DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mourning in Texas" prompted me to write. "Mourning" was disappointed about the small number of floral arrangements sent to his late wife's funeral.
You were correct in stating that many people donate money to charity in order that "something good" may come from the sadness of a loved one's death. However, we should all remember that floral arrangements sent to a wake or the home of the grieving are also "something good" -- and useful.
Too often, people hesitate to send flowers thinking they'll be thrown out after the funeral. But what is important is the message of condolence that flowers convey to the grieving family during those extremely difficult few days. Flowers are for the living -- they say, "We loved her, too. She had value to us, and we care that you are grieving."
This is not to say that making a charitable donation isn't worthwhile, but to remind people that sometimes flowers speak volumes.
May I share with you what my husband and I do at such times? When we attend a funeral or a wake, we take a card and a single rose. One week later, we send a "thinking of you" card. A month later, we send a colorful arrangement of flowers to the family of the deceased to let them know they are still in our thoughts and prayers. I cannot tell you how often we are told, "Thank you for thinking of us. It feels as though everyone's world has gone on and no one remembers we are in pain, but you remember."
Abby, it makes us feel wonderful to let someone know they matter. -- FLOWER FANS, LONG ISLAND, N.Y.
DEAR FLOWER FANS: That's a terrific plan of action, and one from which many can learn. Too often, after the funeral and all the offers of "What can I do to help?" -- there is only silence.