DEAR ABBY: I'm the 83-year-old grandfather of a 28-year-old grandson, "Tom," who was never taught discipline. He was discharged from the military with an "unfit for service" discharge. While he was in the service, he never acknowledged gifts sent to him on Christmas, birthdays or other occasions.
Upon his return home, Tom stole his father's vehicle and credit cards and left for parts unknown. He charged hundreds of dollars on the cards, including charges for prostitutes. When he found him, Tom's father did nothing except send him to an uncle's in another state. This uncle took him into his home. Shortly thereafter, Tom stole blank checks, forged his uncle's name and cleaned out the account. The uncle didn't press charges.
Tom then visited another uncle who was ill, supposedly to care for him and help out. He did -- by stealing money from him also. This uncle pressed no charges, either.
An aunt got Tom a good job and signed papers to help him buy a car. Then he met a topless dancer in a bar and left the state with her and the car.
Upon their return, Tom and the girl came to me, and I refused to let them in my home. Did I do wrong? Now my son, Tom's father, won't call me, talk to me or anything. -- DISHEARTENED GRANDFATHER IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR GRANDFATHER: You were wise to protect yourself from your seriously disturbed grandson.
The person to whom your son should be directing his anger is himself, for not recognizing that Tom needed professional help while it was still possible to do something for him.