DEAR ABBY: I am one of those abused husbands who took your advice and moved out 18 months ago. Fortunately, I had the means to have my own place. I am a healthy, retired professional. My wife is also a retired professional with strong willpower. I was a widower (married 35 years with three children); she, a divorcee of about 12 years with a college-age daughter. We were associates at work who had known each other about 25 years.
We started out great and had some great times, but she has a violent temper. She resorted to extremely abusive language, coupled at times with physical attacks. Abby, I never struck back.
My departure was occasioned when, nine days after I returned home from a hospital following a painful knee replacement, she attacked me physically and verbally and told me to leave. At the time, I could barely walk. With the help of my son-in-law, I found a place and moved out.
I presented my wife with a separation agreement which she ignored. She has hinted several times that we should live together for financial reasons. I say that is a poor reason to maintain a relationship.
After about seven months, I filed for divorce. She has responded quite greedily and is trying to wipe me out financially. Yes, Abby, we had a prenuptial agreement, but a lot can be acquired in 11 years together. So now we're gearing up for a complicated and expensive trial.
Nevertheless, I am happy to be out of that relationship. My family is also happy for me. My daughter, her family and my sister can visit me anytime they want. My son is visiting me again. There is no tension now.
So, Abby, I want to tell you that I heartily agree with your advice to abused husbands: "Get out. It may be tough at first, but you'll adapt." -- FREE IN FLORIDA
DEAR FREE: Thank you for the firsthand testimonial. Divorce is never easy, and it can be costly -- but in your case, I'd say it's the better option. Enjoy your freedom; you've earned it.