To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Positive Results on Medical Test Is Signal to Take It Again
DEAR ABBY: People who are in treatment for infertility in California must be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Much to our shock, my husband tested positive for hepatitis B, which is typically transmitted via sexual contact. Because we knew that he had not been exposed, we requested that our doctor perform the test again to be sure that the test result was correct. Our doctor complied -- with great reluctance -- and sure enough, the test came back completely negative!
We had a terrible time convincing our doctor that the test should be repeated. I hope no one else has to go through that. Please, Abby, encourage your readers to have important tests repeated to ensure the results weren't false. -- RELIEVED IN SANTA BARBARA
DEAR RELIEVED: I've done it before, and I'm pleased to do it again. Readers, never hesitate to have important tests repeated, or to ask for a second, or even a third opinion, if there's a question about a diagnosis.
DEAR ABBY: Please print this on behalf of all the short, older people who enjoy dining out but who feel dwarfed sitting at tables built to accommodate taller people.
Restaurateurs: Please give us a lift! Those of us who have shrunk with age, are crippled with arthritis or have lost range of motion in our shoulders would certainly appreciate a "boost" in the form of a cushion to allow us to sit higher at your tables -- or a chair that sits higher off the floor. We would have more leverage and could manipulate the cutlery much easier.
As long as there are special areas in restaurants for smokers and non-smokers and accommodations for the disabled, why not be innovative and accommodate us? The older population is increasing by leaps and bounds, infirmities and all, and many of us are tired of feeling that we're sitting in a hole while we eat!
Restaurateurs who heed this cry for help would stand 10 feet tall in the eyes of us little people. -- SHORTY FROM WISCONSIN
DEAR SHORTY: As a person who is 5-feet-nothing, I feel your pain. However, I'm surprised that a pillow or "booster" wasn't available upon request. I'm printing your message for restaurateurs to see -- but a better solution might be to bring your own cushion when you dine out, in case the restaurant owner misses this column.
DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that from time to time you print jokes in your column. I'm wondering if you ever heard this one? -- CHARLES PIERCE, TOLUCA LAKE, CALIF.
DEAR CHARLES: How generous of you! As a matter of fact, I hadn't heard it. However, I'm sure many readers will relate to it, as I did:
Talk show host Larry King was interviewing the devil. When Larry asked him what his greatest achievements were, the devil responded by saying, "The world wars were fun to do. That iceberg didn't just 'happen' to be in the way of the Titanic. I put it there! Then, of course, there were some monumental earthquakes, floods, mudslides -- and the Hindenburg. That was a blast!"
Larry thought for a moment and pressed further: "I know, but what was your GREATEST achievement?"
The devil's horns began vibrating. His eyes flashed neon red. He leaned across the desk into Larry's face and said, "Call waiting."
Teen Stuck in Dreary Job Seeks Out Brighter Lights
DEAR ABBY: I am 17, almost 18, out of high school, and working at an advertising agency. My aunt and someone I knew there got me the job.
When took the job, I thought it would be glamorous. Wrong. It's boring. I do the job well, but I don't enjoy working behind a desk seven-plus hours a day. I am very outgoing and want to work in the entertainment field.
Abby, I would like to go to college and study music, but my parents are so proud of me for having this job that I'm afraid it would break their hearts if I gave up this opportunity. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to be stuck here forever. How can I handle this without disappointing my family? -- WANNA BE A STAR
DEAR WANNA BE: I'm sure your parents consider it a feather in your cap to be in advertising at your young age. However, as parents, they would not want you to waste away at a job you dislike. Be honest with them. Tell them you want to go to college and pursue a career in entertainment. They may caution you that the field is risky, but if you promise to also prepare in college for a secondary career in a more stable field, your parents will probably support your decision.
DEAR ABBY: We don't own a computer, but the Internet has had an effect on us. Our daughter lives 300 miles from us, and until our last visit, we always enjoyed the time we spent with her and her family. This time, however, they spent more time on the chat lines than they did with us. We were deeply hurt that the chat lines were more important than we were.
