Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Philanderer's Wife Discovers What Everyone Already Knew
DEAR ABBY: I must disagree with your response to "Trying to Forget," the woman who had slept with the husband of a co-worker at her new job. You told her to forget it and treat "Bill" as though she had never seen him.
My husband of nine years had an affair, and we are now divorcing. As it turns out, he was sleeping with an ex-girlfriend while we were engaged and living together 10 years. He also had a couple of other affairs I recently found out about, and I hear he's sleeping around on the woman he's been having the affair with for two years.
The sad thing is that employees of his, friends and acquaintances say he always was a womanizer. I wish someone had clued me in long ago that my husband couldn't be trusted. We have a 5-year-old daughter who is devastated her daddy left, and I had to be tested for STDs and HIV. Because my husband didn't use protection, I may have been exposed to a multitude of diseases.
I'm not sure how it should be done, but this wife needs to know what her husband has been up to, since "Trying to Forget" probably wasn't his only affair.
By the way, I wish I'd listened to you 12 years ago, when I wrote you that my boyfriend liked to go out without me. You told me to leave him. Unfortunately, that's the guy I married and am now divorcing. I guess I had to find out the hard way -- once a playboy, always a playboy. -- NO LONGER CLUELESS, OLYMPIA, WASH.
DEAR NO LONGER CLUELESS: "Trying to Forget" asked me how she could co-exist in a working environment with "Bill's" wife -- and I can think of few things less conducive to a professional relationship than for one colleague to tell another that she's slept with her cheating husband. Her motives could be misunderstood, and the woman might think it was an attempt to break up the marriage.
As to your own womanizing husband, don't beat yourself up about what you "should" have done 12 years ago. Be grateful that you finally came to your senses and did what you had to do. Some people NEVER learn.
DEAR ABBY: I have a request for "Snapping Away in Greer, S.C.," who always serves as the photo historian for get-togethers. Please stop taking my picture when I specifically ask you not to. You often ignore my request and snap away anyway. I am not being shy; I genuinely don't want my picture taken.
It is beyond my comprehension how these individuals can be so rude and disrespectful of one's wish for privacy. -- WANT MY PRIVACY IN PHOENIX
DEAR WANT MY PRIVACY: It is all too frequently forgotten that respecting the wishes of others is a social grace. When individuals request that their picture not be taken, photographers should resist the urge to pursue it. They should look elsewhere -- they'll soon find a "ham" and then both can both enjoy the camera.
READERS, PONDER THIS: "All great things are decided not by machines or gadgets, but by willpower. Whoever has it will finally prevail." -- WINSTON CHURCHILL
Plenty of Help Is Available to Assist Learning Disabled
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Loves Him and Wants to Help," whose intelligent, learning-disabled boyfriend needs assistance in reading and writing skills.
Please let "Loves Him" and all your other readers know about Literacy Volunteers of America Inc. This is a fabulous organization that trains volunteers -- ordinary, workaday men and women, not necessarily teachers by profession -- to give reading and writing instruction to adults. (LVA also provides instruction in English as a second language.) All instruction is absolutely FREE. LVA students from both programs have gone on to college, if that is their goal.
Also, please encourage everyone who is blessed with the gift of literacy to consider becoming a volunteer tutor. The training, like the classes, is also free of charge -- and the rewards for enriching another person's life are priceless.
I found Literacy Volunteers of America Inc. in the white pages of my local phone book. -- KATHLEEN TROOST, PORTSMOUTH, R.I.
DEAR KATHLEEN: Thank you for offering a valuable suggestion. I had no idea that so much help was available for people who are learning-disabled. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Your reader "Loves Him ..." may find the use of recorded textbooks the answer to her boyfriend's learning difficulties.
For half a century, recorded textbooks from Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic (RFB&D) have helped to make educational success possible for tens of thousands of students with visual, perceptual or other physical disabilities. The largest resource of its kind in the world, RFB&D's more than 77,000-volume library of audio and computerized textbooks ensures all students have access to the printed word.
