To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Family Doesn't Want to Hear Aunt Talk About Their Weight
DEAR ABBY: Please help us deal with a problem we have with a dear aunt.
Every time my husband and I visit her, she greets us by telling us we have gained a lot of weight, then proceeds to tell us about other family members who are also gaining weight. If we dine out, she comments on the amount of food we eat. We are active, and 25 to 30 years younger than Auntie. No one in the family has gained an excessive amount of weight.
She has already noticed that some family members don't visit as often, and her remarks about their weight are the reason.
I don't want to cause hurt feelings. Should we try to talk to her or just ignore her comments? -- AUNTIE'S NIECE
DEAR AUNTIE'S NIECE: Talk to her. The time to bring it up is the next time your aunt mentions that the relatives don't visit as often as they used to. Her comments may be well-intended, but they are extremely tactless.
DEAR ABBY: "Glad I Tried, Joliet, Ill.," who wondered if her comatose mother heard her when she said "I love you," may feel better after hearing my experience.
My aunt was a second mother to me. She kept me when I was a child and was there for me during my critical years. Later in life, I received a call from her daughter saying that she was in a coma and not expected to live. She was living in another state, but I rushed to her side. As I stood alone in her room, I saw her move the big toe on her right foot. I said, "If you can hear me, wiggle your right toe." She did! I then asked her to move her toe once for "yes" to my questions and twice for a "no" answer.
My talk with her lasted several hours. Although she was in a coma, she responded to my every question with the correct "yes" or "no" while I sat there and talked about our lives and the many experiences we had shared. During that time, I recalled many beautiful times, and I talked and laughed while she used her toe to "talk" to me. It was a moving experience that I cherish and will always remember. Two days later, my aunt passed away. -- JOHN W. BLACK, MARINA DEL REY, CALIF.
DEAR JOHN: How kind of you to take the time to write and confirm from your own personal experience that people in comas can hear and comprehend. I received a similar account from a widow in San Francisco. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: We were standing around my husband's bed, all so sad, when my son said, "Dad, this is Al. If you can hear me, wiggle your feet." Lo and behold, the covers moved. Then he said, "Dad, Uncle Frank and his wife are here. If you can hear me, shake your feet." You should have seen the covers!
Abby, please consider this proof-positive that people in a coma can hear. My darling was pretty well into the coma because he passed away about four hours later. -- SEVEN-YEAR WIDOW, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR WIDOW: My condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. Thank you for sharing your last precious moments with him so that others will know that as long as the breath of life is there, it is never too late to express your love and compassion for someone near and dear.
Happy Wife Is Losing Sleep Over Dreams of First Love
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are approaching our fifth wedding anniversary. Apart from the usual problems you encounter in marriage (money, family, etc.), things have been very good. My husband is a loving and attentive man. I love him and feel lucky to have him in my life.
So here's my problem. During the past few years, I have had dreams about my first love whom I met in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. The relationship was wonderful, but because I was so young and due to many problems in my life, our relationship ended after a few years. I am afraid I hurt him terribly. He seemed to never want to give up on "us," but as the years went on we grew apart.
At the age of 21, I attempted a reconciliation with him, but when he found out that I had "been" with another man, it was too much for him to handle. That was the end of us. I seemed to get on with my life and forget about him. I dated, and eventually met my future husband.
Abby, the dreams have become much more intense over the years. At first, my "first love" would appear in an occasional dream. Now I am having dreams where we are getting back together or we are professing our love for each other. One week, I had four dreams four nights in a row. I wake up feeling sad, and I am in a hazy state of mind because I feel I'm being pulled back into the past with a young man I used to love so dearly.
I am confused, and I feel bad because I love my husband and can't bear to tell him the dreams I've been having. I don't want to hurt him. I am hoping this is just a phase that will pass. Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. -- LOST IN A DREAM
DEAR LOST: Romanticizing one's first love is very common. As the years roll by, people tend to minimize the pain and magnify the emotions.