As we returned home, we discussed staying home in the future, rather than driving all that distance only to be put in front of a television set while they sat in front of their computer.
Unfortunately, many people ignore their guests in favor of Internet friends; they see nothing wrong with it.
We hope they recognize themselves in your column and take the message to heart. -- STAYING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
DEAR STAYING HOME: Don't count on it. The guilty rarely recognize themselves in my column and change their ways. I understand that some people get "hooked" on chat lines, but that's no excuse for ignoring guests.
If it's not inconvenient, consider inviting your daughter and her family to spend the holidays at YOUR home occasionally, where no computer can interfere with the celebration or conversation.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single parent, a father raising a 6-year-old boy. My father also lives in our home. My son gets a lot of attention from Dad and me, and he also has everything money can buy.
My friends have advised me to marry as soon as possible so that my son will have a mother. Should I rush into a marriage, or wait until I find someone very special? (I would rather wait.)
How will living in an all-male household affect my son? -- WONDERING DAD
DEAR WONDERING: Although it's ideal for a child to have two parents in his life, the wrong mother is worse than no mother at all. Children are adaptable, so take your time and listen to your intuition.
Should you notice signs that your son is "missing" something, enlist the help of a female relative to provide some female influence. Or consult a child psychologist to advise you.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
RECEPTION DECEPTION LEAVES FATHER DOUBTING SON'S WORD
DEAR ABBY: My son was married last month. Before the wedding, he asked me if I would contribute financially to the reception. I offered to pay for the drinks, and he and his fiancee seemed appreciative. The bride's parents are divorced, but they, too, have each contributed several thousand dollars to the reception.
A few days before the wedding, my son informed me that the total cost of the beverage bill came to nearly $3,000. I wrote a check for that amount.
My son's bride told my wife that there would be some extra charges, so I telephoned the accountant at the hotel to get the exact amount. The accountant informed me that there were no extra charges, and the total bar bill was less than half the amount I had contributed. My son refused to discuss the matter, so I sent the invoice from the hotel to him and his wife two weeks ago. Since then, there has been total silence on their end, and it looks like a cold relationship is developing. My wife says I should forget about the extra $1,700, since they probably needed the money for other expenses. I maintain there's an ethical issue here that shouldn't be swept under the rug. What do you think? -- CHEATED FATHER/FATHER-IN-LAW IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CHEATED: I agree with you. There is the ethical issue of honesty. You were right to let your son and his bride know they couldn't "pull the wool" over your eyes. Their silence indicates their embarrassment and probably an inability to repay the money.
Write a note telling them you'll accept payments on the installment plan. Then bill them every month until they have paid off the debt.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years and have three children. Last spring, my husband moved out to "find himself" and promised he would be back. Well, he found a lady "friend" with whom he's been spending a lot of time, drinking and partying. He never did this before.
When he went camping alone with this woman, it was more than I could take. He said nothing happened. I didn't believe him and filed for divorce. He has nothing to do with me now, and not much to do with the kids. I know it's probably over, and I'm having a hard time accepting it. I have very little self-esteem. Do you think I should try to get him back or accept the situation and get on with my life? He has changed so much that I don't really like him anymore, but I want to do the right thing for the kids' sake. He refuses to give up this woman -- she even comes before the kids.
Abby, what do you think? -- HURTING IN FARGO, N.D.
DEAR HURTING: After 18 years, you know your husband very well. Since he refuses to give up the woman and try to revive the marriage, you have no choice but to go on with your life.
During a long marriage, sometimes it's hard to distinguish between where you leave off and your spouse begins. It's important that you now allow time for yourself. The better you become reacquainted with yourself, and the more independent you become, the more your self-esteem -- and your life -- will improve.
If the going gets rough, talk to your friends, your minister or a counselor. Although it's hard to start over, and it will take some time, you will get over this unhappiness and emerge stronger for it. Trust me.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.