DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Stella," and I have just returned to the United States after having lived abroad for 15 years. She and I come from very different backgrounds. I have only one living relative. Stella, on the other hand, comes from a large extended family of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, assorted cousins and grandparents. Family gatherings, especially around the holidays, are large, festive and noisy.
Here is my dilemma: I am asthmatic and allergic to cigarette smoke in any form, even on people's clothing. Needless to say, I try to avoid it as much as possible and don't go out to eat very often, unless there is no smoking at all in the establishment. Neither Stella nor I smoke, nor do our sons. However, Stella's sister and her husband (as well as other family members) are heavy smokers. Her sister's daughter is also slightly asthmatic and has other respiratory problems. While I, as an adult, can avoid this smoke, the child can't.
My closest friends and associates know about my health concerns and are very considerate of me, and the ones who smoke refrain from doing so in my presence. The few times that we have visited my sister-in-law, everyone smokes around me. Stella has mentioned my condition to her family many times, yet no one seems to care or understand how this affects my health.
Now I am faced with two choices -- avoiding these people and creating tension among my wife's family, or jeopardizing my health. Recently, Stella's family has been asking her why we have been avoiding them. How can we best handle this without hurting feelings and alienating family members? -- SMOKE GETS IN MY EYES (AND LUNGS)
DEAR SMOKE: Why not tell them the truth?