DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mother on the Defensive," who resented her friends disciplining her children, really got my attention. You're going to get lots of mail on that one!
Haven't you seen people who have tunnel vision when it comes to their children's behavior? If you have, apparently you haven't been cooped up with them on vacation.
I never permitted any child to do things in my home that my own children were not allowed to do. If their parents ignored the misbehavior, then I spoke up and told their children to stop running, screaming or whatever. -- VOICE OF REASON IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR VOICE: You're right; I received a barrage of letters from readers who thought I was too easy on the mother. Many of them related stories about visiting children who walked on white couches and porch railings, had tantrums if fragile knickknacks were placed out of their reach, and one who fell off a diving board and broke his arm after having been told to stay away from it. The common denominator in all of them was parents who tolerated the behavior while completely ignoring their function as responsible adults.
"Mother on the Defensive" stated that her children had been "humiliated" by her friends, and were "hesitant to do anything around them for fear of being disciplined." I interpreted that to mean the discipline was excessive, and advised the mother to make it plain to their friends that should the children need discipline, she and her husband would administer it.
However, if no one is supervising the children and stepping in when things get out of hand, someone should. And if the parents fail to assert themselves, another adult must.