Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Frequent Flier Miles Can Help Make Kids' Dreams Come True

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem that's eating at me. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. I am 31 and he is 30. During the last year and a half, we have lived in a house we own together.

My problem: I want to get married, and he says he's scared, confused and doesn't want to end up divorced. I am divorced and have three children. He has never been married and has no children.

He treats me wonderfully and I really don't want to lose him. But marriage is important to me. I love him and he says he loves me -- but I'd like it to be HIS desire to marry me.

Should I give him an ultimatum? -- WANTS TO BE WED

DEAR WANTS: I don't blame you for wanting to be legitimately married. However, you would be making a big mistake to give him an ultimatum. A good rule to follow: Never give anyone an ultimatum unless you are prepared to lose.