DEAR ABBY: The letters you receive about the kindness of strangers are always enjoyable to read. Let me take this opportunity to thank the gallant young man who, during an unexpected gust of wind, chased after my wig as it rolled across the library parking lot. Sign me ... NOW COVERED IN PHOENIX
Caring Presence Eases Fears of Patients in Nursing Homes
DEAR ABBY: I have waited for more than two months to write this letter, and many prayers have been said to Our Father to help me get it right.
I have traveled from the Southwest to the Northeast visiting nursing homes with family members and dear friends, as well as doing volunteer work in them years ago. I have seen people there with cancer, Alzheimer's, emphysema, and some who were just old and sick. The staff in some homes is not very kind to many of the lonely residents.
Please, Abby, urge your readers who want to do something worthwhile to volunteer in nursing homes. I have been there and heard the residents crying out for their family members by name all night. I would go up and down the halls and stop to pat them on the hand or brush their hair.
Please tell families to stay with the loved ones when their days are numbered -- or hire, ask or even beg someone to be by their side. Believe me, they are scared to death, and no medicine I have seen completely eradicates the pain.
My darling aunt, whom I loved dearly, died last Thanksgiving Day of cancer -- so beautiful, but so afraid of being alone. There was no way I could leave. She would say, "Please don't leave ... I'm afraid," and so I stayed.
Abby, I hope your readers will take what I've said to heart. After all, any one of them could be next. -- GRIEVING IN ORANGE, TEXAS
DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your beloved aunt. I'm hopeful your eloquent letter will move others to volunteer in nursing homes. Although there are medicines that can alleviate physical pain, the most effective cure for loneliness is caring human contact.
DEAR ABBY: Is the following happening all over the country, or is it just happening in the Southern states? I mean, females going all out to get a man.
My husband and I are retirees who have moved to Florida for our so-called "golden years," and this is the second time that this has happened. The most recent incident concerns a somewhat younger woman (a clerk in a food specialty shop) who used sexy conversation and spoken intimacies to attract my husband -- who will be 80 years old his next birthday, but doesn't look it.
I am afraid that if this business continues, I will use physical violence on this person. I don't know what to do otherwise. Please help me. -- R.L. IN WINTER HAVEN, FLA.
DEAR R.L.: Calm down -- there is no guarantee your husband is buying what she's "selling." A word to the owner of the shop should be sufficient to stop the problem. Or you can take your business elsewhere. Violence is not a viable option.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
GOING FISHING WITH WIFE PUTS NEW CAST ON HUSBAND'S HOBBY
DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from "Waiting With Baited Hook," I am a 47-year-old, happily married fisherman. I have had the loveliest fishing partner in the world for the past 14 years and have enjoyed every minute of it. There's nothing like sharing the outdoors with your soul mate, teaching her and sharing her excitement in catching a fish. The excitement of fishing is doubled when the experience is shared by someone who is close to you instead of just a "good ole boy" fishing partner.
A turtle on a log, a full moon on a summer night or a gray heron lifting off the water shouldn't be wasted with just one of the guys. Eat your hearts out, guys -- my fishing partner is prettier than yours! -- TERRY DRAUGHON, FROM THE BIG BASS CAPITAL OF TEXAS, LAKE FORK
DEAR TERRY: You'll be pleased to know that my desk has been swamped by a tidal wave of letters carrying similar sentiments. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Waiting With Baited Hook" brought to mind my daughter and son-in-law. They met 10 years ago at a dance. After they'd been dating a few months, we invited him along on a deep-sea fishing trip. When he discovered that our daughter not only enjoyed fishing, but could bait her own hook with live anchovies, he was really impressed. They have been married for nine years and are expecting their first baby in a couple of months.
I'll bet that baby will be fishing as soon as he or she can hold a fishing pole. -- FISHING GRANDMA, BURBANK, CALIF.
DEAR FISHING: It appears that he fell for your daughter hook, line and sinker. (I couldn't resist.)
