DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years and have three children. Last spring, my husband moved out to "find himself" and promised he would be back. Well, he found a lady "friend" with whom he's been spending a lot of time, drinking and partying. He never did this before.
When he went camping alone with this woman, it was more than I could take. He said nothing happened. I didn't believe him and filed for divorce. He has nothing to do with me now, and not much to do with the kids. I know it's probably over, and I'm having a hard time accepting it. I have very little self-esteem. Do you think I should try to get him back or accept the situation and get on with my life? He has changed so much that I don't really like him anymore, but I want to do the right thing for the kids' sake. He refuses to give up this woman -- she even comes before the kids.
Abby, what do you think? -- HURTING IN FARGO, N.D.
DEAR HURTING: After 18 years, you know your husband very well. Since he refuses to give up the woman and try to revive the marriage, you have no choice but to go on with your life.
During a long marriage, sometimes it's hard to distinguish between where you leave off and your spouse begins. It's important that you now allow time for yourself. The better you become reacquainted with yourself, and the more independent you become, the more your self-esteem -- and your life -- will improve.
If the going gets rough, talk to your friends, your minister or a counselor. Although it's hard to start over, and it will take some time, you will get over this unhappiness and emerge stronger for it. Trust me.