To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, Amy Locicero Federici, was the sixth victim of the Long Island Railroad Massacre of Dec. 7, 1993.
Abby, we all suffer when a loved one is taken. We are never the same again. The murder of my daughter changed my life and that of every member of our family.
A dear friend of mine, Marie Patella, who, like myself, is a teacher, wrote the protest against guns that I'm sending you. I hope that you will print it. -- ARLENE J. LOCICERO, AMY'S MOM, HAWTHORNE, N.J.
DEAR ARLENE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic death of your daughter Amy. The essay your friend wrote is chilling, dramatic, and carries a message that needs to be heard. I'm pleased to share it:
I am a gun victim.
I have never been shot. Or shot at.
I have not had a spouse, child, parent or sibling shot.
But I am a gun victim.
Were you ever with a mother when she received word that her child had been shot on a train? I was.
Five years later, can you still hear that mother's scream? I can.
Did you ever race 40 miles to a hospital with parents whose child was dying from a gunshot wound? I did.
Each time you come upon a scene where the news was received, does your mind bring it all back? Mine does.
Did you ever watch a mother caress the fingers and lovely black curls of her dying child? I did.
If this same mother were your beloved friend, would you have felt your heart break? I did.
Did you ever spend five days gazing at the beautiful dying child who once brought a daily smile and an understanding heart to your classroom? I did.
Can you imagine how it would feel to make a presentation to the teachers at the school where you and your dear friend teach, informing them of what is happening at that hospital 40 miles away? I can.
Do you know anyone who buried a sobbing face in her hands in the podium because she couldn't make it through the staff presentations? I do.
Do you know how she felt when, after a 30-second eternity, she lifted her head once again -- only to be greeted by 50 wet faces? I do.
Do you ever ride in a car with your beloved friend and pretend you don't hear her cry when a train passes by? I do.
Do you ever need to hold your friend because bad days bring sobs? I do.
Does the smiling photograph of a murdered dear one greet you each day? It does me.
Will your dreams always be haunted by the events of a week in December, 1993? Mine will.
Because I am a gun victim.
Adults as Well as Kids Must Learn to Wash Their Hands
DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column for years, and must say I enjoy them. In the past, you have written about people using the bathroom and not washing their hands. Some people I have seen will rinse their hands, but don't use any soap. Don't they know that water alone won't kill germs?
People should teach their children to wash their hands with soap. You don't have to have a college degree to know how to be careful. Won't you please print that item again, Abby? Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. -- SOUTH CAROLINA NATIVE
DEAR SOUTH CAROLINA: Here it is:
DEAR ABBY: People come to you with every conceivable problem, so I'm encouraged to present one that's so touchy I've never seen it mentioned in your column.
How do you get people to wash their hands after using the bathroom? In our home, the bathroom is right off the kitchen, and when the water is turned on, it can be heard in the next room. Guests have gone into our bathroom, used the toilet (I can hear the toilet being flushed), and then come out without having turned on the faucet, so I know they haven't washed their hands. Then after supper, they offer to help me dry the dishes! (I always say, "No, thank you!"). There's no telling what kind of infection could be transferred to my dishes from those unwashed hands.
Worse yet, where I work there's a cafeteria, and I've seen some cafeteria employees walk out of a bathroom stall and go straight out to serve the people without having washed their hands. Some of them even wipe and dry the dishes as they come out of the dishwasher. Can you imagine the disease risks a diner faces when he uses these "freshly washed" dishes?
Abby, please explain how dangerous this is. If you print this, I promise to frame it and hang it above our toilet. -- PLEASE WASH IN WINONA, MINN.
DEAR PLEASE: I cannot stress too emphatically how important this one specific area of hygiene is to good general health. Children should be taught to wash their hands with soap after using the bathroom and adults should have made it a lifelong habit.
The Mayo Clinic, the medical mecca of the world, has sponsored "Infection Awareness Week" programs. As part of its campaign, prominently displayed along the corridors of the Mayo hospital complex were posters showing a pair of hands under this terse message: "The 10 Most Common Causes of Infection."
To remind doctors, nurses and employees of the Mayo Clinic to wash their hands frequently were other posters bearing this catchy message: "A milligram of hand washing is worth a kilogram of antibiotics."
One final no-no on this subject: One must never use a napkin from the table as a handkerchief and then carelessly allow it to be mixed with other napkins on the table. Quite often a careless waiter or bus person will use soiled napkins to wipe off the table. This is almost as unforgivable as the aforementioned dirty toilet habits. The solution is to use a napkin as a napkin and a handkerchief as a handkerchief, and be certain that each is deposited in its proper place after it is used.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Girl Has Message for Other Teens: Bigger Is Not Bad
DEAR ABBY: Everyone has heard about teen-age girls who think they're fat when they're not. I'm 13 years old and a little overweight, but I try not to think about it all the time. I know lots of girls who do, and many of them are slim, healthy and attractive. Parents and teachers try to tell girls that size doesn't matter, but most teens think it does.
Magazines, television and even our peers recognize only thin people as being beautiful, so how can you blame girls for wanting to be thin? I'd like to give some advice, especially to other teen-agers.
Girls, if you are with someone who is heavier than you or uncomfortable with her body, don't complain about your own. It will only make them feel worse. Believe me, I should know -- I have been hurt many times by behavior like this.
Guys, let a girl know she doesn't have to have a perfect body or look like a model for you to like her. One reason a lot of girls go on diets is so that guys will notice them.
Everyone: Compliment others. Make them feel loved, accepted and beautiful. Focus on people's good points, not their flaws. Not only will this make them feel good, it will make you glad to know you have made somebody's day a little brighter. -- BEEN HURT BEFORE IN MINNESOTA
DEAR HURT: Excellent advice! It is unfortunate that someone who is as thoughtful and caring as you has been hurt by the thoughtlessness of others. The insight you possess will take you far. I hope those around you conduct themselves by your example.
DEAR ABBY: I am one of those abused husbands who took your advice and moved out 18 months ago. Fortunately, I had the means to have my own place. I am a healthy, retired professional. My wife is also a retired professional with strong willpower. I was a widower (married 35 years with three children); she, a divorcee of about 12 years with a college-age daughter. We were associates at work who had known each other about 25 years.
We started out great and had some great times, but she has a violent temper. She resorted to extremely abusive language, coupled at times with physical attacks. Abby, I never struck back.
My departure was occasioned when, nine days after I returned home from a hospital following a painful knee replacement, she attacked me physically and verbally and told me to leave. At the time, I could barely walk. With the help of my son-in-law, I found a place and moved out.
I presented my wife with a separation agreement which she ignored. She has hinted several times that we should live together for financial reasons. I say that is a poor reason to maintain a relationship.
After about seven months, I filed for divorce. She has responded quite greedily and is trying to wipe me out financially. Yes, Abby, we had a prenuptial agreement, but a lot can be acquired in 11 years together. So now we're gearing up for a complicated and expensive trial.
Nevertheless, I am happy to be out of that relationship. My family is also happy for me. My daughter, her family and my sister can visit me anytime they want. My son is visiting me again. There is no tension now.
So, Abby, I want to tell you that I heartily agree with your advice to abused husbands: "Get out. It may be tough at first, but you'll adapt." -- FREE IN FLORIDA
DEAR FREE: Thank you for the firsthand testimonial. Divorce is never easy, and it can be costly -- but in your case, I'd say it's the better option. Enjoy your freedom; you've earned it.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)