DEAR ABBY: I've had it with my mother-in-law, who has come to live with us. I recall that some time ago, you printed a letter from a woman who had also been made miserable by her widowed mother who had come to live with her. The writer said she had come up with some rules for herself, which she would observe if she ever found herself having to live with her children.
Abby, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would need those rules, but times have changed. Will you please reprint it? -- HAD IT IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR HAD IT: Certainly. That letter is timeless:
DEAR ABBY: Years ago, when my widowed mother came to live with my husband and me, she made our lives so miserable that I determined that I would never bring such misery to my children if I ever had to live with them.
One day I sat down and wrote myself a letter. In it were some pertinent rules, and on the outside of the envelope I wrote, "To be opened on the day I go to live with my daughter, heaven forbid." I tucked it away in an old book and forgot about it.
I've been widowed and self-sufficient for six years, but I was recently forced to give up my job and go live with my oldest daughter. I've opened that letter, and I think your older readers might benefit from it, as I intend to.
The rules are as follows:
-- Give what you can toward your keep. Any budget will stretch just so far.
-- Keep yourself clean and neat.
-- Remember, it is their home. Be especially considerate of him. He allowed her to bring you here.
-- Give them privacy at every opportunity.
-- If they want to go away on a vacation but are hesitant because of you, offer to visit another relative or friend so they can be free to go.
-- Don't offer any advice or express any opinions unless asked.
-- Volunteer information that they might be too embarrassed to ask for, such as arrangements for your burial, hospitalization, etc.
These rules were written more than 20 years ago. I read them often and am determined to keep them. -- WIDOW X