DEAR ABBY: My son died recently after a long illness, and many mourners stepped past my husband to offer me condolences. It hurt my husband deeply. He's the only father my children have known for the last 11 years, but even his family felt that was my loss, not OURS.
Abby, my son and my husband were very close, especially near the end. I think my son felt he could confide his fears to his dad, but must be brave for Mom.
In a world where birth fathers are walking away from their responsibilities, stepdads, foster fathers and adoptive parents are stepping in to shoulder that responsibility. Even though their presence is often resented by the children, these dads continue to love and care for their new families.
Abby, please explain to your readers that even if they don't understand the dynamics of stepfamily relationships, the stepparent shares in the rearing of the child, including loving the child. Condolences or congratulations should be expressed to the stepparent as well as the birth parent.
Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings. -- GRIEVING MOTHER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR GRIEVING MOTHER: Perhaps the mourners didn't mean to be insensitive. I hope your letter will cause them (and others) to reconsider their assumptions about stepparents who do, indeed, deserve more sympathy than your husband received in his time of sorrow.