
DEAR ABBY: My family and I have a problem I'm sure many of your readers share. We are allergic to many fragrances including soap, potpourri, etc. When I'm exposed to strong scents, my throat closes up and I feel nauseated. I'm 16, and until now I've been able to avoid becoming ill by staying away from the perfume section of department stores.
Abby, I'm dating a very sweet guy (I'll call him "Charles") and I love everything about him -- except his cologne. On dates my nose becomes stuffy and I cough a lot, and I have to take a shower as soon as I get home. When my parents provide the transportation they also become sick.
Charles knows I have allergies, but I'm afraid to tell him the truth because I don't want to offend him. Abby, is there any way I can get him to stop wearing his cologne so we can all breathe a little easier? -- NOSE IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR NOSE: Tell Charles you are allergic to fragrances -- including his cologne. This is not offensive, and I'm sure he will be happy to cooperate as soon as you let him know what's causing your congestion.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Owner of Sports Restaurant Can Call Time Out on Kids
DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is a restaurant owner. The atmosphere is casual and slightly sports-oriented, so many of his patrons take their young children to dine. The majority of the time, this is not a problem. However, some adults take children who do not want to be there. They yell and scream and run around the restaurant unattended. It's very disruptive for other patrons.
The staff takes juice, crackers, crayons and coloring books to entertain the children while the adults converse, yet the children continue to be disruptive, and the adults at the table make no effort to address the situation.
On occasion, my brother-in-law has had to ask the adults to do something about the children's behavior and has been met with some very rude responses from the patrons. He needs some additional input about what to do. We'd appreciate any suggestions as to how adults should handle situations where children are misbehaving in a restaurant. -- ROCHELLE IN PHOENIX
DEAR ROCHELLE: The disruptive behavior you describe is not the fault of the children; the parents are responsible for their children's behavior. If the youngsters create a nuisance for other diners, their parents should be asked to give them a "time-out" -- in other words, remove them from the premises until they settle down.
DEAR ABBY: I must disagree with your readers who responded to the mother who wanted her daughter to marry a man of means. I also believe the mother knows her daughter better than they possibly could. For most, giving up one's standard of living would send the "thrill" of married life out the window very soon.
Love does NOT conquer all! No, I am not a snob; I am an 81-year-old "always been poor" lady. I have seen what loss of material things can do to anyone who is not accustomed to doing without. Remember, Abby, men who lost their fortunes committed suicide by jumping out of tall buildings in 1929-1930. People are like that.
Oh, no, a disillusioned wife won't jump out of a window, but she might seriously consider fleeing the coop. A 19-year-old girl has plenty of time to meet young people and evaluate acquaintances before deciding on a life partner. -- A CARING PERSON, DANVILLE, ILL.
DEAR CARING PERSON: Thank you for your letter of support. Although you and I agree, the majority of those who wrote to me felt that the mother was selling her daughter short, the young man showed great promise, and the daughter should follow her heart.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who would like to be more confident and less fearful about asking a guy out. Deep down I believe that the guy should be the one to do the asking. I also have a fear of rejection.
There are several guys I'm interested in, but I can't muster the courage to ask them out. What should I do? -- WENDY
DEAR WENDY: Although your feelings are understandable, it is common and acceptable these days for a woman to ask a man out. In order to avoid rejection, drop some "hints" to see if there is any interest before popping the question. And remember: Practice makes perfect. After doing it a few times, you'll find it easier to approach men.
P.S. Between you and me, men also suffer fear of rejection at the prospect of asking a woman out. Now you can empathize.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)