For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em Is Hunting Wife's Motto
DEAR ABBY: I never laughed so hard as I did when I read about "Gwen" in the letter from "Turkeyless in Arkansas." I like that girl! I'm sure there are a lot of "hunting widows" out there who would love to have done the same thing (yell, "Run, turkey, run!")
My response to Gwen: You can do one of two things if your man decides to confront you about your "insensitivity" to his hunting:
1. "RUN, GWEN, RUN!" You will always be second to his hunting. It may be the turkey season now, but next on the list will be deer, bear, elk, moose, rabbit, squirrel, pheasant, duck, etc. If you should marry this guy, expect to wake up alone from late October to early April.
So, if snuggling in the morning is what you like to do, get a teddy bear. Don't make any plans without asking his schedule because morning isn't the only time they go hunting; late afternoons are popular, too. If dinners and movies are what you enjoy on Saturday evenings, take a girlfriend instead. And be sure to keep his "If I Go Hunting One More Time My Wife Is Going to Leave Me ... God, I'm Gonna Miss Her" T-shirt handy at all times. Or, you could:
2. JOIN HIM AND HAVE FUN! That is what I finally did after four years of griping and nagging. When I did, I got the opening-day prize -- a 10-inch bearded gobbler! My husband and I have fun hunting together, although I don't go all the time. It taught me to respect his favorite sport, his hunting buddies and him more!
My suggestion to "Turkeyless in Arkansas" is: If you care enough about Gwen, don't try to force her to love what you do. Has she considered ditching you because you break out in hives whenever she asks you to accompany her to the mall? If you dump her, watch out! Your friend, who has a much better sense of humor than you, may snatch her up, and next year you'll be hunting alone. -- TALKING TURKEY IN FLORIDA
DEAR TALKING TURKEY: I'm printing your letter in the hope that Gwen will spot it. As a hunter's wife, you have laid on the line what she should expect if she marries her boyfriend.
The comments about "Turkeyless in Arkansas" continue unabated. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Turkeyless in Arkansas." Abby, just because this couple are not birds of a feather doesn't mean they can't enjoy a beautiful nest together. There is nothing written that says you must enjoy the other's hobby. In fact, I personally recommend that each have his or her own personal interests -- it makes for more interesting individuals, who in turn enhance each other as a couple.
I'll bet "Turkeyless" would not want to take a special cooking class, but would like his turkey cooked to perfection. According to him, Gwen can cook and she looks good. She can pamper herself while he hunts, and then they can have a wonderful meal together while he feasts his eyes on her.
My husband loves tinkering with his old sprint and midget race cars. I sit in a rocking chair in my special corner of his workshop and do needlework, and we can still share time and conversation. Once in a while I will hand him a tool; occasionally he gives me an opininon on combining colors. Sometimes I accompany him to a vintage auto swap meet, and once in a while he will walk through a quilt display at a fair with me.
Relationships are give-and-take. Both must give and both must take. -- MARRIED TO VROOM-VROOM, SANTA ANA, CALIF.
DEAR MARRIED: Yours sounds like a model marriage. Happy companions make the best mates.
Frequent Flier Miles Can Help Make Kids' Dreams Come True
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have seen the world. We're getting on in years and find it increasingly difficult to walk long distances, so we decided to stop flying to other countries.
I was concerned about what to do with our accumulated frequent-flier miles when a friend mentioned the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We donated our miles to it, and the foundation granted a young boy with cancer his wish to visit Disneyland.
Abby, many people allow their miles to expire and go to waste. My wife and I have donated more than 60,000 miles to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We feel great knowing we have helped to grant the wishes of special children. -- SID FISHER, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.
DEAR SID: Bless you for your far-reaching generosity. The Make-A-Wish Foundation is dedicated to granting the wishes of children with life-threatening illnesses. The airline frequent-flier program benefiting the foundation currently encompasses five major airlines and helps to provide tickets for children whose wishes involve travel.
Readers, if you would like to donate your frequent-flier miles to this worthy cause, call the airline that issued the miles, or visit the Make-A-Wish Foundation Web site at www.wish.org.
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem that's eating at me. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. I am 31 and he is 30. During the last year and a half, we have lived in a house we own together.
