Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is contemplating moving in with her boyfriend next spring. She is 21, he is 22. They have been dating for nearly two years. They have both completed two years of college, but have not made plans to continue their education.

Both have been employed in good summer jobs, but they have no prospects for steady employment. She lives with us and he lives with his parents.

Her father and I don't want to see them live together for all the reasons that seem obvious to us. It seems like we have no good arguments against this plan. Could you give us any help? -- CONCERNED MOM IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: The old adage "two can live as cheaply as one" is baloney. Ask them how they plan to pay the rent, utilities, license fees, car insurance, doctor bills, buy groceries and clothing, and build a nest egg for retirement.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Furious," whose in-laws expect her and her family to stick to the in-laws' schedule when they come to visit, was understanding and appropriate. "Furious" is making a mountain out of a molehill. If her in-laws lived in Hawaii and she was in New York, or vice versa, the time difference would be as much as six hours, and THEN it would be worth getting upset about. However, since only one hour is involved, "Furious" should just grin and bear it. If this is the most serious in-law problem she has, she should count her blessings. -- R.W. IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR R.W.: Thank you for the supportive letter. However, quite a few seniors chastised me for my reply. They told me people in their 60s are not too set in their routines to adapt, and old dogs CAN learn new tricks.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Furious," whose husband threatened to divorce her if she didn't keep quiet about his parents sticking to their own time schedules when they were visiting. What kind of husband would divorce his wife of 27 years for voicing her opinion and standing up for her rights -- something he obviously can't do?

I've had a few run-ins with my in-laws, so I know where she's coming from. They started throwing insults my way, but I stood up for myself. They didn't speak to me for months. When my husband made excuses for them, I sat him down and helped him understand how upset and hurt I felt. He finally realized that our marriage was his No. 1 priority, and insisted his parents apologize to me.

Abby, his parents were stunned at first, but now they show me some respect.

A simple solution would be for "Furious" and her family to push up their schedule by half an hour, and for his parents to push theirs back by half an hour. This way everyone compromises and they all win. Sign me ... WIVES SHOULD COME FIRST, LONG ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR WIVES: Compromise. That's a very good idea. A little give-and-take would make the in-laws' visit much more palatable.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600