Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Resolve to Take This New Year Just One Day at a Time
DEAR READERS: My New Year's column has become an annual tradition. These New Year's resolutions are based on the original credo of Al-Anon. I am using its theme with some variations of my own.
Just for today, I will live through this day only, and not set far-reaching goals to try to overcome all my problems at once. I know I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I thought I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." He was right. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. I will chase them out of my mind and replace them with happy thoughts.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
Just for today, I will improve my mind. I will not be a mental loafer. I will force myself to read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll make an honest effort to quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat nothing I know to be fattening. And I will force myself to exercise -- even if it's only walking around the block or using the stairs instead of the elevator.
Just for today, I will make a conscious effort to be aggreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, speak softly, act courteously, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll try not to improve anybody except myself.
We know so much more about nutrition and how much exercise and sensible living can extend life and make it more enjoyable; so just for today, I'll take good care of my body so I can celebrate many more happy new years.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it, thereby saving myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all: a happy, healthy new year! -- LOVE, ABBY
P.S. God bless our men and women in uniform in every corner of the world where our flag is flying. And let us not forget those patriotic Americans who are serving their country in the Peace Corps, as well as those who have served and are now in veterans hospitals and nursing homes.
And as we begin this bright, shiny new year, consider this inspirational Chinese proverb:
"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
"If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
"If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation.
"When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."
Woman Struggles to Separate From Her 'Inseparable' Friend
DEAR ABBY: I have a terrible problem on my hands and desperately need your advice.
Several years ago, after enduring a nightmare marriage for 27 years, I left my husband "Joe," with the loving support of a dear friend I'll call "Sally." I found a kindred spirit in this funny, gentle, intelligent woman -- and without her I don't know how I could have survived that terrible time in my life. We were virtually inseparable. I had my own room in her home, and she had her own room in mine. We took trips together, spent weekends and holidays together, took care of each other and each other's kids. We did everything together, and I must admit I've never been happier. We were always there for each other.
But after three years of trying to make it without a husband, I caved in and remarried Joe. He promised to change, and he's been quite tolerable. The problem I'm faced with is that I no longer have a place in my life for Sally. I just don't have any time for her. She does not fit in with my "married crowd." She's a single mom, and even though I love her dearly, she's quite eccentric and my husband does not approve of her.
I know how to break up with a man. My question is, how do I "break up" with a girlfriend without hurting her? I really thought that she would understand, but she apparently doesn't. She is terribly upset with how things have turned out, but there's nothing I can do about it. -- CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
DEAR CAUGHT: Your letter gives credence to the adage, "No good deed goes unpunished." There's no way to break up with Sally without hurting her.
It's not surprising that your husband disapproves of Sally. She was your lifeline during the separation, and she symbolizes your independence. Where was your "married crowd" when you needed support after your "nightmare marriage" and no longer fit in with them?
If you really wanted to, you could maintain the friendship despite the altered circumstances. However, since you don't -- show her this column and, I assure you, she will understand.
DEAR ABBY: Just a few words to let you know what happened after you printed my letter about the donation of frequent-flier miles to the Make-A-Wish Foundation:
The overwhelming number of phone calls the Make-A-Wish Foundation received at their national office prompted them to set up a special phone line to facilitate the high volume of inquiries they received after the column ran. Northwest Airlines WorldPerks members donated more than 800,000 miles in the two days following the date my letter appeared. And in addition, the foundation's Delta Airlines account was credited with more than 5 million miles during the month of July!
So, Abby, I'm pleased to report that hundreds of children will benefit. Bless you and your many readers who made this possible. -- SID FISHER, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.
DEAR SID: That's terrific news, and I know my readers will be as pleased as I to read it. To all my readers who donated airline mileage so generously, thank you on behalf of the children who will benefit for making this possible.
DEAR READERS: Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 1999. And remember, if you're driving, don't drink; and if you're drinking, don't drive.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Free Eye Care Is Available to Eligible Kids and Adults
DEAR ABBY: Every January for the last eight years, thousands of your readers have called and written the American Optometric Association to apply for free eye care available to low-income working people through VISION USA.
During that time, more than 7,500 optometrists have given free eye exams to nearly 245,000 children and adults. Among those helped last year was a teen-ager who had never had an eye exam and who was treated for crossed eyes that caused him to see double when he tried to read. Another young man was diagnosed and treated for glaucoma, and surgery was arranged for a middle-aged man who had a massive tear in his retina, which lines the back of the eye. Without surgical repair, he would have gone blind in that eye.
We hope you will alert your readers to the 1999 VISION USA program. Abby, we appreciate your steadfast support of VISION USA. You are helping many hardworking, deserving people to see better and have healthy eyes. -- JOHN A. McCALL JR., O.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN OPTOMETRIC ASSOCIATION
DEAR JOHN: Thank you for sharing your success stories with me and my readers. I'm pleased to publicize your generous efforts. Readers: Application forms are available now from VISION USA, 243 N. Lindbergh Blvd., St. Louis, Mo. 63141, or on the American Optometric Association (AOA) Web site (www.acanet.org) in the "Meet the AOA" section. Completed forms must be postmarked by Jan. 22, 1999. Or, from Jan. 4-29, 1999, low-income working people can be screened for eligibility for VISION USA by calling 1-800-766-4466. Phone lines will be open weekdays from 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.(CST).
To qualify for the free eye care, persons must: have a job or live in a household where there is one working member; have no health insurance that covers eye examinations; have income below an established level based on household size; and have had no eye exam within the last two years. Eligibility requirements may vary in some states.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and her brother took our children and theirs to visit their folks. It was a four-hour drive. My brother-in-law asked us to remove the middle seat from our van so his children could ride on the floor and play. Our children could be buckled in the third seat, but his would have no seat belts and would ride unprotected.
Abby, in my opinion, his request showed an outrageous lack of judgment. We have seat-belt laws in this state, and my brother-in-law had been issued a warning ticket for not buckling up his kids.
I was viewed as a fool for objecting to the removal of the middle seat. They all had a good laugh at my expense. Was I wrong? -- SAFETY-CONSCIOUS DAD IN MONTANA
DEAR DAD: You were not wrong. Had there been an accident, without seat belts, the children could have been seriously injured or killed. You were the only parent who showed common sense and concern for the safety of the children and respect for the law. I hope you stood your ground.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)