Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Volunteer Teens Give Seniors Their Gifts of Talent and Time
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter urging people to volunteer in nursing homes. I am 14 years old and an eighth-grader at St. Agnes School in Concord, Calif. Not only can adults volunteer, but teen-agers can also volunteer and bring smiles to senior citizens. I would like to share my experience at our local nursing home.
When I was elected president of the Student Council, one of my goals was to establish an Adopt-a-Senior Program at my school. This would consist of students sharing their time and talents with the elderly. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others.
During the summer, the vice president of the student body and I visited a number of nursing homes. These nursing homes were interested because a project like this had never been done on a long-term basis. When permission slips went home with students, the response was overwhelming: 28 eighth-graders signed up to participate. As a result, we adopted 14 seniors -- two students per senior.
The initial visit with the seniors was special and memorable. Each of us brought a small gift to share with them. We sang songs to break the ice, and soon some of the seniors joined in! We all became friends quickly and formed special bonds.
We now visit the seniors twice a month. During our visits, we sing songs, play bingo, present magic shows and perform skits. Some of the seniors even dance the "Hokey Pokey" with us! One of them told us that we made life worth living. The number of seniors joining our program grows with every visit. At our last visit, we had more than 30 seniors.
For major holidays, such as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, the St. Agnes students made decorations for the seniors at the home -- 172 in all. A few eighth-graders delivered the decorations room to room. The residents were happy to see us, and many of them invited us into their rooms to chat. During our Easter delivery, we saw many of the Halloween decorations still hanging on their walls! It has been a heartwarming experience to see how appreciative these seniors are.
Abby, these patients have found a special place in our hearts. The first time we visited, they all looked the same to us; however, now we know each one by his or her name -- not as a "group." Many of them have a great sense of humor. We'll always remember the lessons they have taught us.
Please share this letter with "Grieving in Orange, Texas" so she will know that we understand how she feels. Someday we will all grow old and become dependent on others. -- KELLY A. McQUIRK, CONCORD, CALIF.
DEAR KELLY: Congratulations for conceiving such a worthwhile project. The other eighth-graders also deserve credit for helping you to accomplish your goal.
I know that "Grieving" will be pleased to see your letter, and I hope it will spur other teen-agers into action.
DEAR ABBY: I must share this supermarket story with you:
While waiting in the checkout line at a busy supermarket, I noticed that an older man was standing behind me with very few items in his basket. I asked him if he would like to go ahead of me.
"Honey," he replied, "if I were in a hurry, I would have come up here yesterday!" What a pleasant attitude. It made my day. -- MRS. J.F.K., ORANGE, CALIF.
DEAR MRS. J.F.K.: If more people echoed those sentiments, we would have less road rage and a healthier society.
Displays of Male Affection May Not Be What They Seem
DEAR ABBY: I have a gripe to air, and I hope you will consider printing it.
A few times a year, my adult son is allowed to visit me from his residence in a group home for the mentally disabled in another state. Despite his severe handicap, "John" is a well-behaved and loving son, of whom I am quite proud. Therein lies the problem.
When we are walking together in public, John will often grab my hand, as he did when he was a child, innocently unaware of the social taboos against such behavior.
Many times I have had to endure stares, snickers or outright insults from strangers who apparently interpret this hand-holding as homosexual bonding.
The emotional trauma of our separation due to divorce, distance and his institutionalization is enough pain for both of us. I don't want to forcibly remove my hand from my son's simply to avoid the mistaken notions of thoughtless people who have no idea what it means to suffer a cognitive disability.
Perhaps if there are any such judgmental souls among your legion of readers, they will think twice the next time they see two grown men holding hands in public. -- OHIO FATHER
DEAR FATHER: People who stare, snicker or insult strangers in public are hardly the kind of individuals who should be judging anyone else's behavior.
I hope they recognize themselves in your letter and, as you said, think twice before assuming anything and expressing any form of disapproval. People should never judge another until they have been down the same path.
DEAR ABBY: I have read, viewed and heard all that I can stand about nursing homes.
Your recent article, in which "Grieving in Orange, Texas" wrote about visiting nursing homes and the need for volunteers, angered me to the point of writing this letter. The writer states that she heard the residents crying out for their family members by name all night.
I have been in the nursing home business for years. For six of those years, I worked for Iowa's largest nursing home chain. I have visited many nursing homes statewide and never once experienced what this lady is talking about. Most nursing homes have staffs with hearts bigger than Texas. They, in a sense, become like family to the residents and the residents' families. The staffs care so much that they are usually with the residents at the time of death if no family is available.
Bottom line is that I'm tired of picking up the paper or turning on TV and hearing something negative about nursing homes. We care. We really do. Give us a break.
If you're looking for a good story, come to my nursing home. I will show you a dedicated staff and a nursing home full of satisfied residents. I know there are lots of homes around just like it. -- MICHELLE PALMER, R.N., ADMINISTRATOR, LENOX CARE CENTER, LENOX, IOWA
DEAR MICHELLE: Well said. Your letter deserves space in this column, so here it is!
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
From All Across This Country Comes Happy Chorus of Meows
DEAR ABBY: The results are in -- and everyone's a winner! During the North Shore Animal League's fourth annual Pet Adoptathon, nearly 21,000 dogs, cats, puppies and kittens were placed into loving, permanent homes. That means thousands of once-orphaned animals have received a new gift of life -- and thousands of caring adopters will forever know the joy and companionship that a pet can bring.
Abby, we couldn't have done it without you. The letter you printed in your column on April 28 from league president John Stevenson inspired thousands of animal lovers to call the Pet Adoptathon hotline for the name of their nearest shelter. Extra volunteers had to be called in because the phones never stopped ringing! It goes without saying that untold numbers of those callers visited their nearest shelter and found a friend for life.
On behalf of everyone -- people and pets -- I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. -- MARGE STEIN, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE
DEAR MARGE: What gratifying news! You and everyone else who participated in Pet Adoptathon are the ones to be congratulated. Of course, the big winners are the individuals who have provided homes for homeless creatures, for they will be repaid many times over with unconditional love.
DEAR ABBY: Just a quick note of support for "Mom in Denver."
I, too, had a less-than-perfect childhood. I didn't realize it until I had my own two wonderful children. That's when I encountered confusion, anger and depression beyond belief. I wanted to be a better parent than I'd had, but I didn't know how.
Miraculously, a flier landed on our doorstep. It was a free offer to an "early childhood development" class in my neighborhood. School districts offer similar classes in most states.
Ten years ago, I walked into my first class and felt like I had been given a gift. As you stated in your response to "Mom in Denver," I had "an instinctive desire" that guided me, but I wanted better parenting skills. As a childhood development educator started to gather us around and sing, "You are special," I felt tears and knew I'd found the parenting help I was searching for.
I often tell my husband that I can't imagine what our family would be like today if I hadn't stumbled across those parenting classes. Abby, please pass the word to other parents. Families of all ages, incomes, marital status, races and religions are represented. I've been involved with three different school districts in Minnesota, and they've all been terrific. -- ANOTHER MOM IN THE MAKING, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR MOM: Most communities offer parenting classes and/or family support programs, and they can be a lifesaver for new parents, parents facing difficulties with some aspect of child rearing, or those who simply want to learn to be the best parents they can. I recommend them.
Classes can be found through local school districts, colleges and universities, churches and other religious agencies, youth and recreation organizations, health services and hospitals, libraries, parenting periodicals and social service agencies. Your community is your best resource.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)