For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SUPPORTER OF FALSE CHARGES REGRETS ROLE IN OFFICE PLOT
DEAR ABBY: I am feeling very guilty about my role in the destruction of a co-worker's life. He was a nice guy, but he also was a workaholic who didn't fit into the "party" culture of this office.
In the course of his duties, he uncovered a fraudulent activity by the boss. The boss panicked and fired him. A wave of mass hysteria followed, and some of the employees (myself included) made false accusations against this man. Now some of us regret our involvement. We were inflamed by the snow job our boss did on us, as well as the emphasis he placed on his need for our "loyalty."
One employee even claimed the co-worker made sexual advances toward her. It is obvious now that she and the boss are "very close," and most of us are sure she was lying. This woman is now obviously after my position, so I will probably be the next to lose my job. The moral: Don't get caught up in the heat of office politics and don't become part of a lynch mob.
I wish I could undo the damage I did to this person's career. Should I contact the man's lawyer, or just keep quiet? -- SORRY DOWN SOUTH
DEAR SORRY: If you can right the wrong that was done to your co-worker, step forward and set the record straight.
DEAR ABBY: When a girl gets pregnant, why is it always HER fault? I mean, doesn't it take two to tango? And how come if guys have premarital sex, it's not considered bad -- but with girls, it's as bad as a heart attack?
What really makes me mad are these sex-loving guys who want to marry virgins! I feel if a guy wants to marry a virgin, he should be one, too. Guys should wait for sex, just like girls are supposed to do.
I have talked to both men and women about this. Most of them agree with me. Abby, what do you think? -- WONDERING OUT LOUD
DEAR WONDERING: The attitude you have described is called a double standard, which is defined as "a set of principles applied more rigorously to one group than another."
There would be less hypocrisy in the world if we all held ourselves to the same standards we expect others to observe.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Junie's Only Mom" reminded me of something that occurred shortly after my wife and I were married.
My wife had two daughters, ages 3 and 6, and an ex-husband who wasn't interested in raising kids. Curiously, while the oldest looked like her mother, the youngest strongly resembled me.
One day while the youngest girl and I were waiting in line at the supermarket, a customer commented that I would never lose my daughter since she was my spitting image. I responded that was strange since she was my stepdaughter.
As we left the store, my stepdaughter emphatically insisted that if people thought she was my "real" daughter, I should let them think that. Over the last 11 years, this scenario has played out several times, and I've never corrected anyone again.
Abby, a "real" parent is the one who is there from diapers to dating, and has nothing to do with biology. -- A "REAL" MONTANA DAD
DEAR DAD: Out of the mouths of babes ...
Parents' Little Dating Secret Should Remain Theirs Alone
DEAR ABBY: I am in a situation similar to the one described by "Can't Forget in L.A.," whose parents lied about the date of their marriage. I recently learned that my family is caught up in the same scenario.
My sister had told me she believed our family had a secret -- and she suspected it was our parents' date of marriage. Until then, I'd never questioned this, so without telling anyone, I did a little detective work. When I received a certified copy of my parents' marriage license, it indicated that they were married nearly four months later than they had told us all these years. This means that my mother was pregnant when they married.
My parents have had a long and happy marriage, so I was neither horrified nor "damaged" to learn that they, too, were somewhat less than perfect in their younger years.
Abby, should I tell them I know the truth? -- GLAD TO KNOW THE TRUTH
DEAR GLAD TO KNOW: This is your parents' "secret" and one which they have chosen to keep. Respect their wishes and say nothing.
DEAR ABBY: Please permit me, a retired Canadian archbishop, to express my great satisfaction with the letters you publish. I spend several months a year in Fort Myers, Fla., and enjoy reading your articles every day.
I admire your wisdom and compassion in responding to your readers. You exercise a ministry of charity toward the most afflicted people of our society. You are often their only relief and support.
Abby, please accept my gratitude and admiration. I authorize you to publish this letter, if you wish.
