Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Restrictions on Cell Phones Bring Letters Pro and Con
DEAR ABBY: This is a response to your answer to Carol Rushing of Omaha, in which you said there should be a law restricting the use of cell phones while driving.
Your knee-jerk reaction harms all of our freedoms. Perhaps you will next suggest we pass laws that state:
-- No tuning the radio while driving.
-- No looking at your passenger during conversation while driving.
-- No adjusting the temperature while driving.
-- No driving without eight hours of sleep.
I could go on and on. We'll always have tragic accidents no matter how many laws you try to pass. This potential loss of freedom is much more tragic.
The marketplace can address these issues without requiring more laws. For example, the radio and heat controls could be located on the steering wheel for ease of use while driving. And there's no reason the cell phone can't be integrated into the car to allow hands-free use. Remember the CB radio? Truck drivers have used them for more than 20 years while driving. You just have to give people the time to adjust to new technology, not attach restrictive laws with each new development. -- TOM LYNCH, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA
DEAR TOM: As someone who has seen drivers holding cell phones in one hand and gesturing with the other while driving, I must disagree. A study in 1997 by the University of Toronto researchers Donald Redelmeier and Robert Tibshirani concluded that drivers talking on cell phones are four times as likely to have an accident as those who do not use cell phones while behind the wheel. The communications director of the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety was recently quoted as saying, "There's no question they (cell phones) contribute to crashes." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Your suggestion of a law requiring people to pull over to use car phones is a good one. I have read that statistically, talking on the phone while driving is as dangerous as drunk driving. Why isn't this publicized more? My husband commutes, and amost daily must act fast to dodge drivers who are talking on their cell phones while zooming along at 85 mph and darting in and out of freeway traffic. I think phoning and driving should be as illegal as drinking and driving.
How about a campaign, Abby, with slogans and posters: "It was the last call he ever made," or, "There are no phones in coffins," or a picture of a mom in a hospital bed, with the words: "She can't come to the phone right now -- she's in a coma." It could save as many lives as Mothers Against Drunk Driving. -- MARY SUE PLANCK, SAN FRANCISCO (CALL ME WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUT DON'T DO IT FROM YOUR CAR)
DEAR MARY SUE: Thank you for a letter that's sure to be thought-provoking for many people with cell phones. If it makes just one person pull over and stop before making a call, it will have been worth the space in my column.
P.S. Has anybody ever told you that you have a flair for advertising? The ad campaign you've conceived could be a blockbuster.
Wife's Idle Hands Are Busy Shopping Away Her Boredom
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old married woman who has a lot of free time on my hands while my husband works. The weekends are the worst.
Abby, my problem is that I shop to fill my time. This is very expensive, and I think I'm becoming addicted to shopping. How can I control my shopping binges?
Is there such a thing as a shopaholic? -- MALL-HAPPY IN FLORIDA
DEAR MALL-HAPPY: Yes, there is. And people who binge-shop to suppress feelings of boredom or sadness frequently wind up with significant credit problems.
Volunteer work is a far more fulfilling way to utilize your free time than shopping. One way to control the binges is to concentrate on giving to others instead of to yourself. More volunteer opportunities exist than I can name in one column, but a few that come to mind are: nursing homes, hospitals, Meals on Wheels, schools, libraries, mentoring, charities and political campaigns. Not only will they provide fulfillment, you'll also meet new people and make friends.
Another constructive way to fill your time would be to join a special-interest club or take classes at a local college.
If none of these are effective, ask your doctor to refer you to a specialist who can help you understand the underlying causes of compulsive behavior, because there is help for it. There is even a 12-step support group, based on the principles of AA, called Debtors Anonymous, which offers mutual help in recovering from compulsive spending. Founded in 1976, it is international, with more than 400 chapters. To contact it, write: Debtors Anonymous, P.O. Box 400, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10163-0400.
DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column about the importance of parents singing to their children prompts my letter. It reminded me so much of my little girl who loved to sing, but could never carry a tune in a bucket. She is now the mother of three boys, and she's still singing.
Each night she would listen to their prayers and then she would always sing a lullaby to them. One night, I heard her 6-year-old say, "Mommy, you have the most beautiful voice in the world." Now doesn't that melt your heart?
Again, I quote the verse from your column:
"Richer than I you will never be
"For I had a mother who SANG to me."
One of my special memories is of my father rocking me and singing to me at bedtime in front of our kitchen stove, as I watched the colored gas flames dance in the oven. And that was almost 70 years ago!
Please do not sign my name. We never told our daughter that she couldn't carry a tune. I don't want to spoil her happiness at this stage of her life. -- SENTIMENTAL IN THE EASTERN U.S.A.
DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Thank you for sharing your special memories. Each one brought a smile -- and I know they will touch many hearts today. I can think of no more beautiful and reassuring sound to a child than that of a mother's lullaby.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I work in a hospital emergency department in a suburb of Cleveland. Because your column is printed in newspapers across the country and beyond, I thought it would be the best way to get an important message out to the public.
Many patients come to the ER because they're in pain, confused, unresponsive, or have been subject to serious injury. Sometimes patients come to the ER because of what they feel is a minor problem. Then, after testing and examination, we find a more complicated problem that requires hospitalization. Many times finding the cause of the patient's situation can be difficult because of inadequate information.
The three most common areas of misinformation are medications and dosages the patient takes, medication allergies and past medical history. Occasionally no identification can cause a problem. Taking medications like Coumadin, Lanoxin, Dilantin, Depakote, digoxin, theophylline, phenobarbital and others requires blood samples to check the amount of the drug in the bloodstream. These medications, among others, can be responsible for anything from severe bleeding to seizures, severe lethargy, weakness, fatigue, abnormal heart rhythm and blurred vision. Unfortunately, these can also be symptoms of problems like gastrointestinal bleeding, epilepsy, meningitis, strokes and lethal arrythmias.
Patients will say, "You have my records here." However, hospital records are not a reliable source of the patient's current medications, because the medications and/or dosages often change.
The bottom line is: Know your past medical history (i.e., appendix removed, heart attack, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.). Know what medicines you are allergic to. Know what medications you take and the dosages. Think of it as "H.A.M.D." -- History, Allergies, Medications, Dosages. And last, but not least, write your name, medical history, drug allergies, medications and dosages on two pieces of paper. Put one in your wallet or purse, and one on your refrigerator, kitchen counter or bathroom medicine cabinet. This way, you will have them with you -- or someplace a paramedic can find them -- in the worst situation. It's for your benefit. -- RICK GEISHEIMER, R.N., MENTOR, OHIO
DEAR RICK: Thank you for the potentially lifesaving reminder. For most of us, making such a list will take only a few minutes. Readers, do it now -- don't procrastinate!
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married next year. We are planning an elegant evening reception. Her fiance insists that we invite his divorced sister's four young children to the reception. The children are extremely active, with short attention spans. We do not want children running around and annoying our guests. His mother and sister have put pressure on him, and he is in the middle.
My husband and I are paying for the wedding and feel very strongly about this. We are not inviting any children from our families. These people do not seem to fully comprehend the type of affair we are planning and that children do not belong everywhere. I think it's very rude and in poor taste to press this issue. How should we handle this? -- MOM IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR MOM: You are the host and hostess, and you control the guest list. Be firm in relaying the message, that the reception is for ADULTS ONLY.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)