Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Man Who's Hard to Live With Can't Live Without Ex Lover
DEAR ABBY: I've been living with someone for nearly two years. When we first met we both expected it to last forever. We work together and were together nearly all the time. This took its toll on our relationship. I did everything for her, Abby, including buying us a house I honestly didn't think we were ready for with my life savings.
Six months later she told me she wanted to separate. This wasn't the first time she's done this. After a week of lethargy, I got angry and frustrated and threw her out in a rage!
Abby, I admit I'm not easy to live with. She just thought I regretted our relationship and didn't love her anymore. I loved and still love her and her young son. I've humiliated myself trying to win her back. Despite the advice of my friends, I still want to share my life with her, but she's stubborn and fiercely proud and says she just wants to be "friends."
Abby, I'm a great-looking guy and know I'd make a terrific husband, and while I'm not a vain man, I wouldn't have a hard time finding someone else. Problem is, for some crazy reason, I want HER. What do I do? -- HEARTBROKEN AND ABANDONED IN CANADA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN AND ABANDONED: Since you were the one who threw this woman and her child out, I fail to see why you are now taking the stance of having been abandoned.
You describe yourself as "not easy to live with" and have demonstrated a volatile temper. You describe your efforts to win this woman back as "humiliating." Has it occurred to you that she may have felt humiliated when she found herself and her child without a roof over their heads?
Whether it's possible to patch up this rift remains to be seen. A giant step in the right direction would be for you to seek counseling in anger management techniques. That way she would have some assurance that your apology is sincere and that you are taking steps to change.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, James Patrick Kinney, wrote the poem "The Cold Within" in the 1960s. It is gratifying to know he left something behind that others appreciate.
He submitted it to the Saturday Evening Post; however, it was rejected as "too controversial for the times."
Jim was active in the ecumenical movement. His poem was sent in to the Liguorian, a Catholic magazine. That was its first official publication to my knowledge. Since then, it has appeared in church bulletins, teaching seminars and on talk radio, listed as "Author Unknown." If that was done for legal protection, I understand. My family is always happy to see it appear, but we do think the true author should be given credit.
Jim died at 51 of a heart attack on May 23, 1973, after retiring to Sarasota, Fla.
My second marriage was to Homer Kenny, a Sarasota widower, so I became ... MRS. JAMES KINNEY-KENNY
DEAR MRS. KINNEY-KENNY: I agree that the true author should be given credit. James Kinney was a gifted poet. How sad that he died so young, because he had keen insight and constructive things to say to all of us.
American's Creed Celebrates Values for Which We Stand
DEAR ABBY: I recently retired from the U.S. Air Force as a chief master sergeant, having spent more than 35 years of my life serving my country. I still get goose bumps when I witness a parade and Old Glory passes by. I am proud to stand and salute when the national anthem is played at a sporting event. This country is very important to me, and although she may not be perfect, I feel America is way ahead of whomever is in second place. All Americans should honor and respect our country every chance they get.
For these reasons, I was surprised and excited by a passage I discovered a few months ago. The passage is entitled "The American's Creed." Its author is William Tyler Page, clerk of the U.S. House of Representatives in 1917. It was accepted by the House on behalf of the American people on April 3, 1918.
I was so impressed by his creed that I wanted to introduce it to others who may also have missed it. Patriotism seems to cling by a thin lifeline these days, and anything we can do to bolster it can only help. If you agree with my impression of the essay, please put William Tyler Page's creed in your column. -- WILLIAM D. LaVALLE, LINDALE, GA.
DEAR WILLIAM: "The American's Creed" is beautifully written and very moving, and it's well worth space in my column. Its message will touch many hearts, and I thank you for sending it. Read on:
THE AMERICAN'S CREED
"I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a republic; a sovereign nation of many sovereign states; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.
"I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies."
DEAR ABBY: You reminisced in a recent column that we used to be more tolerant of each other. A reader, Irma Barragan, pointed out that we really were not all that tolerant -- and the "good old days" were not all that good for everyone. I feel you conceded her point far too easily.
What has changed, regrettably, are our ideals. In some ways, we certainly were not as tolerant then as we are now. (After all, we have made some important progress since, say, 1964.) But we were headed deliberately in the direction of tolerance, of integration into the "melting pot." In those "good old days," when we noticed intolerance, we still believed that it would -- and SHOULD -- disappear with time.
No more. As a country, we no longer aspire to be a melting pot. Now we are satisfied with a patchwork of separate cultures, each with uneasy relations with everyone else: a Balkanized society.
I once heard a politician define himself as a "paleo-liberal" because he still believes in integration, not multiculturalism. That's me: one of the melting pot liberals. Remember us? -- J. MacAUSLAN, NASHUA, N.H.
DEAR J: Indeed, I do, and warmly, too. As the daughter of immigrant parents whose fervent wish was to learn English and become good Americans, those are the values with which I was raised.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Don't Always Blame Parents; It Might Not Be Their Fault
DEAR ABBY: Regarding your advice to the physician whose girlfriend has poor table manners, you advised him to tell her that "her parents shortchanged her in one area -- her table manners."
Her parents? Always the parents! Nowhere in his letter did the physician refer to her parents. I am overweight and love good food. However, I eat too fast. My parents always told us to take our time while eating, to enjoy our food and not to eat the meat first. Is it my parents' fault that I did not listen? I think not!
This lady may have developed her bad habits in school or in work cafeterias. Perhaps her schedule forces her to eat "on the run." Please, Abby, don't blame the parents. You can do better. -- WILLIAM S., TORONTO, CANADA
DEAR WILLIAM S.: The physician did not complain that his girlfriend ate her food too quickly; he said her table manners were poor. He asked if I had any suggestions on how to give her pointers on manners without embarrassing her.
I advised him to begin by listing the qualities he loved about her, and then explaining that there was one area in which her parents had shortchanged her -- her table manners. The reason I suggested it was not to malign the parents, but to introduce the subject in a way that would not make the woman defensive.
DEAR ABBY: My husband travels extensively on business. Because he's gone so much of the time, I pay the bills and handle his correspondence. He often calls and asks the children to check the post office box for letters and postcards to them from him.
Some weeks ago, he was in a post office in Arizona to send some letters home. The postal clerk who assisted him copied our P.O. box number and wrote him several letters about how infatuated she was with his looks and how she hoped he was not really married. She mentioned in one of the letters that she does this regularly, in order to have so-called pen pals.
Our 14-year-old daughter opened one of her letters by mistake, thinking it was from a relative, and was horrified. My husband is completely unaware that this has happened. He's en route between Cincinnati and Maryland.
I am furious. If my husband were a celebrity, this would be considered stalking. I feel the clerk's behavior was highly inappropriate and something should be done about it. Our privacy was violated, and I need some answers. -- FURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being furious. The postal worker was a mile out of line. I contacted the Postal Inspection Service and explained your problem. The representative said the most effective way to handle this is to go to your local post office, request a complaint form and turn it in. That ought to cool her ardor in a hurry.
CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: A young boy handed a bank teller a check made out for 1 cent and said, "Please cash this check." The teller looked at it and asked the boy, "How do you want it -- heads or tails?" (Submitted by Lou Yelnick, Sea Gate, N.Y.)
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)