DEAR ABBY: You advised "Feeling Guilty in the Desert" to allow her mother to live with her temporarily if the mother and father separate. Well, let me tell you why that is NOT good advice. How do I know? I'm speaking from personal experience.
I owned my own home and was still unmarried when I foolishly allowed my mother to live with me. She stuck like a leech and insulted every man I dated. I had to fight for every idea I wanted to implement in my own home. It was a miserable fight all the way.
Mom worked and was capable of having her own home, but she was terrified of living alone. Finally, in desperation, I sent all her belongings to my brother's home while she was visiting him. I caught hell from him and his family because they knew it wouldn't work for our mother to live with them. She begged to come back to my home, saying it would be temporary, only until she could find a place of her own.
I weakened and allowed her to return. She lived with me and made my life pure hell until the day she died.
Abby, please retract your advice to "Feeling Guilty." Encourage her to stick to her guns and not allow her mother to take advantage of her. -- LEARNED THE HARD WAY
P.S. I married AFTER Mother died, not before.
DEAR LEARNED: Your letter was one of many warning against allowing a manipulative parent to get a foot in the door. However, I stand by my advice because the daughter had lived in her mother's home until age 29. That means her mother provided for her long past the time when most adults should be self-sufficient. I think she owes her mother at least temporary shelter. And may I emphasize, I advised TEMPORARY shelter, not a permanent home.
After a reasonable period of time during which her parents could resolve their marital problems, it would then be appropriate for the daughter to give her mother her walking papers. It may be difficult, but it is possible to evict an individual, even if she is a parent.