Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Complaint About Sliced Lemons Makes Some Readers Pucker
DEAR ABBY: The number of people who take the time to write a letter, address it, stamp it and mail it only to complain about ridiculous, everyday things blows my mind. The lady who wrote complaining that restaurants don't slice lemons the way she likes them for her iced tea flabbergasted me. Maybe she should take a reality check.
When someone or something starts getting on my nerves, I find that taking a moment to think about its importance in the grand scheme of things really helps. This may seem morbid, but I do so by imagining that I am on my deathbed. Think about it: Do I want to lie there and say, "I've had a wonderful life full of challenges, beauty and love," or do I want to say, "I should have worried more about that snotty salesperson, or the paperclip requisition form"?
We can't all be easygoing all the time -- and we shouldn't be -- but the key is keeping things in their proper perspective.
Abby, the advice you gave the lemon-wedge lady was right on. If she doesn't like what's offered, she should bring her own darn lemons. That's a pretty good concept to keep in mind when it comes to just about anything. -- MONIQUE BYRNE, FREMONT, CALIF.
DEAR MONIQUE: Thank you for your support. I received a fistful of criticism for having printed that letter. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Incognito," who wrote to complain about her lemons being sliced instead of being cut into wedges in restaurants. Abby, I am only 16 years old, but I have enough sense to keep my mouth shut about small things. If I ever complain about my lemons being sliced wrong, I would hope to God that someone would slap my face.
There are people starving all over the world who would love to have a sliced lemon. I think your response to "Incognito" was way out of line. You told her it would be a "no-brainer" for chefs to provide lemon wedges. HELLO? Lemon wedges?
Abby, with all the problems we have in the world today, lemon wedges should be the least of our worries. Don't you think that a more appropriate response to "Incognito" would have been, "Get over it!"? I do. -- SKYLAR HOLBROOK, MIDLOTHIAN, VA.
DEAR SKYLAR: Not all problems are of equal importance to all people. I thought "Incognito's" letter provided an interesting change of pace and I'm sorry you did not agree that it was worthy of my column. Telling people to "get over it" is not very helpful; furthermore, it's not my style. I'm here to help my readers.
DEAR ABBY: Ever since you printed the letter from the lady who said that reading sexy books had improved her sex life, romance and sexy books have been flying off the shelves, according to the Friends of the Library bookstore here in Hot Springs, Ark.
There used to be a glut of these books in the store, but now the managers are begging for more books to be donated to fill the shelves again. What a novel way to promote literacy. -- FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY VOLUNTEER
DEAR FRIENDS VOLUNTEER: If it's getting the job done, then I'm all for it. I have always encouraged people to read, read, read. Read for information and read for pleasure. Our libraries are filled with knowledge and joy, and it's all there, free for the taking.
Couple Eager for Grandchild Should Keep It to Themselves
DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife are both 40 years old. They have been happily married for more than two years. Although we have a loving relationship with them, an important element in our lives is missing.
They have not yet produced a child. They tell us she cannot conceive without medical help. My husband and I are in our 70s. We were told not to mention the childbirth subject, as it is a sensitive one. They claim to be "trying," but reveal nothing else.
My question: Do we have the right to ask them specifically what measures, if any, they have taken to help nature along? Dare I tell them that we feel cheated at not having a grandchild? May we speak of adoption to them? I feel this is a family concern, not just their problem. -- WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA IN L.A.
DEAR WANTS: You would be a mile out of line to harp on your desire to be grandparents, and to pry into your son and daughter-in-law's personal lives. They have already told you the subject is a sensitive one. Listen to them, and for heaven's sake, keep your questions to yourselves!
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from Charles F. Yarham, who wrote about his pet peeve. The last line of his poem was, "Is when a kid is called a 'sibling.'"
The useful term "sibling" never gets me riled,
It's a sister or a brother, whether adult or child.
But what gets MY "goat" (and always did),
Is when a human child is called a "kid"!
-- MAGGIE RITCHEY, LOS ANGELES
P.S. Actually, Abby, the above is a fib. I quite often use the term "kid" inappropriately, but I couldn't resist!
DEAR MAGGIE:
'Tis a pity
Chuck Yarham's ditty
Within contained
The very thing his verse disdained.
DEAR ABBY:
There are words in English that irk us all,
From me you'll get no quibbling.
And the one that drives me up a wall
Is when a kid is called a "sibling."
-- RENEE IN ALABAMA
DEAR ABBY:
The only time that "sibling" irks
Is when the kid's a baby goat.
I say English is, with all its quirks,
The bestest language ever wrote!
-- MICHELLE LEE, LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: In response to Charles Yarham's poem:
When I read your little poem,
A gasp came from my throat.
"Siblings" are our kinfolk,
But a "kid" is just a goat!
-- JAMES WICKINSON, RICHMOND, VA.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Thank You Isn't Welcome to Perplexed Sender of Gift
DEAR ABBY: I recently sent a wedding gift to a relative and his new bride. I received a thank-you note that made no mention of what the gift was. Both my mother and sister received thank-you notes describing their gifts in detail. I'm wondering if what I got was the code for "we're exchanging it," or if the cards might have gotten mixed up or lost.
Abby, would it be OK to ask the relative's mother what happened? I don't want to sound as if I'm complaining about the poorly written thank-you notes. How do I ask without offending anyone? -- WONDERING IN WATERLOO
DEAR WONDERING: I doubt that the note you received was in "code." Most likely, the gift cards got mixed up or lost -- a very common occurrence. Do not ask your relative's mother. Instead, telephone the couple and say, "I was delighted to get your thank-you note, but I just had to ask: Did the towels match your decor?" That way you will clue them in about what you gave them, in case they don't know, and they will have the opportunity to be more specific in their thanks.
DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "Curious," whose friend Elaine had a nephew who snooped through her things when he came to visit, I had to write because I have the same problem. But what does one do when the snoop is one's own mother?
My sister and I live in small, one-bedroom apartments. When Mom comes from out of state to visit one of us, we relinquish our bedrooms to her so she can stay in comfort; therefore, short of sending her to a motel, it's impossible to put her in a location where she won't have access to personal items.
Numerous times we have caught her snooping through our dresser drawers, cabinets or closets. Apparently, she still feels she has the right to "inspect," even though my sister and I are both adults. She has even, on occasion, brought forth an item from one of her snooping expeditions to ask, "What is this?" or, "Where did you get this?" When confronted, she giggles as if she's embarrassed -- and then she repeats the question.
Additionally, Mom has a tremendous memory for any gift or other item she may have given us, even as long as 10 or 15 years ago. If she doesn't find a particular item she's given us, she confronts us about its whereabouts. She becomes terribly offended and pouts if it had to be discarded or if we just don't remember where it is. These confrontations occur on almost every visit.
My sister and I don't want to put a stop to Mom's visits -- after all, she is our mother, and we are her only family. However, we have begun to dread her visits. Any suggestions? -- PERPLEXED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR PERPLEXED: Unless you and your sister are prepared to form a united front and deal with your mother firmly, her behavior won't change. Granted she's your mother, but you are all adults, and such snooping is inexcusable. Tell her you consider it to be an invasion of your privacy.
When she quizzes you about an item you no longer have, tell her you gave it away because it was no longer needed. If she pouts, offer her right of first refusal, but don't allow her to make you feel guilty or uncomfortable.
As a last resort, you and your sister should consider pooling your money and putting your mother up at a nearby motel during her visits, and having her over only when you can supervise her.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)