With the expression of my sincere friendship ... JEAN-MARIE FORTIER, ARCHBISHOP EMERITUS OF SHERBROOKE, QUEBEC
DEAR ARCHBISHOP FORTIER: Thank you for the compliment. I have never considered what I do to be a "ministry." I have always regarded it as a privilege.
Although I'm sure that many of those who read my column do so for its entertainment value, I also know that many people read it for comfort or because they're seeking answers to their own problems. Many of them are not aware of the help that is available in their own communities.
Over the years, readers have told me that they have learned from me. However, I see it the other way around. They teach me -- every day -- through their letters. So, I am the one who has learned from them.
DEAR ABBY: While driving through Visalia, Calif., on our way to Sequoia National Forest, I noticed that some of the farmers have signs along their fences depicting the name of the vegetable, fruit, grain, etc., which they are growing. Being a city girl, I found this to be very educational. Even the elderly ladies riding in the car with me commented that they never knew what an almond tree looked like until then.
Therefore, I am asking you to help educate America by calling on the farmers, growers and orchard owners to put up those signs letting America know just what that crop is they are growing. Young and old alike certainly will benefit from this simple gesture. -- MARLENE ZENSEN, STEVENSON RANCH, CALIF.
DEAR MARLENE: I'm from Iowa, so when I see acres of something growing, I assume it's corn -- and I'm usually right!
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Tips From Kids' Stylist Help Take Trauma Out of Trimming
DEAR ABBY: During the 10 years I have worked as a hairstylist, I have tried to make haircuts pleasant for children. Nevertheless, many are so terrified that all I can do is make sure they don't get hurt thrashing around in my chair. Parents can do a great deal to make a haircut a treat rather than a trauma.
1. Do not say "cut" to a small child. The word suggests danger and pain. Instead, say "styled" or "fixed" instead.
2. Try to take the child to the same stylist each time, so they can get to know each other. Also, take the child for visits that do not involve cutting, working in progressive steps from sitting in the chair to a haircut.
3. If the child has an older sibling, ask if the children can sit side-by-side to have their haircuts. The younger one may try to impress the older one with his or her good behavior. A parent or trusted adult may have the same calming influence.
4. Don't request an intricate or difficult haircut. It may take a long time and be unpleasant for the child.
5. If the child is fighting it, don't expect the stylist to continue. Fix the bangs and let it go.
6. Make sure the experience isn't a bad one: Holding a child's head forcibly is rarely helpful for the stylist and could be terrifying for the child.
7. Compliment your child on how nice he or she looks, and also on his or her good behavior. Tell the child you enjoy getting your hair cut.
8. Bring your own treat for the child, in case the stylist doesn't have any -- or has run out.
9. Never place a young child in the chair and leave the salon. Do not leave your older child alone in the salon unless you first instruct the stylist how you want the child's hair cut. You may be surprised to learn that your son wanted a Mohawk!
10. Usually kids are not naughty, just frightened. However, if your child misbehaves, put your foot down firmly. Do not allow the child to run around the shop -- floors tend to be slick with hair and water, and stylists use many chemicals as well as sharp and hot tools.
11. Never take children to a stylist when they are sick. Your child will be miserable having to sit still when not feeling well, and your stylist may catch what the child has.
Abby, I hope these suggestions will make haircuts more enjoyable for stylists, parents and especially children. -- GRATEFUL IN OLYMPIA, WASH.
DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for a letter that many hairdressers and patrons will appreciate.
DEAR ABBY: I have a solution for the woman who was concerned that high heels will mar her new parquet floors.
A number of years ago when I visited Westminster Abbey, I entered the beautiful Chapter House, which had a lovely parquet floor. At the doorway, there was a pile of booties (knitted or felt -- I forget which) designed to be worn OVER the shoes. Wearing them over shoes would eliminate the possibility of contracting fungus. -- DOROTHYANNE H. MACKAY, WEST MELBOURNE, FLA.
DEAR DOROTHYANNE: What a great idea -- booties to be worn OVER one's shoes!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)