For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Caught Shoplifting Warns Others of High Cost
DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old and have learned something the hard way. Please print my letter so other teens may be spared what I went through.
A few months ago, I got caught shoplifting. I was escorted out of the department store by security and the police and my parents were notified. It was the most humiliating day of my life.
My crime cost me the trust of everyone important to me. My parents put me on restriction and wouldn't allow me to get my driver's license. The court slapped me with a $250 fine and ordered me to attend counseling sessions that cost my parents $70 an hour. Tomorrow I will finally reach the end of the court-ordered counseling program.
Abby, I have worked hard to rebuild my reputation. I have earned several awards from my school and landed a summer internship at a high-profile law firm. My family and I can now put this incident behind us -- but none of us will ever forget it.
I understand that teen shoplifting is a major problem for businesses. Kids use poor judgment and demonstrate sheer stupidity when they commit these crimes. It all comes down to greed and selfishness. Although it starts with taking a few shirts, it escalates to more expensive items. My message to fellow teens is: Don't do it! Sooner or later, you'll get caught, and nothing you can do will make up for what you have done.
Abby, I will never steal again. I'm sorry for what I did. I know many teens will not listen to my warning, but if a few do, then I'll be glad I wrote. -- SORRY TEEN-AGE THIEF
DEAR SORRY: Congratulations on your rehabilitation. Your desire to make other young people think twice before shoplifting is laudable. However, shoplifting is a crime not restricted to thrill-seeking teen-agers. It affects everyone because retailers pass those losses on to consumers, who pay for them in higher prices. I hope everyone who is tempted to shoplift will heed your warning.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, have read the letter from "Longtime Reader, New York State," who was offended by her husband wearing the wedding ring from his former marriage. My story is a bit different.
My first husband and I were married 56 wonderful years. Two years after he died, a man who belonged to the same senior club as I asked me for a date. Five weeks later we were married. I had always thought that a person could only love once. I was wrong. We spent five happy years together, until his death at age 90.
A month later, a friend of mine died at the nursing home where she had been a patient for two years following a serious stroke. Two weeks later, her widowed husband called to visit. Three weeks later we were married. He asked me if I would wear his wife's rings, or if I wanted new ones. I knew that most of his resources had been swallowed up during his wife's illness, so I told him that if her rings fit, I'd be proud to wear them. They did fit. I had known this couple for about six years and I knew he was a good man. It was breathtakingly fast, and now we are both very happy.
On our dining room wall hang four photographs. One is of John and his wife, another of me and my first husband, another of me and my second husband -- and in the center, a picture of John and me. Neither of us is jealous of our partner's past life. We're too busy being in love with each other. -- MARY BURKHARDT, THOUSAND OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR MARY: Life is for the living, and I commend you and John for living it to the fullest, and for affirming that love is not necessarily limited to once in a lifetime. My warmest congratulations to you both.
DEAR ABBY: My uncle, who is in his 80s, loves to cook and is very good at it. He took up cooking after my aunt died. He won't pay any attention to what I tell him, but he reads your column daily, so perhaps he will listen to you.
My uncle thaws his frozen meat and poultry in his gas oven, with only the pilot light. I have told him repeatedly that this is the way bacteria grows on meat, but he insists that cooking it will sterilize it.
He also leaves food on the buffet or the kitchen counter after he entertains, so that his guests can help themselves to "leftovers." It's sometimes left out all night.
Abby, he frequently gets an upset stomach, and I have a hunch that it's a mild case of food poisoning. Please, can you help me wise him up? He has tuned me out completely. -- LOVING NIECE IN OKLAHOMA CITY
DEAR LOVING NIECE: Your uncle is lucky to have such a caring niece. I hope he will listen to me. I checked with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and according to Bessie Berry, the acting director of the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline, it's best to thaw food IN THE REFRIGERATOR where it will be maintained at a safe, constant temperature. That's because bacteria multiply rapidly between temperatures of 40 degrees and 140 degrees Fahrenheit, and any bacteria that may have been present before the meat was frozen can begin to grow again.
