What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Ex Boyfriend on Back Burner Would Like to Shut Off Flame
DEAR ABBY: About four years ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. The relationship didn't end on a happy note. Since then, she has gotten married and had a child. However, she continues to write to me two or three times a year.
She always asks me how I am and if I'm seeing anyone. I think this is a bit odd. I had always thought that when people got married, they moved on and relegated their old relationships to the back of their memories.
I always answer her letters very nicely, and I never ask why she continues to write.
Abby, now I'm wondering if you think she's trying to keep me on the back burner. Or do you think she just wants to be friends? -- MIKE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR MIKE: Writing to a former boyfriend three times a year seems a bit too often to me, and yes, I do think she's trying to keep you on the back burner. If her motives were strictly platonic, you wouldn't hear from her more than once a year.
Since the correspondence is making you uncomfortable, I suggest that you respond with little or no enthusiasm.
DEAR ABBY: I am 22 years old and the mother of a 3-year-old and a 10-month-old. I have a part-time job.
My husband, "Mike," was unemployed for six months, but he has finally gone back to work.
Abby, lately I have been feeling lazy. I want my house to be spic-and-span, but even though I know the work must be done, I'm not motivated. I'm tired of doing everything around the house. When Mike was unemployed, he did the cooking, but he doesn't do it anymore.
I get up at 5 a.m., make Mike's breakfast, pack him a lunch, wake the kids, change their diapers, dress and feed them, prepare their bottles, brush their teeth and get them ready for day care. Then I shower and dress. After that, I drive the kids to day care and Mike to work. He has no driver's license, so I am the family taxi driver. I'm so tired of driving and everything else. Could this be what is making me feel so lazy? I was never like this before.
I worry about the bills that haven't been paid and credit card balances I can't pay. Mike seems to love to spend money on things he wants but does not need. He doesn't put us first. He never asks if the kids need anything. He's concerned only with himself.
Talking to Mike doesn't help. He just says, "Don't worry about it." I worry enough for both of us, and sometimes I find myself daydreaming about our having lots of money so that we would have no problems.
Abby, what can I do about my laziness and feeling so down? -- YOUNG AND LAZY MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: A young mother with two small children and a part-time job has plenty to make her tired, but you show signs of more than fatigue. You appear to be experiencing symptoms of depression. Please consult your doctor as soon as possible, and describe your symptoms. Some professional counseling may be in order. Medication, if you have a chemical imbalance, and a few counseling sessions should help you resolve this and get you back on track.
Since cost is a factor, ask your doctor to refer you to low-cost counseling, or contact family services centers that charge according to your ability to pay.
Woman Learns Awful Truth: Good Friend Is Bad Roommate
DEAR ABBY: Is there a checklist of things to look for in a roommate? I need one.
After years of living alone, I was forced by economics and safety concerns to share a house with a friend of two years' standing. A kindergarten teacher who sings in the church choir and is devoted to her friends, "Donna" appeared to be the perfect roommate. That is, until I moved in.
Donna is a slob! She never washes a dish, empties a wastebasket or takes out the garbage. She leaves her shoes in the living room, uses the dining room table as her desk -- littered with paper, bills, hairbrush -- and has converted the den into her personal parlor. It's littered with dirty dishes and open food containers. We have one bath with a shower. Dirty clothes and wet towels cover the floor or are left in the shower.
In previous visits to her home, I'd always found it to be very neat. It turns out that her former roommate -- possibly as disgusted as I've become -- took it upon herself to clean up after Donna. I have neither the time nor the patience.
I'm looking for a new place to live. How can I protect myself from another roommate nightmare? -- DONNA'S SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE, NEW ORLEANS
DEAR SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE: Make it clear during the interview process that you're a "neat-nik" who is looking for a like-minded roommate. If you're placing an ad, mention it prominently in the ad. If you're using a search service, list neatness among your highest priorities.
