To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Time Is Precious Commodity for Retirees Engaged in Life
DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Exasperated in Massachusetts" could have been a little more plainspoken. She's the woman who said she and her husband were being driven crazy by the demands of her parents and in-laws, who wanted to spend more time with them than they have to give. In my opinion, she should tell them to "get a life."
Abby, my husband and I are both in our 70s. We raised six children and we're loving our retirement. We are both active in our church, do volunteer work and frequently socialize with our many wonderful friends. We can't find enough hours in the day. When we can find time, we visit with our children and 12 grandchildren, and we treasure those moments.
There are so many classes seniors can take -- I recently completed French and genealogy. Literacy teachers are needed everywhere (I did that, too), and volunteer opportunities abound. My husband volunteers two days a week at one of our local hospitals. We also love to travel, but right now, we're too busy.
"Exasperated" should encourage her parents and in-laws to get involved in life, and she might occasionally ask them to "baby-sit" for a weekend so she and her husband can get away alone. There are a million things for them to do instead of depending on their adult children to entertain them. -- BLESSED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BLESSED: I couldn't agree more. You're obviously enjoying a retirement that's exciting, fulfilling and fun. Read on for more of the feedback that's come in about "Exasperated":
DEAR ABBY: You should have told "Exasperated in Massachusetts" to keep track of all the complaints her parents and in-laws are hurling at her now. That way, she'll know what to say when her kids and grandkids ignore her in another 25 years. If she thinks about it from that point of view, I'll wager she'll come up with all kinds of ways she could make time for her parents and in-laws.
What she's doing now is teaching her children ways to ignore family members -- and I predict it'll come back to haunt her. -- GLAD I'M NOT HER MOM, YORK, PA.
DEAR ABBY: I used to have the same problem as "Exasperated in Massachusetts." My 75-year-old retired father couldn't seem to understand why I couldn't drop everything at the last minute to go to a movie, go to dinner, etc. I really did want to spend time with him. I just couldn't seem to fit it in.
Then I did a "trade-out" with him. If he wanted to go to dinner, I'd ask him to pick up the dry cleaning, go to the bank for me and pick up the kids -- whatever it took to allow me time to go with him. Dinner at home -- no problem. He cooked his specialty, and we all helped clean up.
My father is older now and not well, but I'm glad we had those times together -- and I miss all those things he did so we could have time together. -- HAPPY TO HAVE HAD HELP, RENO, NEV.
DEAR HAPPY: Beautiful! Dad remained needed and useful, and you all benefited by enjoying memorable times together. Kudos to you for coming up with a compromise that made everyone happy.
EARLY RISER GETS FIRST CRACK AT NEIGHBOR'S MORNING PAPER
DEAR ABBY: We have lived in a small apartment complex for four years. The family next door has lived here a little longer. We get along well with our neighbors and respect each other's boundaries.
I have a habit that I fear may be inappropriate, and I would like your opinion. Our neighbors subscribe to the newspaper, which is delivered very early every morning, long before they get up. I'm an early riser and I hear it hit their front porch. As soon as it does, I reach over and borrow it. I read only my family's horoscopes, the comics and, of course, your column. I never keep any part of their paper, and I always fold it carefully and place it on their porch before they wake up.
Am I doing wrong by sneaking a peek from their daily newspaper? I hope to read your response in their paper. -- SNEAK-A-PEEK NEIGHBOR
DEAR SNEAK-A-PEEK: Yes. The paper belongs to your neighbors. Since they pay for the subscription, they have a right to receive it fresh off the press, not after it's been rifled through. (Don't assume they can't tell.) Ask if they mind your "borrowing" their newspaper and offer to split the cost of their subscription. It's the honorable thing to do.
DEAR ABBY: I am a Lion from the Sandusky Lions Club, in the Ohio city where the late Helen Keller first challenged Lions International to become the "Knights for the Blind."
Periodically you publish announcements of free eye care for the working poor offered early in the year by the American Optometric Association. Please make your readers aware that similar services are offered year-round in most communities of the United States, and also in many communities around the world.