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Waiting With Baited Hook in Nevada," please let me assure you that just because a woman knows how to fish is no guarantee that she'll be attractive to men.
I am a single middle-aged woman who is addicted to fishing. I own several kinds of boats and enough tackle to sink one.
Guess what? Not one fisherman has taken the bait in more than 20 years. I'm no mermaid, but I'm also not a carp. So much for fishing to catch a man. -- 'THE HAPPY HOOKER' FROM NEW YORK
DEAR HAPPY HOOKER: Most of the readers I've heard from verified the experience of "Waiting With Baited Hook." Perhaps you should be casting your lure in other waters.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for more than 30 years. Ours has been a very happy marriage. However, every night before going to bed, she puts her hair up in curlers. Now she keeps asking me why I don't kiss her goodnight when we go to bed.
Abby, how would you like to make love to a porcupine? She says she wants to look good for me the next day.
How would you suggest I solve this problem? -- FRANK B. IN CHICAGO
DEAR FRANK: Ask her to please wear a shower cap when she retires, or use hot rollers in the morning.
CONFIDENTIAL TO 'CLUMSY IN VERNON, B.C.': "Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of its mother." -- Moorish proverb
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom's Long Kept Secret May Be Cause of Daughter's Pain
DEAR ABBY: My young-adult daughter, "Ellen," dated for several years before meeting "Tom," to whom she is engaged. Before she fell in love with him, Ellen cut short several relationships because the men wanted to have sex, and she was saving herself for marriage.
Tom and Ellen's wedding is in two months, and we just received a letter from her informing us that she is pregnant! In her letter, she said she would understand if we wanted to disown her.
I called her immediately and told her that we love her, we know she loves Tom, and everything will be all right. Although I know she heard me, she still seemed upset.
Abby, I have never shared this with my daughter, but her father and I made love before we were married. He has been the only man in my life, and I never felt hypocritical teaching Ellen to wait for sex until after marriage. Now that I see how bad she's feeling, I'm wondering if it would make her feel better to know I understand more than she might guess. Should I tell her? -- WANTS TO HELP
DEAR WANTS: Since your husband is half the equation, ask him if the "secret" should be revealed to your daughter. I'm not at all certain it would make your daughter feel better to hear that she had been held to a standard that you didn't meet. In fact, she might resent it and feel she had been misled. Before reaching a decision, read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this letter for all of those well-meaning people who subscribe to the notion, "What he or she doesn't know, won't hurt them."
After my father was killed at his restaurant during a robbery (at age 48), my mother and I were at his attorney's office to start proceedings, and the question of "date of marriage" came up. Mom said, "Aug. 23, 1925," and I said, "No, Mom -- it's 1924." She turned to me and said, "Hush. We'll talk about this later."
I was 22 years old when I learned I had escaped illegitimacy by just 34 days! First I felt betrayed, then foolish because in mom's large family, I was the only one who was unaware of this fact of my birth. When I asked her, "Why, Mom, why?" she said, "Because Dad made me promise you would never know of it in his lifetime."
Apparently this proud man could not bear the thought that I might consider him imperfect. It was easy for Mom to go along with it because she always tried to protect me by withholding unpleasantness.
Abby, all this happened 50 years ago, and I have long since forgiven them. But I have not altogether forgotten that I was deceived by those I trusted most. -- CAN'T FORGET IN L.A.
DEAR CAN'T FORGET: It is for that specific reason that I advise parents never to lie to their children.
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Doesn't Look Handicapped," who is walking tall in the Midwest -- I, too, have a handicapped placard. I had a car accident in 1990, breast cancer in 1991 and a heart attack in 1992.
I look OK, and I'm not a whiner.
I have a standard answer for anyone who tells me, "You don't look handicapped." I say, "You don't look ignorant, either. It just goes to prove you can't tell by looking!" -- ST. PETERSBURG, FLA., RETIREE
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)