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Talking About Being Gay Is Path to Social Acceptance
DEAR ABBY: I was lunching with five or six co-workers the other day and the topic turned to gay rights. During the conversation, one of them said, "I don't know why they have to talk about it." I was shocked speechless because everyone at the table knew that I am gay.
Later, I thought of all the things I should have said. Then I compiled a list of reasons why we talk about it. If you think it's worthwhile, please print it on Oct. 11, because that is National Coming Out Day. -- ED IN LONG ISLAND, N.Y.
DEAR ED: Whether to come out or not is a personal decision, and one that should not be taken lightly. However, your reasons present a strong argument in favor of doing so and I'm pleased to print them on National Coming Out Day to encourage those who might be hesitant about identifying themselves. It's OK to be gay, and it's OK to be yourself.
REASONS WHY WE TALK ABOUT IT
1. Until we started talking about it, laws were enacted by straight people telling gay people what they were and were not allowed to do.
Forty-five years ago, nothing could be sent through the U.S. mail about love or intimacy between gay people. Thirty years ago, openly gay people could be fired from government jobs. We could be expelled from most schools, the government could close bars that had lesbian and gay patrons, we couldn't be priests or ministers, and we were banned from many professional organizations. Twenty-five years ago, we could be jailed or institutionalized for being gay.
Laws still exist that prevent gay people from adopting, that take our children from us, that allow us to be jailed for making love to our partners, that permit straight people to refuse to rent to us, or serve us in restaurants for no other reason than that we are gay. It was "talking about it" that led to the repeal of hundreds of those laws.
2. If we didn't talk about it, enlightened people wouldn't be teaching their children that it's wrong to call people "faggot," and that it's wrong to treat gay people differently from straight people. (My parents never told me otherwise.)
3. If we didn't talk about it, straight people wouldn't know who we are, nor would they realize that their friend, co-worker, sibling, parent or child is gay. When straights don't know that someone they love is gay, they often don't stop to think how unfair it is that gay people can be legally discriminated against in 37 states.
4. We talk about it because many of us grew up thinking we were alone because nobody talked about it.
5. I talk about it because otherwise, straight people tell me anti-gay jokes and use anti-gay language in front of me.
6. I talk about it because so many other people cannot. In the U.S. military, men and women lose their jobs for saying, "I am gay," which should be a direct violation of their First Amendment rights.
7. I talk about it because I want folks to see that most gay people are average people, not the monsters that straight people are taught that we are. Prejudice like that is the reason that many gay men and women are beaten up or murdered in the streets.
8. I talk about it because my straight friends are surprised when I say that a movie they liked was awful -- completely missing the fact that the gay characters were outdated stereotypes.
9. I talk about it because I want the children in my family to know that you can be gay and a good person. And I want to counterbalance all those who are deceitful, misinformed or have misinterpreted the word of God.
Driving Under the Influence Covers More Than Alcohol
DEAR ABBY: I don't drink and have always despised alcohol and drunk drivers. On New Year's Eve in 1982, my 26-year-old brother was killed by a drunk driver.
Well, to my shock, I had a terrible car crash that has left me hospitalized for the last three weeks. I am missing one-third of the muscle and tissue in my leg. I cannot get skin grafts and reconstructive surgery for several more weeks.
The reason for the car crash was that when I decided to run to the store late one night, I misjudged how my tranquilizer medication would affect me because I was unusually tired.
Now I am charged with DUI! Not only am I in excruciating pain, I am emotionally devastated about being charged with a DUI. I never would have thought in a million years that something like this could happen.
Please print this, Abby, so people will realize that you can get a DUI for reasons other than drunk driving, and that the warning labels on your prescription bottle are there for a reason. If even one person is spared what I'm going through, it will be well worth sharing what I endured.
I thank God every day that I didn't kill someone or hurt anyone else. -- PAINFULLY WISER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR WISER: You are generous to want others to learn from what could have been a fatal error, and I hope your recovery is swift and complete. Those little labels on prescription bottles warning consumers not to take the medication in combination with driving or operating heavy equipment are there for a reason, as your experience clearly illustrates.
DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of a beautiful 1-year-old St. Bernard. She is very loving, playful, protective and weighs approximately 140 pounds. She stays indoors the majority of the time, but we allow her to run in a fenced-in yard.
Yesterday, while she was in the yard, three children were walking down the street. Two of the children were about 14 years old and the third child was about 8. The older children were laughing because we have a sign posted on the fence that says, "Beware of Dog." The youngest child picked up a long stick and started swinging it at the dog inside the fence. Luckily, this story has a happy ending. The dog just barked at the children and we took her back into the house.
Abby, I am pleading with parents to teach their children never to tease an animal. My dog is 140 pounds. A dog that size can cause a lot of damage. A dog bite from even a small dog can be serious. Children should be taught NEVER to approach any animal (especially one that is barking or growling); never swing a stick at an animal, or bark back -- even if the dog is fenced in, because it could jump over. One should just walk away.
I realize this is long, but I hope you'll print this important message. -- CONCERNED DOG OWNER, MARYVILLE, TENN.
DEAR CONCERNED: Your message is well deserving of space in my column. I would like to add that small children should be warned never to play with a dog who is eating, because the animal may think the child is trying to take its food away. Also, a dog who is nursing should be approached with care, because of her maternal instincts to protect her young.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Internet Gives Voice to People Without Enough Time to Write
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Ruth in Virginia Beach," about long-winded people accepting awards. There is another solution. Write a letter! Don't know the address? That's OK. There's bound to be a Web site for either the group or the record label they record for. You don't even have to use an envelope or a stamp anymore. Use e-mail.
It's time for those of us who provide paychecks for the stars to let them know what we think. I hear people complain about all the sex and nudity in films. Write a letter! There is a Web site for just about every film out there. Let's start letting our feelings be known.
Don't have a computer? Not on the Internet? Go to the library or an Internet cafe. I never used to write because I never knew the addresses. Now, it takes less than 15 minutes to get online, find a site and send a letter.
On the other hand, let's also be sure to write letters when we are really pleased with something. I believe if more people start sending letters, those who produce, direct, record, etc., will start paying attention. -- SUZETTE BOUCHER, SPANAWAY, WASH.
DEAR SUZETTE: I agree with you. A letter-writing campaign can be a powerful force for achieving change. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Ruth W., Virginia Beach" suggested in her letter that program committees should make rules that would prevent microphone hogs from going on and on.
One story tells of a committee that did this, telling the master of ceremonies to warn speakers that if they went past the allotted time, they would be mowed down with a sharp bang of the gavel.
The warning didn't register with one windbag, and the committee members signaled the emcee to gavel the person off the dais. He took up the gavel, but in his nervous state about performing such a gutsy move, he gave the person sitting next to him a mighty blow on the head. The injured man was heard to say, as he slipped under the table, "Hit me again. I can still hear him talking." -- BERNARD BRUNSTING, STUART, FLA.
DEAR BERNARD: Thanks for the laugh. That's an unusual cure for a pain in the neck -- and in the future, if I'm sitting next to the emcee and see him or her reach for the gavel, I'll duck.
DEAR ABBY: I have noticed the discussion of using whistles for safety and thought I had better write to you.
My daughter had one with her the other night and when I tried to blow it, she told me it didn't work anymore. It was a full-size, chrome-plated brass, police-style whistle. Upon closer examination, I noticed it had lint in the throat from carrying it around. I used a toothpick to clean it out and, lo and behold, it nearly broke our eardrums!
Abby, you would be wise to remind people to TEST these things periodically. I, for one, did not realize that maintenance was necessary. -- RALPH E. FLORI SR., CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO.
DEAR RALPH: Neither did I -- until you and a few other caring individuals wrote to point it out. One of them also cautioned that the little ball inside the whistle can sometimes deteriorate, rendering it useless, so it's a good idea to check the whistle periodically.
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