Most towns or cities have a Lions Club. Each one is dedicated to providing services to further sight conservation. Most of our clients are referred by school nurses or various churches. The clients tend to be individuals who do not qualify for Medicaid and have no medical insurance.
Please let your readers know that they should contact a local Lions Club member if they know anyone in need of services for loss of sight or diabetes (the leading cause of blindness). -- JUDE THEIBERT, SANDUSKY, OHIO
DEAR JUDE: Thank you for the timely reminder that the Lions Club provides these important services. And thank you, Lions, for meeting Helen Keller's challenge.
Readers, you can assist the Lions Club in fulfilling their mission by donating your old eyeglasses. Call your local Lions Club or look for Lions Club collection barrels in libraries, malls, eyewear stores or other public places. Better yet, call 1-800-74SIGHT (747-4448) for the address of the nearest collection site.
What a wonderful gift to give during this holiday season -- the gift of sight!
P.S. The Lions Club is the largest service organization in the world, with an impressive 144,000 clubs in 185 countries. Almost a million and a half members, men and women, volunteer their time for humanitarian causes. Staggering figures, to say the least.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Readers Exchange Promising Gift Suggestions for Seniors
DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed my annual column with suggestions for holiday gifts for seniors. Today I'm printing some of the feedback I've received on the subject from readers:
DEAR ABBY: Every year you devote at least one column to holiday gift suggestions for seniors. I would like to tell you what my siblings and I have given my widowed father that seemed to please him.
One year we presented him with a round-trip ticket to visit his sister. Another year we bought tires for his car -- each of us gave him one tire so that he had to visit all our homes to collect his gift. We all enjoyed those visits.
Another gift he appreciated was full payment for one doctor's visit, plus the medication prescribed that day. We have presented him with eyeglasses, dentures and countless items for his kitchen, bath, bedroom or living room -- mostly supplies -- but sometimes "luxury" items.
Each year Dad brags about our gifts at the seniors center where he and his friends socialize, so we know our choices are good ones. -- CHERYL MELENDEZ IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CHERYL: Every year readers ask me what to give to seniors who are living on fixed incomes. Thank you for your practical suggestions. I'm sure they'll inspire others to think creatively. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Last year my nephew asked my sister what he could give her for Christmas. His finances were tight and he couldn't afford an expensive gift. She reminded him how much she loves a clean car and suggested that he "give" her a car wash once a month for a year. Actually, the gift served two purposes. Not only was her car kept clean, she also was guaranteed a visit once a month.
Abby, most of us seniors don't need more jewelry or knickknacks, but we can always use a helping hand -- and a visit from our "kids." -- BARBARA M. BUTLER, BOWIE, MD.
DEAR ABBY: Around the holidays, you always print a list of items that seniors need more than dusting powder and knickknacks. May I suggest a prepaid calling card? With this, they can keep in touch with friends and family without running up their phone bill. -- RICHARD STROMBOM, WHEELING, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: With the holiday shopping season upon us, I'd like to share a gift idea with your readers. "Eco-gifts" save energy or create little or no waste. Some practical eco-gifts include low-flow showerheads, rechargeable flashlights, fire extinguishers, or tickets to a play or movie. Another eco-saving idea is to reduce or eliminate gift wrapping. (Christmas is the biggest garbage collection week of the year!) Readers who are seniors who wonder what to give to the younger generation should also consider "eco-gifts" -- savings bonds, music, dance or other lessons -- or even a new experience such as a train ride. -- PROFESSOR MARIE S. HAMMER, HOUSING/HOME ENVIRONMENT, UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA
DEAR BARBARA, RICHARD AND PROFESSOR HAMMER: Thanks for the excellent suggestions. May I also add a few more? Cold weather dominates the holiday season, so perhaps some jogging outfits would be welcome because they are warm and comfortable. And while I'm on the subject of the winter chill, a check toward some of the heating bills would also be a terrific gift. Ho-ho-ho!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)