For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am an older man in fairly good health. I walk regularly in the early mornings (to avoid the hot Texas sun). My problem is the number of dogs that are allowed to run loose through the streets. I must carry a heavy cane to beat the dogs off my legs at times. Sometimes the owners give me a hard time about that, but it's necessary to keep the dogs from biting me. The owners seem to think the dogs have the right to roam at will and bite anyone they choose.
There are so many dogs in our neighborhood that the back yards look like dog pounds, and the "gifts" the dogs leave on everyone's lawns are disgusting! The owners couldn't care less.
Abby, in my opinion, some of the uncooperative owners should be jailed. What do you think? -- FED UP IN CORPUS CHRISTI
DEAR FED UP: For the sake of the animals as well as pedestrians, it's unconscionable for owners to allow their dogs to run free in their neighborhood. The animals could be injured or killed, and very few neighbors appreciate the "gifts" dogs leave behind. The loose dogs should be reported so that the owners can be notified or cited if they refuse to control their pets. Continue calling until the job is done.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wealthy, successful businessman for a year. I am a working single mother of two who is financially stable and independent. I own my home, have savings and retirement, and have always been sensible with money.
From the beginning he has told me he was attracted to me because I am "down-to-earth, honest, genuine and not materialistic."
We have recently been discussing marriage. I love him, and feel certain about our relationship in every way. However, I am hesitant about marrying him for one reason: He wants a prenuptial agreement. I have told him that I feel it shouts, "I do not trust you," and it makes me feel that he lacks the desire for a lifetime commitment through thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and health. I also feel it hinders the bond of oneness and unity that a Christian marriage is based upon.
Abby, I truly do not want anything he has worked for and have given him my promise on that issue. I am a compromising person, but I feel very strongly about a "pre-nup." May I add that I did not take my first husband "to the cleaners" after 15 years of marriage.
Please advise me. I want my next marriage to be my last. -- OLD-FASHIONED SOUTHERN LADY
DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Please rethink your position and do not regard his insistence on having a prenuptial agreement as an insult. The purpose of the document is to protect BOTH parties should the unthinkable occur.
DEAR ABBY: "B.J." in Arkansas said she loops the strap of her handbag over her arm and then rests it on the child's seat in a shopping cart. I did that, too, but I didn't take the time to snap all the snaps and zip all the zippers on my handbag.
Someone distracted me, and when I looked away briefly, my wallet was removed from my handbag in a flash. I discovered the wallet was missing when I got to the cash register to pay for my purchases. -- KNOWS BETTER NOW IN SCOTTSDALE
DEAR KNOWS BETTER NOW: Ouch! You learned an expensive lesson. Thank you for warning other shoppers to keep their purses closed.
Resolve to Take This New Year Just One Day at a Time
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be aggreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.
We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: a happy, healthy new year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.
And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider this inspirational Chinese proverb:
"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.
"When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Woman Struggles to Separate From Her 'Inseparable' Friend
DEAR ABBY: I have a terrible problem on my hands and desperately need your advice.
Several years ago, after enduring a nightmare marriage for 27 years, I left my husband "Joe," with the loving support of a dear friend I'll call "Sally." I found a kindred spirit in this funny, gentle, intelligent woman -- and without her I don't know how I could have survived that terrible time in my life. We were virtually inseparable. I had my own room in her home, and she had her own room in mine. We took trips together, spent weekends and holidays together, took care of each other and each other's kids. We did everything together, and I must admit I've never been happier. We were always there for each other.
But after three years of trying to make it without a husband, I caved in and remarried Joe. He promised to change, and he's been quite tolerable. The problem I'm faced with is that I no longer have a place in my life for Sally. I just don't have any time for her. She does not fit in with my "married crowd." She's a single mom, and even though I love her dearly, she's quite eccentric and my husband does not approve of her.
I know how to break up with a man. My question is, how do I "break up" with a girlfriend without hurting her? I really thought that she would understand, but she apparently doesn't. She is terribly upset with how things have turned out, but there's nothing I can do about it. -- CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
DEAR CAUGHT: Your letter gives credence to the adage, "No good deed goes unpunished." There's no way to break up with Sally without hurting her.
It's not surprising that your husband disapproves of Sally. She was your lifeline during the separation, and she symbolizes your independence. Where was your "married crowd" when you needed support after your "nightmare marriage" and no longer fit in with them?
If you really wanted to, you could maintain the friendship despite the altered circumstances. However, since you don't -- show her this column and, I assure you, she will understand.
DEAR ABBY: Just a few words to let you know what happened after you printed my letter about the donation of frequent-flier miles to the Make-A-Wish Foundation:
The overwhelming number of phone calls the Make-A-Wish Foundation received at their national office prompted them to set up a special phone line to facilitate the high volume of inquiries they received after the column ran. Northwest Airlines WorldPerks members donated more than 800,000 miles in the two days following the date my letter appeared. And in addition, the foundation's Delta Airlines account was credited with more than 5 million miles during the month of July!
So, Abby, I'm pleased to report that hundreds of children will benefit. Bless you and your many readers who made this possible. -- SID FISHER, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.
DEAR SID: That's terrific news, and I know my readers will be as pleased as I to read it. To all my readers who donated airline mileage so generously, thank you on behalf of the children who will benefit for making this possible.
DEAR READERS: Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 1999. And remember, if you're driving, don't drink; and if you're drinking, don't drive.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)