Food should NEVER be left at room temperature for more than two hours -- and in weather above 90 degrees, the time should be reduced to one hour maximum. Leftover food should be placed in shallow containers and placed directly into the refrigerator or freezer. Theoretically, food is "sterilized" by the heat that cooks it. However, that is not true if the meat or poultry is not cooked thoroughly.
DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed a letter from a survivor of breast cancer whose tumor was not detected by mammography. She urged all women to do a breast self-examination (BSE) once a month and not to rely too heavily on mammography. I'm concerned that her comments may discourage some women from having mammograms.
Health professionals agree that BSE is a prudent practice, but women should not rely on it alone. Scientific studies have not shown that BSE is an effective method of reducing a woman's risk of dying from breast cancer.
While it is not foolproof, mammography is the only breast cancer early detection tool scientifically proven to save lives. The secretary of health and human services, the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society ALL recommend routine mammograms for women age 40 and older.
The truth is, getting a mammogram regularly can save a woman's life. For a woman 40 or older, routine mammography can reduce the risk of dying from breast cancer by 20 to 30 percent. However, mammography may be less effective for younger women, perhaps because their breast tissue is more dense.
Free or low-cost mammograms are available year-round through all 50 state health departments for women who meet age and income requirements. Readers should contact their state health departments to find out whether they meet those requirements.
Abby, thanks for your help in spreading the word about the importance of mammography. Your encouragement may help save lives. -- STEPHEN W. WYATT, DIRECTOR, DIVISION OF CANCER PREVENTION AND CONTROL, CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, ATLANTA
DEAR DR. WYATT: Thank you for taking the time to reinforce this important message. Readers, when I endorsed breast self-examination, it was with the intention that it be used in addition to (not instead of) an annual mammogram.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Handy Solution for Hanging Solves Placard Problem in Car
DEAR ABBY: I have a handicapped placard. I have noticed that a lot of people have a hard time getting the card to hook over the rearview mirror (and also removing it). I, too, was struggling and came up with the following idea:
I asked my husband for a three-quarter-inch metal washer. He tied a string on the washer, and then tied the string to the mirror -- letting the washer hang down about two inches. I bought a small, sticky-backed magnet at the hardware store, which I attached to the back of my handicapped sign. All I have to do is touch the magnet to the metal ring, and the sign is visible and easy to hang or remove.
I hope this idea will help all those who have struggled trying to hang their handicapped placards. Just touch the magnet to the metal and be on your way! -- JUNE PETERSON, REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.
DEAR JUNE: How kind of you to share your inspiration. I'm sure that many readers will find your idea helpful. Thank you for sharing it.
DEAR ABBY: I am 9 years old and I have a problem. Every time I get money from my parents or my aunts and uncles or my grandparents, I spend it on gum, chips, chocolate and sodas. Then, whenever I want to buy something like a jacket, I don't have the money.
My dad says I should buy a piggy bank, but I got one last Christmas and that didn't work. How can I save my money? -- MIKE CHARLES, ROSEMEAD, CALIF.
DEAR MIKE: To save money, you have to stop spending it. The only way your piggy bank will work is if you put money in it and don't take money out of it. Each time someone gives you money, immediately put half of it in your piggy bank, and before you know it, you will have saved enough to buy something special.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Living a Nightmare" could have been written by me almost eight years ago. I didn't think I could ever escape, but I did.
When I could stand it no longer, I had my husband put in jail for his abuse. Shortly thereafter, I was notified by his parents that he was being released on bail. They were having a party and wanted me to come. I knew what that meant, so I quickly packed my bags and left.
I went to the nearest shelter for abused women, where arrangements were made for me to transfer to another shelter -- in another state. In order to survive, I had to change my name and get a new Social Security number. It was hard, but living is important to me.
I am now happily married and live an abuse-free life. I wish "Living a Nightmare" all the luck in the world and my prayers are with her.
Abby, for obvious reasons, please do not print my name. Sign me ... THE GIRL WHO GOT AWAY
DEAR GIRL: Congratulations on ending the abuse and redefining your life. I'm printing your letter as a beacon of hope to other victims of abuse, to let them know that although it may be difficult, a happy outcome is possible.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)