Whether it's sixth-grade history, high school math or college chemistry, our recorded textbooks give our members an opportunity to get the same information as people without print disabilities. Last year, RFB&D began an outreach program to schools to help teachers, students and parents better understand how to use taped textbooks. We now have 2,452 schools enrolled in our Annual Institutional Membership program, and the number is rapidly growing. We expect to double that number by the year 2000.
Our recorded books are available at no charge. The cost to become a member includes a $50 application fee and a $25 annual membership. RFB&D is a national, nonprofit volunteer organization, headquartered in Princeton, N.J. For more information about our services, call (800) 803-7201. -- RITCHIE GEISEL, PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
DEAR RITCHIE: Although I have known about books-on-tape for the blind, I was unaware that they could also be made available to people with learning disabilities. Thank you for informing my readers and me. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Loves Him and Wants to Help" to put her boyfriend in contact with the International Dyslexia Association (formerly the Orton Dyslexia Society). He can be put in touch with adult programs or tutors who are trained to address his individual learning disability. The Web site address is: www.interdys.org.
Dyslexia affects about 15 percent of our population, and we need to get the information out that these people need a specific teaching program. -- MARTHA MORGAN, TUTOR, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR MARTHA: Here's your letter. Those who do not have computers or who do not subscribe to an Internet provider should call (toll-free) (800) 222-3123 to leave a message or obtain a local number for the International Dyslexia Association, Monday-Friday, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. EST.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Dogs or Kids in Closed Cars May Lead to Summer Disaster
DEAR ABBY: Recently on a very hot day, I saw two dogs left in parked cars with the windows up. It's that time of year when people need to be reminded never to leave pets or children alone in vehicles. It could be deadly.
When riding in an air-conditioned vehicle, it's easy to forget how quickly the temperature rises once the vehicle is turned off and sitting in the sun. Even on a comfortable day, the temperature climbs quickly and becomes a hazard in only a few minutes. A quick trip to the store could be fatal.
Also, I would like to remind people that animals need shade. Doghouses in the sun do not provide the shelter pets require. It can be hotter inside the doghouse than outside. What a difference could be made by simply placing the doghouse under a shady tree. And please, provide plenty of cool, fresh water and food in clean bowls that cannot be easily tipped over. Remember, a metal bowl conducts heat and cold.
Animals have feelings just like people. Please have a little compassion, and don't keep a dog tied up in the yard day in and day out without giving it some attention.
Please be on the lookout for helpless animals that are left in these situations, and notify the owners or the proper authorities. These animals cannot defend themselves. Their lives and well-being depend on YOU.
A final thought: Please neuter or spay your cats and dogs. Neutered animals make better pets, and this would alleviate the tragedy of thousands of unwanted animals who die each year. -- AN ANIMAL LOVER, FREDERICKTOWN, OHIO
DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: Many readers will appreciate your timely reminder that pets, as well as children, are vulnerable to the heat of summer. Neither should be left unsupervised in a locked vehicle, even for a few minutes. To do so would invite tragedy.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 71 years old and feel good, but I follow the same routine every day.
Abby, I arise between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. every morning, read the newspaper, do the crossword and Jumbleword, watch soap operas for an hour and a half, and then go to bingo.
I have a male companion living with me who works several days a week. Even when he is off work, he tells me to go ahead and go to bingo because he knows I like it. He's very good to me and gives me his whole paycheck.
Abby, I look forward to bingo and consider it socializing, but I am stuck in a rut. I wonder why I'm so regimented. Is this normal? I think I should sign this ... BINGO ADDICT
DEAR BINGO: Bingo! Your signature says it all: I suspect that what you are hooked on is the rush you get from gambling. However, since you're hurting neither yourself nor your companion, I wouldn't classify this as a "problem."
If you like, test yourself for addiction. Make plans with your companion or a friend to go to the movies on a bingo afternoon and see if you are able to carry through with your plans. If you can't resist canceling in favor of bingo, you may be bingo-compulsive, but not necessarily a problem addict.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)