Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Please answer as soon as possible, as I am in deep trouble. My husband and I went on a gambling excursion. We had an agreement that if either of us won more than $100, we would divide the amount with each other.
He won $150 on a poker machine. I asked him for my half. Our friend, Olivia, who was standing nearby, said to me, "Oh, don't take half his winnings." I told her we'd had an agreement, and I insisted, but my husband wouldn't give me the money. After that, Olivia wasn't even civil to me.
Abby, if I had won $150, I would have given my husband the agreed-upon half. I feel it's a matter of principle.
You may think this is a trivial problem, but in this house, nothing is trivial, it seems. I'm sitting here in tears. Abby, if I'm wrong, please tell me. -- WINNER'S WIFE WHO'S WANTING
DEAR WIFE: A deal's a deal, and your husband should ante up the half of his winnings he agreed to give you. However, since he didn't, dry your tears and forgive his selfishness. In the future, don't count on him to take the high road when it comes to money.
P.S. I suggest you watch out for Olivia. With friends like that, who needs enemies?
DEAR ABBY: The following came from a local magazine dedicated to our furry companions. I think it is important enough to ask you to share with your readers. -- WINONA MANCUSI, CAMARILLO, CALIF.
DEAR WINONA: You bet it is.
TEN WORST EXCUSES NOT TO SPAY OR NEUTER A PET
1. Just one litter and then we'll have Fluffy spayed.
(Studies show that virtually the entire pet overpopulation stems from the "just one litter" mentality.)
2. My dog doesn't run loose, so he doesn't need to be fixed.
(Murphy's Law says otherwise.)
3. We always find homes for the kittens.
(And that means that an equal number of kittens at the pound will be killed.)
4. I want the children to witness the miracle of birth.
(Rent a video.)
5. My dog is so cute and unique, there should be more of her.
(The shelters and pounds are full of cute and unique dogs, most with only a few days to live.)
6. It's not natural.
(There hasn't been anything "natural" about dogs since we began to develop breeds thousands of years ago.)
7. I just couldn't look my dog in the eye if I had him castrated.
(Watch it, you're anthropomorphizing.)
8. A female dog or cat should have at least one litter for health reasons.
(Medically, factually and ethically indefensible.)
9. Neutering my dog will make him fat and lazy.
(Too much food and not enough exercise make a dog fat and lazy.)
10. Fixing my pet will change its personality.
(The primary influences on an animal's personality are the kindness and care with which it is raised.)
Readers, if your pet is not spayed or neutered, make an appointment with your veterinarian or a pet clinic today.
Couple Seeks to Find a Way of Making Love and Not War
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I fight a lot. It has been going on for a year now. Every day we have an argument in which we yell, scream and put each other down. The language gets very ugly. These episodes are triggered by trivial things. We resolve these arguments by ignoring each other or by going to sleep. The next day, it's as if nothing had happened and we're fine until the next argument.
Our families and friends have no idea, since we're very private about our fighting. They all think we're a "perfect" couple and frequently ask about our wedding plans. I don't want them to know because I feel embarrassed about our behavior.
We both grew up in emotionally abusive homes and both sets of parents are divorced. I was abandoned by my father and my boyfriend was abandoned by his mother. We don't want to end up like our parents, but I'm afraid the cycle is continuing. We want to marry and have children, but I'm afraid of how our family would turn out if we did.
I am depressed and stressed because of this. We love each other very much and want to get help to change our behavior, but money is tight. We're both college students and can't afford therapy. Any advice, Abby? -- IN LOVE AND FIGHTING
DEAR IN LOVE AND FIGHTING: Go to the student health center and ask to speak with a counselor. Free or low-cost counseling is offered to students on most college and university campuses. You and your boyfriend need to understand what is triggering these outbursts and learn to constructively vent your frustrations.
Since you both recognize there is a problem and are willing to work on it, I'm sure it can be solved. I commend you for wanting to do something about it before this relationship goes any further. That's mature thinking. I wish you both the best.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have taken several vacations with his mother ("Jane") in the past. Because last Christmas was her first holiday as a widow, we took her with us to the Caribbean. The trip was a disaster. Jane complained incessantly that she didn't like the island because it wasn't as nice as her home. I told my husband that I wouldn't spend another vacation with her because she ruined it for all of us.
This year we planned a vacation to Maui where my sister-in-law lives. We planned on keeping this a secret because we wanted to go with just our immediate family. Unfortunately, our daughter spilled the beans.
Jane now plans to go to Maui at the same time we'll be there. We are staying in a home and will have an extra bed. I am worried that she will stay with us, or plan to spend all the time with us and ruin another vacation. My husband does not want to tell her she is not welcome to come along because he's afraid it may destroy their relationship.
Abby, we work very hard and look forward to spending our annual week's vacation with our children. How can I let Jane know she is not welcome to come with us? -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR DESPERATE: Face it -- you can't. Your daughter spilled the beans and you are stuck. There's no way you can tell your mother-in-law you don't want her to join you without causing a rift, so be a good sport. If I were you, I'd start looking for a place where Jane could stay in Maui -- someplace close to you that's "as nice as her home." Better luck next year.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ELDERLY KNOW-IT-ALL MAKES FAMILY'S LIFE MISERABLE
DEAR ABBY: How can you get through to an 87-year-old father who thinks he knows everything? You can't imagine how difficult it is to live with someone who "knows everything" and is wrong 90 percent of the time.
"Papa Luke" has lived with my husband and me for the last eight years. When I had the opportunity to purchase separate but equal living arrangements, I foolishly ignored my initial instincts.
He is a very controlling person. He has to be involved and have a say in everything that goes on in MY house. People outside the family think Papa Luke is terrific, but they don't witness the intimidation, the controlling and the tantrums this family must deal with almost on a daily basis.
I find myself having to lie to him when I want to go shopping or visit my children, because if he hears the plans do not include him, he will fake illness so that I must alter my plans. Sitting down and talking won't solve the problem because he's stubborn and doesn't view himself as the family does.
When I find the nerve to put my foot down and refuse to cater to him, he calls me selfish and throws a fit. I can't plan anything social at the house because he takes over the planning and then the actual event. The grandchildren limit their visits because they don't want to put up with him and they don't see how I do.
Thanks for letting me vent, Abby. Can you provide some words of wisdom to help my family survive this no-win situation? -- PAPA LUKE'S PRISONER, FORT WORTH, TEXAS
DEAR PRISONER: Although the henhouse belongs to you, your father seems to be ruling the roost. It's up to you to change the balance of power. Since he's a bundle of energy, try to find him an outlet. Surely there are senior citizen groups in your area. Waste no time in finding one for Papa Luke. It might provide the respite you need.
In the meantime, perhaps it will preserve your sanity to repeat the following prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
DEAR ABBY: Could you please inform your readers that if they rent a post office box from a private company and then change addresses, they cannot use the U.S. Postal Service to have their mail forwarded? It is their sole responsibility to inform anyone they have dealings with that they are moving.
I work for the U.S. Postal Service, and it's amazing how many people don't know this. If they want a P.O. box from which they can have mail forwarded, they must use the official U.S. Postal Service. -- POSTAL WORKER IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR POSTAL WORKER: I was unaware of it. I'm sure it will also be news to many of my readers. Thank you for pointing this out.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.