What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Womanizing Husband Should Use Protection With His Wife
DEAR ABBY: My problem is very complex, and I hope you and your readers can help. "John" and I have been married for almost 20 years. It's the third marriage for both of us. We both have children from previous marriages; all of them have caused us major problems through the years, but that's another letter.
John is a womanizer and always has been -- here in town and when he travels for his job in the United States and foreign countries, which is often. While he has traveled, I have filled my time completing my higher education.
My problem: I am terrified of catching HIV or some other STD, and I want to know how I can convince John to use protection with me. I doubt that he uses protection in the field.
Divorce is out of the question. We are in our early 50s, and we're both executives in the same large corporation, have a beautiful home and a lot invested in the future.
My friends can offer no advice, and I'm at a loss for a way to approach this and still maintain my marriage. I know I can't be the only wife in this position, and need help badly. -- WORRIED IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR WORRIED: If your husband refuses to use a condom, you should know that a condom for women was invented a few years ago. Discuss this with your gynecologist or pharmacist. Since he has no qualms about putting your well-being in jeopardy, be direct with your husband and tell him, "No protection -- no sex."
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column since I was a teen-ager and have enjoyed it thoroughly. I have a complaint that I don't recall having seen in your column.
Announcements have begun to appear in church bulletins, etc., about special events for Mother's Day. These events are for mothers and daughters only; sons are excluded.
I am the mother of two wonderful sons, 14 and 15, who have brought me more happiness than I ever dreamed possible. My husband and I would rather spend time with our sons than with anyone else. They are quick-witted, intelligent, caring young men.
I used to be very involved in the church, helping with flower arrangements, food and planning for the mother-daughter banquets. During one of these banquets, I found myself in a room full of mothers who were with their daughters, and it made me feel very left out. I found it ironic that my husband was home with our sons while I was celebrating the event of motherhood without the very children who make it possible for me to celebrate the day at all! I have never attended another mother-daughter banquet.
Mothers and sons have a unique relationship. I understand that some outings should be for mothers and daughters only; however, the time to plan these events is not on or around Mother's Day. The only mother-daughter relationship I will ever enjoy is the one between my mother and me. Our relationship has been wonderful, but my mother understands that I cannot attend mother-daughter functions anymore because my sons are what my celebration is about.
On Father's Day, festivities revolve around both father-sons and father-daughters, but things seem to have stalled where mother-sons are concerned.
When mothers are honored, ALL mothers should be included. -- CINDY JENSEN-MICKLER, SIMPSONVILLE, S.C.
DEAR CINDY: You have a point. Since change must begin somewhere, why not begin with you in your own neighborhood or church? Organize a mother-son banquet, or at the very least, persuade the committee to change mother-daughter banquets to mother-children events. The ball is in your court.
Nosy Nephew Should Hear 'No' When He Asks to Visit
DEAR ABBY: My friend "Elaine" has a nephew who visits her often, but every time he and his wife stay overnight, she catches them going through her dresser drawers and desk.
Elaine has always been good to them, and even loaned them her car and travel trailer for their vacation. I am incensed that they nose around in her private belongings, and she's none too happy about it either. She's always happy to see them go.
Abby, what should Elaine say to them when they want to visit again? How would you handle this? -- CURIOUS
DEAR CURIOUS: If Elaine feels obligated to entertain these nosy individuals, the least she can do to protect herself is to lock her desk and bedroom door while they are visiting.
Had I caught guests going through my personal belongings, I would have asked them to stop immediately, and guided them to another location in the house. It wouldn't happen a second time, because the next time they wanted to visit, I would tell them, "Sorry, it's not convenient at this time." And I would repeat it every time they had the nerve to ask.
DEAR ABBY: About five or six years ago, my Aunt Jolene sent me some homemade penuche fudge for my birthday. It was absolutely delicious.
When I called to thank her, she told me she got the recipe from your cookbooklet. She promised to share it with me, but kept procrastinating. The last time I asked her about it, she said she had lost the cookbooklet when she moved, and hadn't yet ordered another one.