I'm no expert in the interpretation of dreams, but I can tell you this: Dreams are rarely literal. It might be interesting for you to analyze what this man symbolizes in your life.
Since these dreams are recurrent and causing you discomfort, you could greatly ease your mind by discussing them with a psychoanalyst. He or she will be able to help you discover their real meaning and what's causing them.
DEAR ABBY: I am amused by the various opinions about life in recreational vehicles. They brought to mind a conversation I had with a cousin in De Smet, S.D., who owns a general store and restaurant.
When I remarked about the large size of the parking area, he replied that it had to accommodate the number of recreational vehicles during hunting season. I said that I had no desire to own one, and he said that anyone who is thinking about purchasing that kind of vehicle should take the following test:
"Take your wife, children, the dog and cat into your largest bathroom, along with some snacks and beverages. Turn on the shower and stay for two days, and if you enjoy your 'vacation,' buy an RV!"
I took his advice to heart. I now travel in my sedan and stay in hotels. -- ROBERT O. JOHNS, RENO, NEV.
DEAR ROBERT: Your cousin is a wit! In defense of RVs, there are millions of satisfied customers on the roads who can't say enough good things about that mode of travel.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Commonsense Preparation Is Best Response to Y2 K Fear
DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from a reader in Chula Vista, Calif., regarding the "Y2K Hype." While it is indisputable that many are profiting through the Y2K-related sales of merchandise, this is America and, like it or not, when people see a way to make a profit, they are free to take it. We are also free to choose what we purchase.
Thousands of people have gone to great lengths and expense to keep all services, many of which we take for granted, fully operational during the Year 2000 transition. They deserve a standing ovation for their backstage efforts. Hopefully, the sources of any Y2K-related problems will continue to be found quickly and repaired easily.
Both the Red Cross and FEMA have posted emergency preparedness articles on their Web sites with PRACTICAL as well as AFFORDABLE suggestions for all climates. While I agree with the author of the "Y2K Hype" piece (i.e., "stay calm, don't panic, use your head"), proper emergency preparedness can make a world of difference by relieving inconveniences and uncertainty until services are restored. It may even save a life.
No one ever pencils in "possible date with an emergency" on one's calendar, but it makes sense to do so. Jan. 2, 2000, is on the calendar. Why not consider making some preparations -- without the hype?
Since many of the people who need this information may not have access to it via the Internet, here are a few tips from the Red Cross disaster Y2K safety Web site. I hope you'll share it with your readers:
-- Stock supplies such as canned foods, bottled water, instant soups, etc., to last several days.
-- In the event of a power outage, plan to use alternative cooking devices in accordance with the manufacturer's instructions. NEVER use liquid-fueled heating and cooking devices without adequate ventilation.
-- Organize your first aid supplies. This includes prescription as well as nonprescription medications.
-- Have plenty of flashlights and batteries on hand. (If you have small children, keep flashlights available for their personal use and safety.) Do NOT use candles alone for emergency lighting.
-- Plan to use extra blankets, coats, hats and gloves to keep warm, NOT gas-fueled appliances such as an oven.
-- Listen to a battery-operated radio to keep yourself informed. Be prepared to relocate to a shelter for protection or warmth if necessary.
-- Check with the emergency service providers in your community BEFORE an emergency arises, particularly if you or a loved one has special needs. -- PAMELA RYAN, WILMETTE, ILL.
DEAR PAMELA: The essay I printed about Y2K has generated letters from readers who thanked me for it, and others who feel I treated the subject too lightly. For the latter, I will add:
My intuition tells me that for many people, Y2K may be the modern-day version of the backyard bomb shelters of the 1950s -- yet the prudent thing to do is to hedge your bets. Unused supplies can be donated later to charities and food banks that feed the needy. Many families are already "emergency prepared" because they live in areas geographically vulnerable to earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes. Those who have not already done so should follow the Boy Scout motto ("Be Prepared") and plan ahead for possible disruptions in the municipal services we take for granted.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)