For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: A few years back, you published a piece about what happens in the first 10 seconds of a car accident. I posted it on my refrigerator but it disappeared (my daughter took it for her friends to read, and that's the last I saw of it). I would like to have another copy because I want my children and their friends to read it before they head out for the evening.
Abby, would you please print it again? -- CRYSTAL ROSETTA, CRISFIELD, MD.
DEAR CRYSTAL: Yes, I will. Although it is very graphic, it is worth reading so that young people (and oldsters, too) will realize how devastating a car accident can be.
BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS
by the Georgia Paramedics Against Drunk Drivers
(submitted by Lucille Groat)
Do you know what happens in the first fatal second after a car going 55 miles per hour hits a solid object?
1. In the first tenth of the second, the front bumper and grill collapse.
2. The second tenth finds the hood crumbling, rising and striking the windshield as the spinning rear wheels lift from the ground. Simultaneously, fenders begin wrapping themselves around the solid object. Although the car's frame has been halted, the rest of the car is still going 55 miles an hour. Instinct causes the driver to stiffen his legs against the crash, and they snap at the knee joint.
3. During the third tenth of the second, the steering wheel starts to disintegrate and the steering column aims for the driver's chest.
4. The fourth tenth of the second finds two feet of the car's front end wrecked, while the rear end still moves at 35 miles per hour. The driver's body is still traveling at 55 miles per hour.
5. In the fifth tenth of the second, the driver is impaled on the steering column and blood rushes into his lungs.
6. The sixth tenth of the second, the impact has built up to the point that the driver's feet are ripped out of tightly laced shoes. The brake pedal breaks off. The car frame buckles in the middle. The driver's head smashes into the windshield as the rear wheels, still spinning, fall back to earth.
7. In the seventh tenth of the second, hinges rip loose, doors fly open and the seats break free, striking the driver from behind.
8. The seat striking the driver does not bother him because he is already dead. The last three-tenths of the second mean nothing to the driver.
P.S. READERS: Although air bags offer some degree of protection, I suggest that you make several copies of this grisly piece, and the next time you ask a passenger to please buckle his or her seat belt and the passenger replies, "Oh, we're less than 10 minutes from where we're going," counter with, "I'm not moving until you buckle your seat belt." Then hand the passenger this piece.
Shopping Mall Security Is a Matter of Perspective
DEAR ABBY: With the holiday season approaching, I'd like to share with you and your readers a story that was told to me by a lady in the waiting room of a hospital here in Atlanta when my wife was hospitalized. I hope you enjoy it. -- WILLIAM A. PARKER JR., ATLANTA
DEAR WILLIAM: Let me put it this way: Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. With a slight twist of fate, the comedy could have turned into a tragedy. Read on:
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
"In December 1966, a lady from northeast Georgia called her sister in Atlanta to ask if it would be safe to come to Atlanta to shop at a major shopping mall. Her sister assured her she would be entirely safe.
"The shopper came to the city, but 'just in case,' she brought her 6-inch .38-caliber revolver with her in her handbag. She arrived safely and shopped all day. Around dusk, she walked into the parking lot, carrying her bags and packages. As she approached her car, she noticed two men sitting in it. She carefully put her bags on the ground, pointed a finger and shouted, 'You men get out of my car!' Nothing happened.
"She again pointed her finger and shouted, 'You men get out of my car.' Nothing happened. She then opened her pocketbook, took out her .38-caliber revolver with the 6-inch barrel, pointed it at the men and shouted, 'You men, I've told you twice to get out of my car. Get out, and I mean RIGHT NOW!' This time the doors flew open and the two men ran like jackrabbits.
"The lady put her pistol in her purse, retrieved her packages, placed them in the back seat of the car, and got behind the wheel. She locked the doors and put her key in the ignition. It would not turn. Suddenly, she realized that she was not in her car.
"She looked around to see if anyone was watching, carefully opened the door and walked to her car, which was parked about four spaces away. Again, she loaded her packages, locked the door and began to leave the parking lot.
"As she was leaving, she noticed several security guards and honked and waved to get their attention. She called out to them, 'I need to tell you nice men about something that happened to me.'
"One of the guards replied, 'Lady, we don't have time to chat. There's a little old lady with a pistol out in the parking lot hijacking cars!'
"She rolled up her window and drove home. Once safely at home, she called her sister and reported what had happened. She ended by saying, '... and I don't want you to worry. I won't shop there ever again!'"
DEAR ABBY: I've been married for 56 years and have received many gifts from my children and grandchildren. My husband died recently, and I am downsizing from my large home to a much smaller house. I must sell or give away many of these gifts we received over the years.
My question: Can I give my children anything I want to? One of my children thinks I should return to each child whatever he or she has given me.
I would prefer to dole out these gifts to whomever I choose, regardless of who gave it to me. Your thoughts, please. -- TEXAS WIDOW
DEAR WIDOW: Remind your child that a gift, once given, belongs to the recipient to do with as she pleases. Then give the items to whomever you wish to have them.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
DEAR ABBY: I have a bone to pick with you. I am a widow living in a seniors building. One of the residents brought your column on sending anniversary cards to a surviving spouse to the community room.
Your advice was wrong! There are eight of us here who should know. Speaking for myself, I would NOT want to receive an anniversary card, because one person cannot celebrate something that two people should. The day should be remembered because it is important, but instead, take the surviving spouse to dinner or to an event to show that you remember. -- EIGHT WIDOWS, VAN DYKE CENTER, DETROIT
DEAR EIGHT WIDOWS: Thank you for offering an opposing viewpoint that was not reflected in the mail I have received. Most widows and widowers who wrote expressed sadness that friends and relatives ignored the anniversary after the spouse died. Sending a card is less expensive than entertaining -- and can mean just as much. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The recent letter from "Concerned Sister-in-Law" moved me to write. She said her mother-in-law had died in 1989, but her sister-in-law still sends anniversary cards to her father. She asked if that was healthy and normal.
Abby, your answer was right on! It is healthy and normal. My husband died three months before our 55th wedding anniversary. On our anniversary, our daughter gave me a gift, a potted plant and a coffee mug with her father's name on it. It made a lonely day a little brighter.
"Concerned" should be thankful that her sister-in-law shows her love for her father by celebrating the memory of her mother. -- JERRIE FROM VALRICO, FLA.
DEAR JERRIE: Many widows and widowers wrote to confirm that such thoughtful gestures make a sad day more bearable. Read on for a letter from a widow who was less fortunate than you:
DEAR ABBY: I have followed your column for many years, but have never written because I've had a beautiful life and few complaints. I had a marvelous husband for 28 years -- until cancer took him from me.
We had three wonderful sons who never gave us a minute's trouble. They married terrific wives and gave us beautiful grandchildren. So why am I writing? Let me tell you:
Yesterday was my 33rd anniversary, and not a soul mentioned it. When I went to bed last night, I hugged my husband's picture and recalled the happiness of our wedding day. Tears streamed down my face because no one remembered. Even though my spouse will never be with me again on this special date, it's still our anniversary and always will be. -- A YOUNG WIDOW IN GEORGIA
DEAR YOUNG WIDOW: Perhaps your letter will be the catalyst that inspires others to do something positive on those special occasions.
Readers: Now you have both sides of the story. It's up to you to decide if cards, flowers or even a telephone call is thoughtful and appropriate on a birthday or wedding anniversary if one spouse is deceased. I'm confident that you will conclude it is.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)