I have a birthday coming up in a couple of months, and I would like to give myself a gift of that fudge.
Abby, would you please give me the recipe? -- HAZEL IN HAMPTON, N.J.
DEAR HAZEL: I'd be delighted. Alhough chocolate is my preference, the penuche fudge is wonderful for people who are allergic to chocolate. It is in my second recipe collection, "More Favorite Recipes," and very easy to make.
ABBY'S FAMOUS PENUCHE FUDGE
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup light cream
1/3 cup milk
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup walnut pieces
Butter a 9-inch square baking dish. Butter the sides of a heavy 2-quart saucepan.
Combine sugars, cream, milk and butter in saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until sugars dissolve and mixture comes to a boil. Cook to soft ball stage (238 degrees on candy thermometer), stirring only if necessary. Immediately remove from heat and cool to lukewarm (110 degrees). DO NOT STIR.
Add vanilla and beat vigorously until very thick and mixture starts to lose its gloss. Quickly stir in nuts and spread into prepared baking dish. Score while warm, and cut when firm.
Makes 3 dozen 1 1/2-inch squares. (P.S. You'll diet next week!)
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (I'll call him Timothy) was in special education classes all through school. He is very intelligent, but has a slight learning disability. Because of the way the educational system was set up, he was put into classes with students who had severe learning disabilities. He wasn't even taught addition and subtraction until his senior year.
Despite the odds against him, Timothy enrolled in community college. The lowest-level college classes are a huge jump from his high school classes and too fast-paced for him. He has talked with the counselors and tutors, but no one can help him. He has put much time and effort into classes, but still has made only failing grades. He blames himself for this, although it isn't his fault.
It breaks my heart to see Timothy's self-esteem dashed and his ambitions crushed. He is terrified of what his future holds if he cannot get an education.
Abby, aren't there classes for adults who never learned to read and write in school? Timothy can read a little, but not well. Where can I get more information for him? -- LOVES HIM AND WANTS TO HELP
DEAR LOVES HIM: Inquire at the high school about remedial reading classes for adults. Also, libraries usually have programs to assist adults and children with reading and writing problems. Perhaps they can refer you to tutors who volunteer their skills without charge simply for the love of helping those in need.
Another thought: Not everyone learns in the same way. Some people learn more easily when they hear a lecture, rather than from a book. Others learn faster when they see something demonstrated. A trade school may provide a less frustrating environment in which Timothy can learn. Another alternative might be a union apprenticeship program.
DEAR ABBY: Our bridge group has been together for more than 30 years. Our members have always been very supportive of each other. We do more than play cards; we socialize and travel together. In short, we're good friends.
For the last year or two, we've had a serious problem with one member of our group. She causes discord and irritates the rest of us. So far, we have avoided a direct confrontation with her.
Some of her annoying habits include constantly interrupting, repeating her own thoughts on what has just been said by others, complaining constantly about her neighbors and her health, loud belching, irritating loud laughter, keeping us waiting while she uses our phones without permission, and embarrassing behavior in public. I could go on and on, and her behavior is getting worse.
We have tried to solve the problem by joking about it, mildly insulting her or just ignoring her. But it doesn't seem to register, and she makes no effort to alter her behavior.
Aside from this, she is a very generous, good-natured individual, and we care about her. We feel she is "fragile," and several members of the group suspect she's mentally ill.
We'd like to salvage our relationship with her, but she's pulling the group apart. We avoid getting together because of her. We must do something if the group is to survive. Can you help us? -- HAD IT IN "SPADES"
DEAR HAD IT: Your bridge group has been together for so long that it would be a shame to ask one longtime member to throw in her hand. She may be having mental problems -- or she may have suffered a hearing loss as she has grown older.
Alert someone in her family to talk to her, or designate two or three of the club members to do it for the good of the group. The alternative is to slowly exclude her from your gatherings.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)