DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for a year. My ex and I are no longer speaking. I recently found our wedding album. What should I do with it?
I'm thinking of keeping it because it contains fun pictures from my past. Or perhaps I'll send it to her parents because the wedding was held in their home. Any ideas? -- MICHAEL IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MICHAEL: Call and ask your former in-laws if they'd like to have the album. If they say yes, make a copy of the pictures you would like to keep and send the album to them. If the answer is no, keep the album for yourself. But don't be surprised if your next wife prefers that you keep it out of sight or in storage.
DEAR ABBY As the author of three wedding books, I was truly appalled at how "Happy to Lose the Lottery's" co-worker handled informing her that she was not to be invited to her wedding.
Brides often ask me how to handle letting people know that they won't be invited to the wedding. I always suggest that, whatever the reason, they tell people in person (or over the phone or in a written note) that although they would love to invite them, there are reasons why they can't. They can say, "We're going off to our cabin in Wisconsin for a private ceremony," or as was stated in the first half of the message that "Happy" received, "Due to the physical nature of the wedding space, there will not be enough space for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to invite."
In fact, that bride was on the right track in the message she sent -- and if that had been ALL she'd said, I doubt "Happy to Lose" would have been so upset. But to create a "lottery" and then inform people that they were "losers" was really uncalled for. And then to tell someone to send a gift, for which he or she would be thanked "in absentia," was truly over the top. -- LEAH INGRAM, NEW HOPE, PA.
DEAR LEAH: You put it far more politely than most of the people who responded to that item. However, some readers not only were offended at the idea of the lottery, they also found the format of the announcement offensive. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: If I had received an e-mail from "Elmer" and "Gladys" announcing that I had lost their "lottery" and that I would be thanked for my anticipated gift "in absentia," I would have sent the following form letter in return:
DEAR FRIENDS: We were thrilled to learn of your significant life event through your announcement, invitation, letter, phone call or e-mail. We offer our heartfelt congratulations on your engagement, marriage, birth of your child, new home, anniversary, birthday, confirmation or graduation, or any of these accomplishments on the part of any of your children. How happy and proud you must be!
We must inform you that we have chosen to live an extravagant lifestyle even beyond our already affluent means. Unfortunately, this leaves us with no money to buy gifts for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to honor on their special occasions. Therefore, you will not be receiving any gift from us, other than our good wishes. -- DORENE IN L.A.
P.S. Tasteless is as tasteless does!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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