CONFIDENTIAL TO 'DYING ANGEL IN JOHNSON CITY': You need more help than your pastor, his wife and the members of the church are trained to give you. However, help is available. Pick up the phone and ask the operator to connect you to the Johnson City Emergency Rescue Squad. After you have made the call, please write again and include your address. You are in my prayers.
PUPPY LOVE MUST BE FOLLOWED BY SERIOUS FAMILY COMMITMENT
DEAR ABBY: Giving an adorable puppy as a gift seems like a cute idea at holiday time. It can be a great idea, but it can also be a disaster if the recipient isn't committed to caring properly for the pet.
Abby, we have a wonderful dog we were blessed to find through a rescue program last year. She's 3 years old and perfectly trained. I'm grateful she was given to the rescue program rather than the owner keeping her and neglecting her.
Recently, while surfing the Net, I read the following heartbreaking poem. Please print it. Perhaps it will save some beautiful animal a life of misery and neglect. -- JUDITH ROBINSON, CINCINNATI
DEAR JUDITH: I have seen the poem before, and it truly is a heart-wrencher. I, too, hope it will spare a loving pet a lifetime of neglect. Read on:
ALONE AGAIN
I wish someone would tell me
What it is that I've done wrong,
Why I have to stay chained up
And left alone so long.
They seemed so glad to have me
When I came here as a pup.
There were so many things we'd do
While I was growing up.
They couldn't wait to train me
As companion and as friend.
They told me they would never fear
Being left alone again.
The children said they'd feed me,
Said they'd brush me every day,
They'd play with me and walk me,
If only I could stay.
But now the family hasn't time.
They often say I shed.
They won't allow me in the house,
Not even to be fed.
The children never walk me.
They always say, "Not now!"
I wish that I could please them.
Won't someone tell me how?
All I have is love, you see,
I wish they would explain,
Why they said they wanted me
Then left me on a chain.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sibling Rivalries Resurface After Daughter Moves Home
DEAR ABBY: I'm the youngest of nine children. When my father passed away two years ago, I moved to northern Ohio to care for my ailing mother. I thought I was doing the family a favor.
When I moved home, I allowed my sisters to control my life as they had for the past 35 years. I finally drew the line and told them to stay away from me. I told them they could visit Mother during the day because I work full-time. (They don't have steady jobs.)
Mother has always loved me, and she knew how they were treating me. She informed them that if they didn't get off my case, she wanted nothing to do with them. This angered them even more, and they stopped calling and visiting us. It hurt my mother deeply. She changed her will, leaving me the house and furniture, and named me executor of her estate.
When mother was hospitalized, she told me not to contact my sisters, and I followed her wishes. This infuriated them, but they did begin visiting us again and calling on the phone, although I temporarily put a block on their calls so they wouldn't disturb Mother.
Please tell me what I should do to win back my sisters' love, but not allow them to control me. -- UPSET IN OHIO
DEAR UPSET: You are serving as "gatekeeper" to your mother, and it's understandably resented by other siblings. They have as much right to see and talk with her as you do. Putting a block on their calls, however well-intentioned your motives may have been, was the wrong thing to do.
You may not be able to re-establish a loving relationship with your sisters, but you could create harmony by encouraging them to visit your mother as frequently as possible. If you feel they are "controlling you," leave the premises when they come to visit.
DEAR ABBY: My wife's mother passed away last summer, leaving her husband alone. He is an alcoholic, in generally poor health, and has been in and out of the hospital. My problem is that my wife has now decided she wants him to live with us.
We have three children and a dog in our four-bedroom house. If my father-in-law moves in here, my sons, ages 7 and 13, will have to share a bedroom.
Abby, I feel that even though she asked me if it would be all right for her father to move in, it wouldn't have mattered what I said. The other evening she asked me when we were going to set up the bunk beds for the boys. My reply was that I was not happy about this and didn't want her father here. As you may guess, she's furious with me and now she won't speak to me.
I am not doing this to be mean, as she says. I believe he is a bad influence on the children. Also, my wife works nights, and that means I'll be the one who will be home with him all evening.
Am I being unreasonable? An opinion from an impartial person would be appreciated. -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR ANONYMOUS: No, you are not being unreasonable. Present your wife with alternatives for her father such as senior services, live-in help or a senior care facility. The two of you should be able to compromise on this issue even if the solution isn't perfect.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
New Wife Cannot Understand Husband's Generosity to His Ex
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I married "Earl," a man with two children. We had both been single parents for years. Earl divorced in 1982. I divorced in 1987. I have four children. Only one is still living at home, and he's in college.
Abby, every Christmas since his divorce, Earl has given his children money to buy their mother a present. I assumed he had discontinued this after we married. However, this year I discovered that Earl gave them a blank check to buy something for their mother. (Her gift wound up costing $215.)
Earl insists he's teaching them an important lesson about Christmas and giving. Abby, his children don't have to pay for college, gas, clothing, food or car insurance. They each drive a sport utility vehicle.
I don't understand the lesson he's trying to teach them, and he seems unable to explain it to me. Can you? -- HURT IN KANSAS
DEAR HURT: Old traditions die hard. Your husband has probably always "slipped" his children money to buy their mother a Christmas present. He apparently can afford it. Perhaps on some level he feels guilty about the breakup of the marriage -- or he simply may want to stay in her good graces. If he's taking good care of you, don't make an issue of it.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently left our 2-year-old daughter with my mother-in-law while we went shopping. When we returned, we reclaimed our daughter and went home.
After we arrived, I noticed my mother-in-law had cut my daughter's bangs. I have been growing her bangs since she had hair, and I intended for her hair to be all one length without bangs. (I kept her hair pulled back deliberately while it was growing out.)
Abby, I am furious. I feel that as her mother I have a right to choose my daughter's hairstyle without outside interference. My husband agrees with me, but he is unwilling to speak to his mother. He says that I can "chew her out" at my peril. How should I handle this? -- EXASPERATED IN INDIANA
DEAR EXASPERATED: The nicest thing about hair is that it grows constantly. The damage isn't permanent. I agree that your mother-in-law should not have cut your daughter's bangs without your permission, but it's not worth a scene.
To prevent it from happening again, tell your mother-in-law that you're trying to grow your daughter's hair to one length, so please refrain from trimming it.
DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for a wonderful gift you gave me. Let me explain:
When I was a small child, my father would insist that my twin sister and I read aloud to him. He'd sit us on his lap at the dining room table, and we'd each take turns reading your column aloud to him. That special time with my father was a very precious gift.
Abby, Dad is now terminally ill and doesn't have the promise of tomorrow. Your columns presented us with a golden opportunity to spend time with our father, and for that I thank you. Sign me ... BLESSED AND LOVES TO READ, LAKELAND, FLA.
DEAR BLESSED: I am touched by the use to which your father put my column, and impressed that at this difficult time you are dwelling on the happiness you shared with him. Thank you for the compliment.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)