DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man who has been married for 22 years. My wife and I have two wonderful teen-aged children.
About six months ago, my wife's niece (I'll call her Rene), whom I had never met, came from another country to live with us so she could go to college in the United States. She is in her early 20s.
For the first few months everything was fine. Now I find myself thinking about Rene all the time. I think I'm in love with her. I travel quite a bit because of my job, and every time I come home it's torture. I have to act as if nothing is going on in my mind. No one knows the way I feel.
If I tell my wife, she'll be crushed and it will be the end of our marriage. If I tell Rene -- who has done nothing wrong and loves my wife like a mother -- she may want to return to her country without finishing her studies.
I have always tried to do the right thing. I never thought at this age I'd be feeling this way. I don't want to ruin anyone's life, including my own. What should I do? -- DESPERATE IN DELAWARE
DEAR DESPERATE: Although it's common for older men to fantasize about younger women, the consequences of your fantasy could irreparably damage at least five lives. Talking this out with someone you trust would be helpful. I recommend a professional therapist, who can help you assess the consequences of acting out this fantasy.