For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Playground Talk Turns Serious When Pushy Teacher Interferes
DEAR ABBY: I have a teacher who supervises the playground. A group of other students and I usually prefer to sit and talk during recess.
We were talking about the newspaper, and somewhere in the conversation, your name came up. This teacher overheard us, and said that our conversation was inappropriate. She said "Dear Abby" deals with adult issues, and that we're not allowed to talk about those things.
Abby, do you consider yourself as dealing with only adult problems, or problems concerning people of all ages? She also won't let us talk in private. What should we do about her? (Remember, she IS a teacher.) -- ANNOYED IN L.A.
DEAR ANNOYED: Under no circumstances should you be disrespectful to this teacher. She probably means well, but she is mistaken. Although my columns usually deal with adult issues, they are meant for children as well as adults, and are written in language that people of all ages can understand. In fact, I'm told that my column has been used in classrooms to encourage discussions on topics such as drinking and smoking, and to spark interest in class activities such as writing to people in the military at holiday times.
You and your friends should go to your principal as a group and ask what the school's policy is about discussing items you've read in the newspaper. Clip this column and take it with you.
DEAR ABBY: Just before Easter, you printed a warning about giving baby animals to children as Easter gifts. Perhaps this will reinforce that message.
Last June, we were driving through a park when we found an abandoned young white rabbit. We stopped and picked her up. Needless to say, we kept her. We named her June.
Two months later, my husband brought home a small brown rabbit. The occupants of a house down the street had left her behind when they moved out. The cleaning crew found her there -- with no food or water -- and took her around the neighborhood trying to find a home for her. When they came to the door of my husband's business and asked if he would take her, he agree. We named this rabbit August.
Abby, these two helpless creatures were fortunate to have been rescued. I wonder how many other animals were "ditched" after the holiday was over. Thank you for reminding your readers that these animals are living creatures and need care. If anyone is unsure that an animal will receive the care it needs, I hope they will buy a stuffed toy animal (as you suggested) instead. -- KATHLEEN C. LINNENBRINK, WASHINGTON, MO.
DEAR KATHLEEN: I hope so, too. People who abandon pets sometimes do it in the mistaken belief that the animals will quickly adapt to being on their own. In far too many cases, that's not true, and the animal dies of starvation, disease or is struck by an automobile. Your long-eared furry friends were fortunate to have found their way to such caring people as you and your husband. Bless you.
DEAR ABBY: When you marry, should you address your new in-laws as "Mom and Dad" or "Mr. and Mrs." or by their first names? -- WONDERING IN LAKELAND, FLA.
DEAR WONDERING: I wish all of the questions put to me were as easy to answer as this one: ASK the person how he or she prefers to be addressed.
NOT EVERYONE IS EAGER TO GIVE ELDERLY HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
DEAR ABBY: Were you daydreaming when you wrote your answer to "No Help" -- the 72-year-old widow who couldn't get her daughter, her two sons or her three grandchildren to take care of her house?
Tell her to run, not walk, to the telephone and call a real-estate agent to sell her house. She can use the money to buy a lovely condo or rent an apartment. Then there will be no lawn to mow, no shrubs to trim, nothing to paint -- and her children won't have to wind up HATING her because she's such a burden. She might even have enough money to be able to travel. Sign me ... BEEN THERE, AND GLAD I'VE GONE AND DONE IT, EDINA, MINN.
DEAR BEEN THERE: That letter -- and my answer -- struck a nerve with a number of readers who wasted no time in telling me about it. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: How about a reality check? You missed the first part of the 72-year-old widow's letter. The part she didn't write:
Mom: "Son, when are you going to cut my grass? It's almost 6 feet high."
Son: "Mom, I have to work Saturday, Junior has soccer practice, and your granddaughter has dance in the evening. Besides -- you need to sell that house; you can't take care of it"
Mom: "Oh, I couldn't do that. It holds so many memories," blah, blah, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
Abby, she has no right to expect her kids to take care of her house. Her children aren't ignoring her. They take her out to dinner and buy her whatever she needs. She's not getting the message. She needs to sell the house and move into something she can handle. Withhold my name, please. -- WEST COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR WEST COLUMBIA: I'm not sure that the solution is as cut-and-dried as you state. Some families still take care of elderly family members and are grateful to have the opportunity to do so, but there are other options for seniors who wish to remain in familiar surroundings, as another reader wrote to inform me. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a caregiver for my elderly in-laws, and the letter from "No Help," which appeared in your column, hit close to home. I, too, was in need of resources to assist with their care and the maintenance on their home.
The local area agency on aging is the best resource for the elderly in need of all kinds of assistance. They can provide literature and lists of services and volunteers to help with housework, home maintenance, transportation, companionship, meals and many other services too numerous to list in this letter. Some services are provided on a sliding scale if there is a financial need. -- A CAREGIVER IN VALLEJO, CALIF.
DEAR CAREGIVER: Thank you for making this helpful suggestion, one I know will be of interest to many readers. If the responses to "Needs Help" that crossed my desk are a fair sample, emotions are running high on this subject.
Another reader, Ed Park of Bend, Ore., wrote that he works with the National Federation of Interfaith Volunteer Caregivers, a national group specifically designed to provide help for seniors or people with disabilities. Write to them at 368 Broadway, Suite 103, Kingston, N.Y. 12401; e-mail them at NFIVC@aol.com, or visit their Web page: www.nfivc.org.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: What is with this trend toward all the vulgar language used in movies these days? Has Hollywood lost all sense of decency?
When the Academy Awards presentations were held in March, did they televise "clips" of the language used in those films? You bet they didn't!
My wife and I went to see "Good Will Hunting" just a week before the awards ceremony. It was hyped to be so-o-o good -- but it was terrible to be bombarded with that vile language. It made me wonder who is judging the quality of the entertainment industry these days. We weren't entertained at all.
Maybe language of that type is acceptable in some circles, but as for us, a night at the movies is off our entertainment schedule for the rest of our lives. -- NO MORE MOVIES, FORT COLLINS, COLO.
DEAR NO MORE: In an effort to put realism into many of the current movies, the industry seems to have gone overboard on the use of vulgarity and profanity. Aside from being offensive to many viewers, the profanity is boring and repetitious.
I'm all for the Motion Picture Association's rating system, which lets children, adults and everyone in between know in advance what to expect before they buy their tickets.
DEAR ABBY: Women often lose one of a treasured pair of earrings. Since it is impractical for a woman to wear the remaining earring by itself, and since she often wears several complementary colors at one time, it would be nice if women were to adopt a "fad" of wearing two different earrings, each of which could match in color a different part of her outfit.
This would enable a woman to still wear beloved pieces of jewelry and not just look longingly at them as they rest on the dresser. -- THOMAS MURPHY, BRADENTON, FLA.
DEAR THOMAS: That's an ingenious solution to a common problem. Women who are comfortable wearing mismatched pairs should be all ears.
DEAR ABBY: I had to write when I read the letter from "Ray in Canada" who has a foot fetish. I also have a foot fetish, and the questions he asked are common.
Abby, people with a foot fetish wonder in the beginning what is wrong with them, but the best bet is to accept themselves just the way they are. Ray could try to suppress his feelings, but the odds are that he wouldn't be happy.
Your advice to find a "sole-mate" was right on. He'll be happy and so will she. Many women are more open-minded than you would think. The vast majority of men who have this fetish are faithful, and when they meet the right woman, she's treated like a queen. -- FLORIDA FOOT MAN
DEAR FLORIDA: Thank you for speaking out. Too bad you didn't sign your name. You'd be inundated with offers from women who are eager to hot-foot it in your direction.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)