My problem: I want to get married, and he says he's scared, confused and doesn't want to end up divorced. I am divorced and have three children. He has never been married and has no children.
He treats me wonderfully and I really don't want to lose him. But marriage is important to me. I love him and he says he loves me -- but I'd like it to be HIS desire to marry me.
Should I give him an ultimatum? -- WANTS TO BE WED
DEAR WANTS: I don't blame you for wanting to be legitimately married. However, you would be making a big mistake to give him an ultimatum. A good rule to follow: Never give anyone an ultimatum unless you are prepared to lose.
DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a poem about there being so much bad in the best of us and good in the worst of us that people shouldn't gossip. You listed the author as "unknown."
I was born in 1919, and hanging in my mother's house since I was a child was a Victorian sketch showing a prone woman and a devil. Written on the sketch was the following:
"There is so much Devil in the best of us
"And so much Angel in the worst of us
"That it doesn't become any of us
"To say much about the rest of us."
In the corner of the picture is "Copyright 1904 by W.S. Childs." I thought you would be interested. -- M.N. REED, THEODORE, ALA.
DEAR M.N.: Thank you for providing the name of the author. Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote another version:
"There are just two kinds of people on earth today,
"Just two kinds of people, no more, I say;
"Not the good and the bad, for 'tis well understood
"That the good are half bad and the bad are half good.
"No! The two kinds of people on earth I mean
"Are the people who lift and the people who lean."
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN AND THIS TEEN MOTHER CAN'T
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old, and like any other teen-ager I like to laugh, play, study, party and be carefree. There is one part of my life, however, that makes me very different from other girls my age. I became a mother at age 16. I made a bad decision to have sex too young, without thinking of the consequences.
Tonight as I write this, I am missing the party of the year because I can't afford a baby sitter, not to mention a new dress. I am also a year behind in school and on home studies. I thought my boyfriend loved me, but my baby boy is almost 2, and I haven't seen his father since I told him I was pregnant.
I own two pairs of pants and three shirts, and my shoes are off the bargain table at the discount store because the baby's needs are expensive and constant. For those of you who think having a baby will turn you into a "free" adult, it won't. Here's what you get to do:
1. Wake up for a 2 a.m. feeding. (For months, I didn't have more than five hours sleep a night.)
2. Wake out of a sound sleep to care for a sick or frightened baby when you can't even think straight yourself.
3. Lug a diaper bag, baby stroller and irritable baby everywhere you go.
4. Never have a penny to spend on cute new clothes or makeup.
5. Lose your friends and disappoint your family.
I am begging all teen-agers to think twice before having sex. See the world first. Go to college. Above all, enjoy your teen years. The opposite sex will always be there, but you can be a teen-ager only once. -- TEEN MOM WITH A MESSAGE
DEAR TEEN MOM: You present a powerful case from a perspective only a teen-age mother could have. I hope your letter reaches other young people who need to hear it like it really is. Bless you for writing.
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Stella," and I have just returned to the United States after having lived abroad for 15 years. She and I come from very different backgrounds. I have only one living relative. Stella, on the other hand, comes from a large extended family of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, assorted cousins and grandparents. Family gatherings, especially around the holidays, are large, festive and noisy.
Here is my dilemma: I am asthmatic and allergic to cigarette smoke in any form, even on people's clothing. Needless to say, I try to avoid it as much as possible and don't go out to eat very often, unless there is no smoking at all in the establishment. Neither Stella nor I smoke, nor do our sons. However, Stella's sister and her husband (as well as other family members) are heavy smokers. Her sister's daughter is also slightly asthmatic and has other respiratory problems. While I, as an adult, can avoid this smoke, the child can't.
My closest friends and associates know about my health concerns and are very considerate of me, and the ones who smoke refrain from doing so in my presence. The few times that we have visited my sister-in-law, everyone smokes around me. Stella has mentioned my condition to her family many times, yet no one seems to care or understand how this affects my health.
Now I am faced with two choices -- avoiding these people and creating tension among my wife's family, or jeopardizing my health. Recently, Stella's family has been asking her why we have been avoiding them. How can we best handle this without hurting feelings and alienating family members? -- SMOKE GETS IN MY EYES (AND LUNGS)
DEAR SMOKE: Why not tell them the truth?
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)