For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
REQUEST FOR SILVER FLATWARE TARNISHES FAMILY RELATIONS
DEAR ABBY: Please help me solve this problem. I gave my son and his wife, "Janet," my sterling silver flatware set. A short time later, they divorced. It was my son's fault that the marriage broke up.
Janet received the silver in the divorce settlement. She is now engaged to a nice man, and I wish them the best.
I wrote Janet a letter asking her to please give the silverware to her daughter, my granddaughter, as I would like to keep it in the family. Now she is angry and will not speak to me or return my calls. She lives in New Jersey and I live in Arizona.
Was I wrong to ask her to give the set to my granddaughter? -- ALICE IN PHOENIX
DEAR ALICE: No. However, Janet is probably still bitter over the breakup of the marriage and doesn't want you or your son dictating terms to her.
Write her another note and offer your apologies if she was offended -- as that certainly was not your intention. Then keep your fingers crossed because chances are Janet intends to give it to your granddaughter anyway in due time.
DEAR ABBY: My friend recently phoned to tell me she was writing thank-you notes to all the people who helped her and her three young children after they were in a serious auto accident with an 18-wheeler.
Among those she was thanking was a Tennessee highway patrolman who had given her a traffic ticket the month before because she didn't have her children buckled up.
Every one of them received major injuries even though they were wearing seat belts, but they survived the accident. My friend feels that the highway patrolman probably saved their lives by giving her a wake-up call.
Please keep reminding people to use their seat belts. -- PAULINE MILLER, ATHENS, TENN.
DEAR PAULINE: Your letter provides the perfect opportunity for me to do just that. Consider it done!
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for reassuring "Lost in North Carolina" and others infected with genital herpes that it is an extremely common infection, and one that can be managed. We especially appreciate your telling readers about the Herpes Resource Center.
In response to your column, we have heard from more than 2,000 people thus far who need our help. From past experience, we know that "Dear Abby" readers will continue to contact us over the next few months -- often telling us that they did not know where to turn until they saw the information in your column.
Your support for people with chronic sexually transmitted diseases is very important. Thank you again. -- LINDA L. ALEXANDER, PH.D, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN SOCIAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION
DEAR LINDA: You're welcome; that's what I'm here for.
For readers who may have missed the column and need to learn more about sexually transmitted diseases, or who may be seeking help, I'm repeating the address: Herpes Resource Center, American Social Health Association, Dept. PR85, P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709. Please enclose $1 to cover postage and handling.
Donation of Organs Turns Tragic Loss Into New Life
DEAR ABBY: Our beloved daughter-in-law died following an auto accident two years ago. Bonnie was in terrific condition and had entered the Chicago Marathon. While she was still in high school, Bonnie had made it known that she wished to be an organ donor.
When it became apparent that the only thing keeping her alive were the machines, our son was approached and asked about organ donation. He told the doctors to "take all of them." Thus, our daughter-in-law became an organ donor for five major lifesaving transplants (heart, lungs, two kidneys and liver) in addition to skin, cartilage, etc.
Tim has received letters (with names deleted) from the recipients and their families. All are thankful that their quality of life is now normal; some wouldn't be alive without the new organs. This knowledge is the only thing that has made sense in this tragic loss. It has made our suffering tolerable. The slogan says it all: "Don't take your organs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them here."
Years ago, I had the privilege of cheering for Rod Carew in Minnesota. It was with deep sorrow that I read of his search for a matched donor and the loss of his daughter for the lack of that match. At one time, I was a bone marrow donor, so I take pride in the fact that doctors and scientists learn from each procedure. However, they can do these high-tech procedures only if they have donors.
We are all potential lifesavers. Abby, please continue to urge your readers to tell their families they wish to be organ donors, and to be tissue-typed for bone marrow donation. Blood donations are also needed. -- PHIL FAABORG, MIDDLETOWN, IOWA
DEAR PHIL: My condolences on the untimely loss of your beloved daughter-in-law. Your son, Tim, is to be commended for his compassionate and generous response in the face of personal tragedy. Your powerful letter is a timely reminder that April 19-25 is Organ Donor Awareness Week.
Readers, as important as it is to become an organ donor -- if you choose to do so -- it's equally important to make your wishes known to your doctor and the members of your family. Then if an emergency arises, there will be no surprises.
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Retired Military Man," who suggested using our closed military bases for training young people. I am a retired female veteran and have always thought it is a waste to close bases after so much money has been put into them.
Military bases are like small towns. They have everything within walking distance -- grocery stores, shopping centers, banks, barber/beauty shop, medical clinics, gyms and much more. I think they would make excellent retirement communities. Retired folks could live in reasonably priced homes and have the services they need close at hand. It would also provide hundreds of jobs for people in the community.
What do you think of this idea, Abby? -- KEMA AUSTIN, O'FALLON, ILL.
DEAR KEMA: I think the need for affordable, convenient housing for seniors is critical. Your idea has considerable merit.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TO THOSE IT MAY CONCERN, 'DEAR SIR OR MADAM' WILL DO
DEAR ABBY: I'm in a quandary regarding the proper salutation to use in a letter to an organization when there is no specific person to whom to address it.
When I learned to write business letters, I was taught to use "Gentlemen" or "Dear Sir." Nowadays, with so many women in the business world, the chances are that the executive who reads my letter will be a female. Consequently, "Gentlemen" or "Dear Sir" may be inappropriate.
"Dear Sir or Madam" seems a bit risky since most women are not madams. Is there some all-purpose salutation I have not thought of? -- IN A QUANDARY IN OLYMPIA
DEAR IN A QUANDARY: For formal letters, my preference is "To Whom it May Concern." "Dear Sir or Madam" remains the preferred salutation for a formal business letter when there is no specific person to whom you are addressing the letter. If you are writing to a particular department, consider addressing that manager: "Dear Sales Department Manager," for example.
Incidentally, I checked my dictionary, and the first definition of "madam" indicates that it is used "without a name as a form of respectful or polite address to a woman."
DEAR ABBY: I would like to reply to "Not Guilty by Association," the young woman whose father is a racist. "My" racist is not a parent or a grandparent; it's my younger brother.
As children growing up in a racially mixed neighborhood, my brother and I didn't know what racism was. We had a large group of friends of various racial and ethnic backgrounds. Some of the adults became so close to us we called them "aunt" and "uncle." Our parents never made any callous remarks or disparaging judgments.
My younger brother recently visited my husband and me and offered to pick up our 5-year-old son from day care. When they returned, my son was in tears. He said "Uncle Matt" said he shouldn't play with "Amanda" anymore because her skin is a different color.
I was furious with Matt, and we have told him that he is welcome in our home in the future, but only if he leaves the racism outside. I refuse to allow him to impose his views on my innocent children, whom I'm raising to see beyond color, religious beliefs or ethnicity.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I feel it has a message that needs to be repeated until racism is a word that has to be looked up in a very, very old dictionary. -- SIBLING OF A BIGOT, NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR SIBLING: Your children are being raised to become the kind of citizens the world needs. I hope your brother learned something from the steadfast position you took. I, too, hope that racism is on its way to becoming obsolete.
THINK ABOUT IT: "If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed." (Kate Halverson)
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)