DEAR ABBY: When I was very young, my brothers molested me. I have tried everything to get over my anger toward them, but I still feel that they "owe" me.
Abby, my marriage failed and I have never had a stable relationship because I feel that every man is lying to me and is out to hurt me. I just can't seem to get past the pain. I would like to put this behind me and forgive them, but I can't. -- MOLESTED IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR MOLESTED: You say you feel that your brothers "owe" you and indicate that you cannot heal because of your anger. They cannot repay your stolen innocence, nor can they undo your trauma. As an adult, only you have the power to heal yourself, with the help of others who have been in your situation and with professional counseling. Counseling and a self-help support group are not options; they're mandatory if you're ever going to put what happened behind you. At that point you may -- or may not -- choose to "forgive."
For the location of a support group in your area, send a long (business-sized), stamped (33 cents), self-addressed envelope to: Survivors of Incest Anonymous Inc., P.O. Box 26870, Baltimore, Md. 21212.
I urge you, and anyone who has been molested, to take that first step toward healing today. Don't delay. Write for information, and ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor.