DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband and I moved his 76-year-old mother into a very lovely retirement home because all her friends had abandoned her, she was seeing far too many doctors, and her daughters had given up on her because of her negative "poor me" attitude.
My husband and I see her at least once a week and her daughters call her every Sunday. The place where she now lives is expensive, but well worth it. She has met many new, wonderful people. So what's the problem? Her downbeat, negative attitude has resurfaced, and we're beginning to understand why people walked away from her before.
She calls me daily to give me detailed information about all her bodily functions. I dread her calls. I work hard to be an "up" person and have tried to be a supportive daughter-in-law because I know she's in pain. She is bringing my husband and me down with her. I have talked to her about the rewards of a positive attitude -- but the odd thing is, she seems to think she has one. Please help, Abby. What can we do? -- AT MY WIT'S END
DEAR WIT'S END: When people are sick and in pain, lose the friendships that have formed their "support system," and then are taken from familiar surroundings, it's not unusual for their focus to narrow and their aches and pains to magnify. As much as you'd like to, you may not be able to resolve this alone.
Waste no time in telling your mother-in-law's doctor about her mental state. She may need counseling, more stimulation or even medication to put her in a more positive frame of mind.