DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your response to "Confused About Control." You may have overlooked a few key phrases in "Confused's" letter. This man has described warning signs of spousal abuse. His wife is definitely attempting to control him -- and the issue must be addressed quickly before the problem becomes intolerable.
Key to this conclusion: His wife, "Anne," must approve his clothing purchases. Abby, who is purchasing the clothing, and who will be wearing it? Anne is not making suggestions; she throws hissy fits if he doesn't go along with her. This is clearly intimidation, a major characteristic of spouse abuse, which is quite different from simply expressing dislike for some articles of clothing.
She has already begun to complain about his eating habits, his cologne, his job and his bald spot. Anne wants exclusive choice in what he wears, and more, and "Confused" gives in to avoid his wife's tantrums. Next she will be dictating whom he can see, where and when he can go out, when he can use the telephone and whom he can call. This will include his family. And she'll demand he tell her everything he says and does when they are not together.
Abby, please rethink your answer to this man and strongly suggest that he get some help before he becomes a prisoner in his own home. -- KATHRYN L. MARTIN, COUNSELOR, BREMERTON, WASH.
DEAR KATHRYN: Thank you for caring enough to share your professional expertise. I am printing your letter so that "Confused About Control," and other men who find themselves similarly dominated, will recognize the danger and seek help.