For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Branson Salutes Our Veterans More Than Just Once a Year
DEAR ABBY: In Branson, Mo., in the heartland of America, we embrace patriotism. Not only does our community host the nation's largest Veterans Day celebration -- Veterans Homecoming -- we honor veterans every day. Our Fourth Annual Homecoming (Nov. 5-11) was attended by more than 25,000 veterans, and we spared no effort to make that week of celebration even more memorable than in years past.
Abby, the Branson Veterans Task Force is a nonprofit organization that creates events honoring veterans year-round. Among the major events we have planned for 1999: Branson Remembers -- a Memorial Day tribute; an old-fashioned patriotic Fourth of July celebration for veterans and families; special memorial services for POW/MIA Day; a ceremony to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the VFW; the annual memorial service for the Four Chaplains of the USS Dorchester; and a ceremony during which we place the flag at half-staff to honor veterans of the Korean War. And, of course, there will be the Fifth Annual Veterans Homecoming, Nov. 5-11, 1999. These are just a sample, in addition to numerous military reunions and conventions throughout the year.
Celebrated entertainers who make Branson their home will participate in the special events and services, and give of their time and talents -- Wayne Newton, Tony Orlando, the Lennon Sisters, Mel Tillis, the Osmonds, Jim Stafford and Box Car Willie, to name only a few. They enthusiastically join in the programs to let our veterans of all conflicts know they are truly honored guests.
Our goal is not only to honor those who have served, but also to educate our youth regarding the sacrifices veterans have made to preserve our freedom. An ongoing educational program has been created in our schools that includes many Medal of Honor recipients as guest speakers.
So please, Abby, convey to veterans everywhere that Branson, Mo., honors American veterans EVERY DAY! -- DEBBIE IKERD, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
DEAR DEBBIE: Armed conflicts are painful to remember. As time has passed, many Americans have forgotten what was accomplished because of the sacrifices of the members of our armed forces to ensure our comfort, freedom and well-being. However, we must never forget -- or allow our children to forget -- our courageous veterans, both on the battlefield and behind the lines. This includes not only those of World War II and the Cold War that dragged on for decades, but also those of Korea, Vietnam, Grenada, Panama and Desert Storm.
To all the members of the Branson Veterans Task Force: I salute you for keeping the memory alive. It's a pleasure to publicize your efforts on behalf of all veterans.
DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old and have read your column for the last three years. Well, I have just been through thank-you card season again. It can be frustrating, but I found out that instead of sending a card, you can give the person a phone call. It's less frustrating than writing, and you get to hear the person's voice. Bye! -- S.H. IN JEFFERSONVILLE, IND.
DEAR S.H.: I disagree! A phone call can come at an inconvenient time -- and then it becomes an interruption. Also, a thank-you note can be read, re-read and saved -- and many become treasured keepsakes.
GRANDMA NEEDS ADVICE FOR GIRL WHO'S ABOUT TO BECOME A TEEN
DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter's 13th birthday is approaching. It is special because she will be a teen-ager, an exciting time filled with new experiences and responsibilities. I would like to give her some advice about boys and dating. She is already boy-crazy. However, every time I try to tell her something, she says, "Oh, Grandma, you're so old-fashioned! Things are different now."
What I need is some advice from you, Abby. She reads your column every morning before she goes to school, and she doesn't consider your advice old-fashioned.
Please, Abby, can you help me to help my granddaughter? -- GRACE IN GRAPEVINE, TEXAS
DEAR GRACE: Your granddaughter is right about one thing: Things are different now from when you were her age. Teen-agers today must handle far more complex problems than either of us faced when we were young. Today's teens face pressure to have sex, and risk contracting sexually transmitted diseases if they do become sexually active. There is the temptation of drugs, and they must deal with more violence than we ever did.
We have fewer stay-at-home mothers these days, and without the necessary time to communicate with their parents, young people often pick up what they can from other teens who are equally inexperienced. For that reason, I wrote my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," which answers many questions teens have about sex, love, drugs, and how to handle the many pains of growing up.
The booklet has been used at both church and nonsectarian summer camps, and many teachers have suggested that it would be even more helpful if it were given to children ages 10 to 12, because today children mature earlier physically than they did a generation ago.
To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: When I was very young, my brothers molested me. I have tried everything to get over my anger toward them, but I still feel that they "owe" me.
Abby, my marriage failed and I have never had a stable relationship because I feel that every man is lying to me and is out to hurt me. I just can't seem to get past the pain. I would like to put this behind me and forgive them, but I can't. -- MOLESTED IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR MOLESTED: You say you feel that your brothers "owe" you and indicate that you cannot heal because of your anger. They cannot repay your stolen innocence, nor can they undo your trauma. As an adult, only you have the power to heal yourself, with the help of others who have been in your situation and with professional counseling. Counseling and a self-help support group are not options; they're mandatory if you're ever going to put what happened behind you. At that point you may -- or may not -- choose to "forgive."
For the location of a support group in your area, send a long (business-sized), stamped (33 cents), self-addressed envelope to: Survivors of Incest Anonymous Inc., P.O. Box 26870, Baltimore, Md. 21212.
I urge you, and anyone who has been molested, to take that first step toward healing today. Don't delay. Write for information, and ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to Pennsylvania the last week of December and slept in a motel room that we noticed had an unpleasant odor. It was not from smoke. We had requested a smoke-free room and got one. However, I had an allergic reaction to something, and had a difficult night.
The next day I mentioned it to the maid, and she told me there had been a "cute little doggy" in the room the night before. I then told the manager about my allergy to dogs. She did not apologize. She said, "Well, we like our pets ..." Needless to say, we will never frequent that motel chain again.
My husband and I do not hate animals, Abby, but we don't want to eat or sleep with them. Maybe others feel as we do. We know that people who eat and sleep with their dogs would smuggle them into a motel any way they could. The few motels that enforce the "No Pets" rule should be commended.
Thanks for listening, and for printing this. -- ABBY FAN, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.
DEAR FAN: Your mistake was in not mentioning the fact that you have an allergy to dogs when you requested the smoke-free room. Just as there are smoke-free rooms reserved for guests who suffer from a sensitivity to cigarette smoke, there should be rooms available upon request for those who have pet allergies. Try it next time you and your husband are traveling.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mourning in Texas" prompted me to write. "Mourning" was disappointed about the small number of floral arrangements sent to his late wife's funeral.
You were correct in stating that many people donate money to charity in order that "something good" may come from the sadness of a loved one's death. However, we should all remember that floral arrangements sent to a wake or the home of the grieving are also "something good" -- and useful.
Too often, people hesitate to send flowers thinking they'll be thrown out after the funeral. But what is important is the message of condolence that flowers convey to the grieving family during those extremely difficult few days. Flowers are for the living -- they say, "We loved her, too. She had value to us, and we care that you are grieving."
This is not to say that making a charitable donation isn't worthwhile, but to remind people that sometimes flowers speak volumes.
May I share with you what my husband and I do at such times? When we attend a funeral or a wake, we take a card and a single rose. One week later, we send a "thinking of you" card. A month later, we send a colorful arrangement of flowers to the family of the deceased to let them know they are still in our thoughts and prayers. I cannot tell you how often we are told, "Thank you for thinking of us. It feels as though everyone's world has gone on and no one remembers we are in pain, but you remember."
Abby, it makes us feel wonderful to let someone know they matter. -- FLOWER FANS, LONG ISLAND, N.Y.
DEAR FLOWER FANS: That's a terrific plan of action, and one from which many can learn. Too often, after the funeral and all the offers of "What can I do to help?" -- there is only silence.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)