To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
American's Creed Celebrates Values for Which We Stand
DEAR ABBY: I recently retired from the U.S. Air Force as a chief master sergeant, having spent more than 35 years of my life serving my country. I still get goose bumps when I witness a parade and Old Glory passes by. I am proud to stand and salute when the national anthem is played at a sporting event. This country is very important to me, and although she may not be perfect, I feel America is way ahead of whomever is in second place. All Americans should honor and respect our country every chance they get.
For these reasons, I was surprised and excited by a passage I discovered a few months ago. The passage is entitled "The American's Creed." Its author is William Tyler Page, clerk of the U.S. House of Representatives in 1917. It was accepted by the House on behalf of the American people on April 3, 1918.
I was so impressed by his creed that I wanted to introduce it to others who may also have missed it. Patriotism seems to cling by a thin lifeline these days, and anything we can do to bolster it can only help. If you agree with my impression of the essay, please put William Tyler Page's creed in your column. -- WILLIAM D. LaVALLE, LINDALE, GA.
DEAR WILLIAM: "The American's Creed" is beautifully written and very moving, and it's well worth space in my column. Its message will touch many hearts, and I thank you for sending it. Read on:
THE AMERICAN'S CREED
"I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people; whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a republic; a sovereign nation of many sovereign states; a perfect union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes.
"I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it, to support its Constitution, to obey its laws, to respect its flag, and to defend it against all enemies."
DEAR ABBY: You reminisced in a recent column that we used to be more tolerant of each other. A reader, Irma Barragan, pointed out that we really were not all that tolerant -- and the "good old days" were not all that good for everyone. I feel you conceded her point far too easily.
What has changed, regrettably, are our ideals. In some ways, we certainly were not as tolerant then as we are now. (After all, we have made some important progress since, say, 1964.) But we were headed deliberately in the direction of tolerance, of integration into the "melting pot." In those "good old days," when we noticed intolerance, we still believed that it would -- and SHOULD -- disappear with time.
No more. As a country, we no longer aspire to be a melting pot. Now we are satisfied with a patchwork of separate cultures, each with uneasy relations with everyone else: a Balkanized society.
I once heard a politician define himself as a "paleo-liberal" because he still believes in integration, not multiculturalism. That's me: one of the melting pot liberals. Remember us? -- J. MacAUSLAN, NASHUA, N.H.
DEAR J: Indeed, I do, and warmly, too. As the daughter of immigrant parents whose fervent wish was to learn English and become good Americans, those are the values with which I was raised.
Don't Always Blame Parents; It Might Not Be Their Fault
DEAR ABBY: Regarding your advice to the physician whose girlfriend has poor table manners, you advised him to tell her that "her parents shortchanged her in one area -- her table manners."
Her parents? Always the parents! Nowhere in his letter did the physician refer to her parents. I am overweight and love good food. However, I eat too fast. My parents always told us to take our time while eating, to enjoy our food and not to eat the meat first. Is it my parents' fault that I did not listen? I think not!
This lady may have developed her bad habits in school or in work cafeterias. Perhaps her schedule forces her to eat "on the run." Please, Abby, don't blame the parents. You can do better. -- WILLIAM S., TORONTO, CANADA
DEAR WILLIAM S.: The physician did not complain that his girlfriend ate her food too quickly; he said her table manners were poor. He asked if I had any suggestions on how to give her pointers on manners without embarrassing her.
I advised him to begin by listing the qualities he loved about her, and then explaining that there was one area in which her parents had shortchanged her -- her table manners. The reason I suggested it was not to malign the parents, but to introduce the subject in a way that would not make the woman defensive.
DEAR ABBY: My husband travels extensively on business. Because he's gone so much of the time, I pay the bills and handle his correspondence. He often calls and asks the children to check the post office box for letters and postcards to them from him.
Some weeks ago, he was in a post office in Arizona to send some letters home. The postal clerk who assisted him copied our P.O. box number and wrote him several letters about how infatuated she was with his looks and how she hoped he was not really married. She mentioned in one of the letters that she does this regularly, in order to have so-called pen pals.
Our 14-year-old daughter opened one of her letters by mistake, thinking it was from a relative, and was horrified. My husband is completely unaware that this has happened. He's en route between Cincinnati and Maryland.
I am furious. If my husband were a celebrity, this would be considered stalking. I feel the clerk's behavior was highly inappropriate and something should be done about it. Our privacy was violated, and I need some answers. -- FURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being furious. The postal worker was a mile out of line. I contacted the Postal Inspection Service and explained your problem. The representative said the most effective way to handle this is to go to your local post office, request a complaint form and turn it in. That ought to cool her ardor in a hurry.
CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: A young boy handed a bank teller a check made out for 1 cent and said, "Please cash this check." The teller looked at it and asked the boy, "How do you want it -- heads or tails?" (Submitted by Lou Yelnick, Sea Gate, N.Y.)
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: May I give you an "upper" for the day and offer some advice for newlyweds? Make love every day!
We're in our 60s, married nearly 50 years, and we still make love every day. Our children can attest to it.
What is making love? It's a smile across a room, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the behind, a "special look." Oh, yes, it's also having sex -- but it's so much more. As you get older, the sex and passion may diminish, but the rest won't as long as you remember what your love is all about.
True, we've had arguments and serious disagreements through the years. Who hasn't? I even asked -- no, I TOLD him once in a fit of anger that I wanted a divorce. Know what he did? He gave me "that look," didn't say a word. All I needed was "that look" that says it all. "We're in this for better or for worse, for a lifetime, and most of all," it says, "I love you."
So, young people, if you make love every day and welcome God into your marriage, it will last. -- STILL LOVING AND ENJOYING IT, HOT SPRINGS, ARK.
DEAR STILL LOVING: After nearly 50 years of happy marriage, I'd say you were quite an expert. I have been married for more than 60 years, and I adhere to your philosophy. Your letter is a day-brightener, and I thank you for sending it.
DEAR ABBY: I have many friends and relatives in their 40s and older who find themselves alone and still wanting to enjoy dining out. They sit alone in crowded restaurants and feel out of place.
What would it take for the restaurant to have a table for six with "one, please" dining together? It would make it a lot more fun and increase business.
This evening, I saw a dear friend feel uncomfortable entering a restaurant alone. She has lived in this town 12 years and her husband died recently. I also saw this happen 30 years ago when my uncle passed away and my aunt tried to keep up their weekly routine. Dining alone took all the fun out of the adventure.
Abby, please ask restaurants to consider this. It will make these people feel special again. -- KATHLEEN IN SEDONA, ARIZ.
DEAR KATHLEEN: That's a great idea; however, it's not a new one. I'm told it's traditional in Germany, Austria and northern Italy. It provides a gathering place for people who prefer to meet and converse in some place other than a bar. The owners of Rockenwagner, a restaurant in Santa Monica, Calif., have found their "community table" (a Tuesday night event with a special menu) so successful they're replicating it in their second location. More restaurants should follow suit.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer another solution to the woman whose neighbor uses her hose and water to water his lawn and shrubs.
Install a turn-off valve on the water line inside the house. She can then shut off the outside water unless SHE wants to use it. It's a good idea, anyway, to shut off this water in extremely cold weather. -- DONNA F., WEST CHESTER, OHIO
DEAR DONNA F.: I heard from several readers who told me that inside shut-off valves are usually located in the basement, and that turning it off is a simple procedure. However, I live in California and do not have a basement -- so I called my plumber. He informed me that this is not usually inside a house, so it may be necessary to have one installed. I'm sure it would pay for itself over time in the form of reduced water bills.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)