If all else fails, try to locate Donna's ex-roommate. The two of you would be ideal for each other.
DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old son who has shown me the power of television.
Recently on a "Simpsons" cartoon, there was a segment about eating meat. In this segment, Lisa had a dream about a lamb who said to her, "Don't eat me, Lisa." Since that day, my son has not touched meat. I have tried everything I can think of. He tried to eat a lunchmeat sandwich one day, but he gagged on it. He said he keeps thinking about that show.
My son is a picky eater anyway and it's hard to please him. He eats lots of veggies, but it's hard to get him to eat enough fruit and proteins to be well nourished. (He loved meat before that show.)
Abby, what can I do to ensure that my son eats properly under these circumstances? -- LINDA IN HOWELL, MICH.
DEAR LINDA: Where there's a will, there's a way. Talk to your pediatrician about a vegetarian diet that will supply all of your son's nutritional needs, and then visit your bookstore. There are many vegetarian cookbooks on the market, many written with children's tastes in mind.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend expects me to wear a condom because she's scared of getting pregnant. Obviously, she's putting her own welfare before my sexual satisfaction. What kind of girlfriend does that? -- AUSSIE BOB
DEAR AUSSIE BOB: A SMART one!
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN'S EX-WIFE TOO CLOSE FOR FUTURE WIFE'S COMFORT
DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Gil," has an ex-wife I'll call Shirley, and an 11-year-old daughter. Shirley divorced Gil three years ago for another man.
She always goes out to Gil's car and makes small talk when he takes his daughter home from weekend visitations. Last Halloween, instead of waiting in the car, she came into my living room. This summer, Shirley dropped by Gil's family reunion briefly and brought him a gift to celebrate his recent baptism. She also calls my home regularly and asks for Gil.
In my opinion, when you divorce someone, that pretty much says you don't want to see the person again. I believe Shirley should also be divorced from the family. I want to start a new life with Gil, but somehow I keep running into this woman.
Abby, wouldn't it be good manners for Shirley to stay out of sight? -- KATHY IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
DEAR KATHY: Considering the circumstances of the divorce, I'm surprised that Shirley felt comfortable dropping by the family reunion. However, Gil will always have a tie to Shirley because of their daughter, so it's to everyone's advantage to maintain a friendly relationship. If you want a happy future with him, try harder to control your resentment and accept the fact that he has "baggage." Sometimes you have to take the bitter with the sweet.
DEAR ABBY: Is it a requirement of friendship to agree to assume certain responsibilities if something happens to your friend?
I live in a senior housing project. I do not have a pet and do not want the obligation of taking care of one. My friend has asked me twice if I would take care of her two cats if something should happen to her. My answer both times was that I would find good homes for them. My friend snapped back, "That's not good enough." I'm worried I'll lose her friendship over this, but Abby, I don't want her cats. By the way, she's in perfect health. I'm not -- I have allergies. -- CAT'S PAJAMAS
DEAR CAT'S PAJAMAS: Your offer to find your friend's cats a good home IS good enough. It is unreasonable for this woman to expect you to assume their care when you have expressed no interest in doing so. If you want to go the extra mile, try to find someone now who would be willing to take the cats should the need arise, and tell your friend you have a home lined up. Or offer to help her do the same.
DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column for many years. I'm a 73-year-old grandma of 10. I even have one great-grandchild.
At the end of your column today, it said, "Everybody has a problem ..." You know what? I don't! If I had to "get it off my chest," I'd be hard pressed to find a thing to complain about.
You get so many letters with so many problems, I thought you'd like to hear from someone who has none. I have no problem now and never had one that couldn't be solved with a little patience and sometimes a lot of hard work.
There are probably many more out there like me. You just don't hear from them, so I'm writing to make your day. Did I? -- BETTY SKOOG, McHENRY, ILL.
DEAR BETTY: Yes, you certainly did, and thank you for taking the time to write. If all my readers were like you, I'd be out of business!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)