For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Junk Mail Solicitation Could End Up on Credit Card Bill
DEAR ABBY: Certain credit-card companies have adopted a practice that you and your readers need to be made aware of. An advertiser sent me some junk mail sponsored by a credit card that I owned. It concerned a 50 percent discount in green fees at selected golf courses. Since it was junk mail, I glanced at it and threw it out.
About a month later, a charge that I didn't recognize appeared on my credit-card statement. I called the credit-card company to have it removed from my bill. It turned out to be from the advertiser who had sent the junk mail about saving money at certain golf courses. The credit-card representative then informed me that this company had an agreement with them that silence means acceptance. In other words, somewhere in the small print in the junk mail, it stated that if I chose NOT to accept this offer I'd have to notify them; otherwise my credit card would automatically be billed!
I think this practice is sleazy, immoral and should be illegal. Please warn your readers that they must thoroughly read all junk mail sponsored or endorsed by credit-card companies. -- DISGUSTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DISGUSTED: I, too, think the practice should be illegal. But until it is, you're absolutely right: The only protection a credit-card holder has is to carefully scrutinize mailings that have been authorized by their credit-card company. The only alternative would be to cancel the card and find a company that doesn't use these tactics.
DEAR ABBY: It may seem unfair for a fourth-grade boy to be shunned by the boys in his new neighborhood, but I see another course of action for his mother to take that might provide a possible solution. At this child's age, it is important for his parents to become acquainted with his potential playmates and their parents. Why not suggest to the mother who wrote you that the newcomer PARENTS take the initiative and invite the neighbor boys to come to his home to play?
I am the mother of five (now grown) children, who are less than seven years apart in age. After school, playtime at our home (or elsewhere) had rules and limits for the children's safety and my sanity.
Shortly after moving to Texas, our youngest, "Betty," who was in the third grade, asked if she could accept an invitation to play at "Donna's" house. Donna didn't live in our immediate neighborhood and I didn't know her parents, so I suggested that Donna come to our home to play. I phoned her mother, who insisted that the girls play there. The invitations pingponged several times before both of us admitted that we were just cautious about unfamiliar households.
I don't remember who went to which house first, but Donna and Betty became good friends -- and my husband and I have enjoyed knowing Donna's family.
The mother of the new kid on the block is herself new on the block, and she should be willing (even eager) to become better acquainted with her neighbors. -- TEXAS GRANNY
DEAR TEXAS GRANNY: Thank you for sharing your experience with that young man's mother, as well as any other parent whose child is in the same situation. If the problem can be resolved as simply as this mother reaching out to other mothers in the neighborhood, I'm sure your letter will encourage her to do so.
'Buckle Up' Applies to Drivers and to Their Dogs as Well
DEAR ABBY: I would be grateful for the rest of my life if you would please print this. It could save lives.
Many people are not aware that there are now seat belts for dogs. They cost between $10 and $20, and keep dogs from jumping out of windows or crashing through windshields in accidents.
As an additional benefit, the animals are forced to sit and cannot jump all over the car, which is a distraction for the driver.
I bought my dog, Puppet, a seat belt at the local pet store. Every time I see a dog on a driver's lap in front of the steering wheel, I have the urge to make the driver stop so that I can show him or her Puppet's seat belt. -- ELISABETH SAENZ, GARLAND, TEXAS
DEAR ELISABETH: I didn't know that seat belts for dogs existed, but they certainly make sense. By the way, yours was not the only letter from a concerned animal lover that arrived today in my mail. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please print this warning to your bird-loving readers. It is unsafe to put red dye into the sugar water for hummingbird feeders. The dye causes tumors to develop on the birds' tongues, which prevents them from feeding, and they die.
Please, Abby, help defenseless hummingbirds. They don't need red dye to find the food. -- ARIZONA APRIL
DEAR ARIZONA APRIL: According to the National Audubon Society in New York and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, "There is no evidence that adding red (or other) food coloring to sugar water will harm birds." A more practical idea is to put your feeder near red flowers or buy a red hummingbird feeder.
Bird lovers should be aware that sugar water ferments when left in the hot sun, turning the nectar deadly. Do not put out a feeder unless you are willing to clean it once or twice a week.
DEAR ABBY: I felt sad for "Hurt Bride," who couldn't accept her pregnant sister-in-law as a bridesmaid. She is forgetting that there is cause for much celebration in her family -- a wedding AND a new baby.
A week after my husband's sister and her fiance announced their wedding date, we had to call and tell them I was pregnant and due right around the date of their wedding. My husband might have been able to attend the wedding if the baby was born by then, but that was all we could promise. Instead of being hurt, they congratulated us and postponed their wedding for two months.
At the wedding, when I thanked my new brother-in-law for rearranging their plans for us, he touched our new baby's head and said, "You were worth it." One reason I like reading your column is that it reaffirms what wonderful families I was born and married into. -- SUZANNA BORTZ, LAGUNA NIGUEL, CALIF.
DEAR SUZANNA: "Hurt Bride" would be wise to note your families' priorities.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SIBLING REVELRY HAS GONE ON FOR FAR TOO MANY YEARS
DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who has a boy, 11, and a girl, 8 1/2. They sleep together even though each has his or her own bedroom. They bathe and play in the tub together unsupervised with the door shut.
When one has to use the bathroom, many times the other one will run to use it, too.
I have been told that the boy puts his hands between the girl's legs when they play and wrestle -- and at other times.
It appears that all of this could go on for years. Is this behavior OK? Please don't tell me to talk to their mother. She doesn't take advice well. -- CONCERNED
DEAR CONCERNED: No, that behavior is NOT OK. This boy and girl should have been separated years ago, around the time they began showing an interest in each other's genitals. According to my experts, the kinds of activities you described are too sexually stimulating for children their age. Where is their mother's common sense?
DEAR ABBY: With all groups of friends, there is always the one unofficial photographer -- the person who never forgets to bring a camera and take pictures of all events. I am that person in our group of friends.
I love to take pictures and realize the importance of recording special times. Of course, everyone wants copies of these pictures. I usually make copies and give them to my friends. However, it costs me money to buy the film and batteries for my camera, and to develop the film and order extra copies. It would be very awkward to ask friends to pay for these pictures.
Here is my suggestion: For anyone who has that friend who is always giving you pictures, how about giving them some film? Don't say that you don't know what kind to buy; any camera shop can tell you what would be standard. What a nice treat to give to the person who so generously treated you many times.
Abby, many "photographers" will thank you for printing this. -- SNAPPING AWAY IN GREER, S.C.
DEAR SNAPPING: I've got the picture, and I'm pleased to share it with my readers. Now let's see what develops.
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Mom in Denver," who asked what great moms do that make them great: My mother was a great mom, but I never realized it until after I graduated from college.
She always had dinner on the table, cleaned up after me and, of course, bought me most of the things I wanted that seemed reasonable. But what I remember most is that she was ALWAYS THERE for me. I was an athlete -- gymnastics, track, cross country -- in high school. I could always count on her being there. She'd drive five hours to watch a 15-minute race, then turn around and drive home. That is what I really remember.
I realize now that knowing my mom would always be there for me unconditionally made me secure and self-confident in a way that has carried over to my adult life. -- MELISSA IN SCOTTSBLUFF, NEB.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.