To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Brother's Death From Sniffing Should Be Warning for Teens
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Concerned Counselor in Virginia Beach," who wrote about the problem he was having with teen-aged girls who saw no harm in "huffing" (sniffing glue from a spray can) to get high, I had to write. He asked you for names of celebrities who have died from drug overdoses, which you provided for him in abundance because, sadly, some celebrities, like some teen-agers, think nothing will ever happen to them.
Let me tell you a story about a REGULAR person who happened to be my 16-year-old brother. Twenty-nine years ago (yes, I still keep count) my brother, unbeknownst to me, was experimenting with ways to get high. He tried huffing. I was in college at the time. On March 16, four days before my 20th birthday, I got a phone call at 3 a.m. telling me that my only brother had died. I was devastated. It was the worst time in my life. I still think about it every March 16.
I grew up real quick that week. Not only did I help my dad arrange the funeral because Mom was totally unable, but a few weeks later, I came home for spring break. I opened the door of his bedroom where he had died to find that it had not been cleaned since his death. It was not a pretty sight. I called my dearest friend, who lived five hours away at the time, and told her. She was there the next morning. We dealt with cleaning up the blood he had coughed up while his lungs were hemorrhaging and no one could do anything to help. To this day, she is my dearest friend, even though we have not lived in the same city for 31 years.
I deeply regret that my brother never got to grow up, live his life, get married and have children of his own to love. I have always regretted that my children never had the chance to meet and know their wonderful Uncle Mark.
If today's teen-agers feel the need to get high, please let them know this is not the way to do it. Huffing kills! -- DEBBY BENSON, WILMETTE, ILL.
DEAR DEBBY: I offer my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved younger brother. I join you in the fervent hope that the story of his tragic, senseless death will serve as a warning to teens who mistakenly believe that "huffing" is a harmless pastime. Thank you for writing.
DEAR ABBY: I had to giggle when I read the letter from the reader complaining about the Christmas gifts they had received in years past. It reminded me of a feminist joke. If you like it, feel free to print it. -- BURLESON, TEXAS, READER
DEAR READER: It's cute, and I'm sure many people will enjoy it. Read on:
THE FIRST CHRISTMAS
If on the first Christmas, the three wise men had been women, they would have asked for directions, arrived on time, cleaned the stable, helped deliver the baby, made a casserole and brought PRACTICAL gifts.
HOTLINE VOLUNTEERS GET AS MUCH AS THEY GIVE BY HELPING OTHERS
DEAR ABBY: Please print my letter about volunteering on suicide prevention/crisis hotlines.
Suicide affects most of us at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who has considered suicide, attempted it or killed himself or herself. While it is a challenge to talk with someone about suicide, doing so opens communication in an amazing way. It is an enriching experience for both the person in crisis and the volunteer. I hope the U.S. surgeon general's recent statements on this issue will draw nationwide attention to its importance. There IS something that can be done about it -- become a volunteer! Contact your local suicide prevention/crisis hotline and find out how. -- A VOLUNTEER IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR VOLUNTEER: Your letter is an important one. I'm often asked to recommend worthy causes to which people can donate time or money. I can think of no more meaningful way to fill one's extra time than by literally saving the lives of others. It takes some time and training to become a hotline volunteer; however, the emotional payoff is beyond description.
DEAR ABBY: Here's how we solved the "appropriate gift" problem for our elderly parents.
Knowing that my mother-in-law was having difficulty keeping her house cleaned (vacuuming, floor scrubbing, etc.), we decided to give them one gift that would last all year. We eliminated Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthday, anniversary and Christmas presents, and instead hired someone to come into their home and clean it once a month. My husband, his sister and I pay for the service each month.
We lost my mother-in-law last year, and the day after her funeral, my father-in-law asked if we could continue the service because it was so very much appreciated.
No longer do I have to wrack my brain to buy something I'm not sure would be wanted or needed. -- ANN MANOS, GRAVETTE, ARK.
DEAR ANN: I can't think of a more practical gift. Thanks for an ingenious solution to a problem that crops up every year. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: A reader asked you how to stop elderly relatives from sending useless gifts without hurting their feelings.
I would suggest that the reader tell them how much a record of their own history and personal recollections would mean to younger members of the family. These stories could be written or taped, but should always be identified as to who the person is and all the proper dates. They could also be recorded in installments and given on various gift-giving occasions. Many families would deeply appreciate such gifts. Historical societies could no doubt help the elderly with suggestions, if needed.
My mother was born in the late 1800s to pioneer parents. I am grateful that she allowed me to tape her recollections of her parents as well as her own experiences. Many children and other relatives would appreciate similar gifts. -- HARRIET FROM TAMPA
DEAR HARRIET: That's a terrific suggestion. A collection of written recollections would make a unique bound volume after a few years -- and the collection of tapes becomes a one-of-a-kind library or oral history.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your daughter's ex-boyfriend continues to call you and ask for information about her personal life and activities?
After two years of dating, "Anna" ended the relationship. There were vast differences in their maturity and goals, and she had been unhappy for some time. Our family always welcomed him into our home, and I think because of this, he feels that I'll sympathize with him.
I have told him that I cannot and will not give out information that is no longer his concern, yet he continues to call. He cries and tells me how much he loves her, that he cannot live without her. This is beginning to frighten me, as I have seen him driving down our street late at night with the headlights turned off. He is not a teen-ager; he is 24. My daughter insists that he would never harm her, but his denial of reality makes me very concerned. -- A WORRIED MOM
DEAR WORRIED MOM: The next time he calls and cries, tell him that the signals he's sending out are not those of "love" but obsession. Tell him that he has been seen driving by with his lights off, and it's not a sign of devotion; it could be considered stalking. Explain that you are concerned about him because his behavior isn't normal, and if he's unable to accept reality, he should seek professional counseling. If he persists, consider getting caller ID -- and notify the police about the drive-bys.
DEAR ABBY: I am in love with a 44-year-old man I'll call "Mark." He was a guest for about five months here at the hotel where I work. Mark would stay here Monday through Friday and go home every weekend. His job transfer was the reason he was staying here. After he sold his home, he planned to move closer to here.
Well, a few days ago Mark got promoted, and now he has to work in Detroit. He lives only a couple of hours from Detroit, so he might not have to sell his house after all. The bad thing is, not only is Mark working in Detroit, he also has a wife.
I know this whole thing is wrong, but I love him. He promised to leave me his pager and cell phone numbers when he left, but he didn't. In fact, my boss was the one who told me that he got the new job and would never be back again. Mark and I saw each other for most of his stay here, and I miss him so much. I don't know why he left the way he did or why he hasn't even called. I have a boyfriend, and he happens to like Mark. (He doesn't know about us.)
I have Mark's address and telephone number at home, but I can't call because of his wife. I'm in the process of making plans to move to Detroit just so I can be near him. Abby, I love Mark and will do anything just to see his face and hear his voice -- even if it's for the last time. What should I do? -- MISSING MARK IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING MARK: A man who cared about you and respected your feelings would not have left it to your boss to tell you about his promotion and the fact that he wasn't returning.
Not only are you missing Mark, you also seem to be missing the entire picture. Face it, my dear -- you've been dumped.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)