For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: What is with this trend toward all the vulgar language used in movies these days? Has Hollywood lost all sense of decency?
When the Academy Awards presentations were held in March, did they televise "clips" of the language used in those films? You bet they didn't!
My wife and I went to see "Good Will Hunting" just a week before the awards ceremony. It was hyped to be so-o-o good -- but it was terrible to be bombarded with that vile language. It made me wonder who is judging the quality of the entertainment industry these days. We weren't entertained at all.
Maybe language of that type is acceptable in some circles, but as for us, a night at the movies is off our entertainment schedule for the rest of our lives. -- NO MORE MOVIES, FORT COLLINS, COLO.
DEAR NO MORE: In an effort to put realism into many of the current movies, the industry seems to have gone overboard on the use of vulgarity and profanity. Aside from being offensive to many viewers, the profanity is boring and repetitious.
I'm all for the Motion Picture Association's rating system, which lets children, adults and everyone in between know in advance what to expect before they buy their tickets.
DEAR ABBY: Women often lose one of a treasured pair of earrings. Since it is impractical for a woman to wear the remaining earring by itself, and since she often wears several complementary colors at one time, it would be nice if women were to adopt a "fad" of wearing two different earrings, each of which could match in color a different part of her outfit.
This would enable a woman to still wear beloved pieces of jewelry and not just look longingly at them as they rest on the dresser. -- THOMAS MURPHY, BRADENTON, FLA.
DEAR THOMAS: That's an ingenious solution to a common problem. Women who are comfortable wearing mismatched pairs should be all ears.
DEAR ABBY: I had to write when I read the letter from "Ray in Canada" who has a foot fetish. I also have a foot fetish, and the questions he asked are common.
Abby, people with a foot fetish wonder in the beginning what is wrong with them, but the best bet is to accept themselves just the way they are. Ray could try to suppress his feelings, but the odds are that he wouldn't be happy.
Your advice to find a "sole-mate" was right on. He'll be happy and so will she. Many women are more open-minded than you would think. The vast majority of men who have this fetish are faithful, and when they meet the right woman, she's treated like a queen. -- FLORIDA FOOT MAN
DEAR FLORIDA: Thank you for speaking out. Too bad you didn't sign your name. You'd be inundated with offers from women who are eager to hot-foot it in your direction.
Memorial Day Is Right Time to Polish Your Flag Manners
DEAR ABBY: Memorial Day is being observed tomorrow, and it's shameful the disrespect that's shown our veterans both deceased and living. How many young people do you see at the ceremonies?
I have attended services that were held next to parks. The loud radios kept playing and the ball games never stopped when the flag was being raised, the speakers speaking and honors given.
Isn't it time that some history of our past wars be taught in our schools? Then, just maybe, citizens of all ages would begin showing a little respect for their country and fellow man.
I'm enclosing a summary of proper flag etiquette, Abby. You might want to share it with your readers. -- BARBARA J. McGHEE, SAN DIEGO
DEAR BARBARA: Your letter is certainly food for thought. And thank you for the rules of proper flag etiquette. I'm happy to pass them along to my readers:
FLAG ETIQUETTE
Our nation's flag is to be respected, never defaced or scorned. There are appropriate ways to show respect in the presence of the flag:
During the ceremony of hoisting or lowering the flag, or when the flag is passing in a parade or review, everyone should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hands over their hearts. Military members who are present and in uniform should render the military salute.
When not in uniform, remove your hat with right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Citizens of other countries should stand at attention. The salute to the flag in a moving column (such as a parade) should be rendered at the moment the flag passes. When driving a car on a military installation and "Colors" or "Retreat" (when the national flag is hoisted at 8 a.m. or lowered at sunset) is sounded, stop the car and wait until the ceremony has been completed. If walking, stop, turn toward the flag, and stand at attention with your right hand over your heart.
When the flag is displayed during the playing of the national anthem, all present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand placed over the heart. If not in uniform, you should remove your hat with the right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the right hand being over the heart. Persons in uniform stand and render the military salute at the first note of the anthem and hold their salute until the last note is played. When the flag is not displayed, those present should face the music and act in the same manner they would if the flag were displayed there.
DEAR ABBY: I support your advice to the young mother considering relinquishing her child for adoption, and I vehemently chastise the woman who disagreed with you, stating that the young woman would deeply regret giving her child away.
The young mother's possible future regrets are not the most important issue because they are not in the best interest of the child. Had my birth mother decided to keep me for fear she would regret it, I would never have been placed with the wonderful parents who raised me.
My birth mother gave me the precious gift of adoption. She selflessly looked beyond her own needs and desires to give me two incredible parents who provided me unlimited love and support. I hope someday to thank her personally, and let her know how grateful I am for her generosity.
I pray this young mother is willing to put her child's needs before her own and to decide what will benefit her son the most. Such a decision would never lead to regret. -- GRATEFUL IN NORTHEAST IOWA
DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm sure you speak for the majority of adopted children.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WIFE FEELS SLINGS AND ARROWS FROM HUSBAND'S WAR OF WORDS
DEAR ABBY: All my life, I've lived the way I was raised to live -- church every Sunday, living those commitments during the week, and holding family and marriage above all else. I have waited on my husband hand and foot, taken excellent care of our family, done all of the housework and parenting (he was always too busy), and did nothing without first thinking how it would affect the family.
After 25 years of my husband running around on me, I kicked him out. (My goal was to wait until the children were out on their own.) Now, he has started the most malicious (and untrue) rumors about ME. I'm sure it's to cover up his escapades. People in this small town are having a heyday with the gossip. I can't even go to the grocery store without someone making a snide remark or not speaking to me. I am crushed.
For years I worked with every organization my children were involved in, held offices, cooked, baked, ran errands, raised money and supported all of their efforts. I came to know a lot of people this way -- and they came to know me.
What happened to those friendships? Why are people listening to the gossip and feeling sorry for him? His mother, sisters and brother have all had extramarital affairs, and it has been well known in this community. (His brother's affair was plastered across the front page of the local newspaper as part of a murder trial.)
Why are people believing him now? Please don't tell me that time will fix everything. It's been six months and the gossip is getting worse. Obviously, I can't sign my name or hometown -- I don't want to even think about what gossip would result from it.
My husband saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist for two years. They urged me to throw him out because they felt he was dangerous. I've talked with them both, and they tell me to just hang in there and ride it out.
Abby, that's much easier said than done. Please help me. I have talked with my husband's ex-aunt at length. She tells me his uncle did the same things to her, and she feels the same way I do. Is there no end to this malicious gossip and hurt? -- LONELY AND HURTING
DEAR LONELY AND HURTING: Probably not until the gossips in your town find something else titillating to talk about. The problem with gossip is that it sometimes takes on a life of its own, becoming more outlandish the farther it travels from its source.
Unless you plan to leave the community, you are going to have to do what your husband's psychologist and psychiatrist told you to do -- ride it out. If you need an ally, your clergyperson could be a valuable one throughout this difficult time.
Bear in mind that people who make snide remarks, or refuse to speak to you without having given you a chance to defend yourself, were never your friends to begin with -- so you haven't lost anything. It's possible that those who are siding with your ex-husband are doing it because of his perceived status in the community, not because the gossip is believed.
People who are truly your friends will listen to you, support you and help you build a future. Although this is a bitter chapter in your life, it is only a chapter. It's not the whole story. Viewed in the proper perspective, this experience will only make you stronger.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.